My hand is still locked in yours
My lips still hold fast to what I long adored
I rise each day and feel only cold and longing
Wishing our acropolis hadn’t washed away with the rain
Hoping your hand will find its way to my chest once again

You loved the greeks and I was your god
I was cast in bronze,  you cast in marble
We both stand in the shadow of a city far and cold
But you rise two hours late and things are so different
And I miss our warm silent town and waking at the same time

And I ache to know that your form is not mine
That there wasn’t enough time in the world for us
That I cannot drink away your body with mine
And I miss knowing that the same stars shone over you and I
Whether or not we lay underneath them together

You loved going to your uncle house on the Outer Banks.
I'm Cape Hatteras, standing in the same spot in black and white.
Through the rain and the wave, seeing if I heard you quite right.
I've become a fading light .

The moods change with the placement of my body.
With you I'm perfect.
The world is beautiful and I want to explore with you and only you.
At work it's hot and angry and I feel a need to leave,
But on my way home in the silence and dark sky it becomes deppressing.
Sitting in my car because I don't want to walk through that storm door because I know what will happen.
I know I'll begin to not eat and become depressed.
I don't want to be sad anymore so can I please spend all my time with you?
I know I get annoying and you think I'm dumb sometimes but I don't care
I'd rather be with you where I can be happy.
I just really want to make you happy too.
But I know I don't
And I want to sleep in my car in my driveway because I'm scared of my bed and my starving stomach.
But it will soon pull me in
And I'll spend the rest of my night thinking of you
And thinking of how I could be happy
If only I could make you happy
But I don't
And I can't
Just let me be happy.

sometimes words pour out of me. but mostly i pour them. what comes out is.. is..

monkey suit
ontology that thinks he thinks an original thought or two describes me.

i really need to grow up. act my age. get out of this

place. yuhknow?

hi friend. welcome to my scream of consciousness. boing.

do you ever ever wonder when or
how the was had -even- been,

or whatever? sky outside looks like nintendo again, full of intent and so forth.

yes, of c i feel fine. why, this primal horde is not mine. it's your sub sea too.
all have crawled from it. exchanged that'sfishy for this. ex-istence is weird, sorta.

once
i sat alone at a civil war battlefield
in a picnic shelter
at dusk in the fading light.
i sang old songs
to amuse myself.
my voice is not golden
but there was no one
to annoy.
i noticed
at the far end of the shelter
the faded out shape
of a man
standing
and then another
and another.
there must have been
a dozen in the end.
i suppose
it had been
a goodly number of years
since the old soldiers
had heard a woman
singing.
i sang all the old songs
i knew.
the sound of a car
and headlights
diverted my attention
when i looked back
the company was gone

yesterday's class involved
serving the suicide caller
if you know me
you may suspect that I have met this issue
a time or two before
some days I looked it in the mirror

there was real struggle
on several faces around the room
everybody reneged on last night's plans
nobody felt like playing games
being social

I wandered off
sat at the lake
watched the water in the reservoir
placid and blue-green
and wandered back to sit
in my room

the pied piper of somewhere
wandered down the hall with a guitar
and we all followed
sang songs for a couple of hours
make a joyful noise
is sometimes the best therapy

and after the pied piper
and all the merry girls disappeared
back down the hall
two very real conversations
snuck up on me
out of the blue

it will take some time
to digest all the information
sometime after midnight
a text came to my phone
with the message
"be still, and know that I am God"

my job may be to rescue the perishing
but there is someone who will rescue me