That I haven’t talked to in over a year
Ignores my texts
Congratulations to the newly weds
I say with bitterness deep in my chest
I’m happy! I really am.
Maybe jealous I didn’t get an invite,
But what’s next?
Cause I’m so sick of carrying around the past.
I’m not who I was back then, can’t we put it to rest?
Hold it against me, God knows I do.
Trying to be more but I feel like less.

Directly taking the focus off me,
Because I hate being vulnerable
When asked “how are you doing”
I confidently reply
Pretty good, how about you?
As if to show any weakness
Would prove I’m not as strong as I show
So I tell you I’m good
Then move on with the day
Depression is more common these days
Than having a cold

Crows come cawing
As sheep are counting
A days beginning,
Eventually turns to its ending
Morning, afternoon, evening
Arriving, there, then leaving
Spring water trickling down a stream
Runs like it’s trying to escape
the inevitable freezing
Trees losing their leaves
In the autumn breeze
Serve as a reminder that this life is only temporary

All I can do is lay
Here
Drinking beer
With nothing to say
Always was told “if you don’t have anything nice to say
don’t say anything at all”
So I lay here,
Silently drowning myself in alcohol
Hangover headaches
the price to pay
For the words I don’t wanna say
Another Friday
And things didn’t go my way

2016 was the last year of innocence
The smell of a sunscreen kiss
As I let my guard down
And let you in
Sun soaked freckles on my face
Now the last embers of the flame
Blushing, smiling, shame
Whisper goodbye to the mistakes

Mentally expecting the worst
Everything that could go wrong will
But what if it doesn’t?
Still, my list of to-dos gets longer
Running from my problems so I don’t have to deal with it
If my phone rings, I don’t answer
I prefer to keep my distance
Wishing I could disappear
Or that I didn’t exist
Maybe it’s time I get some rest
Can’t enjoy the moments
It’s always what’s next?

You romanticize the past like the bad days were good
The times that haunt me are your glory days
As if there was a trophy for how much harm you could inflict
You say you’ve changed but are worse than ever
Trying to pretend your facades are clever
When your daughter asks “when is daddy coming home,” what do I tell her?
See, the difference between us
Isn’t a competition but rather a tragedy
There’s more to the equation than simply you + me
The empty home of what was a family
Scars, echos, and chipped teeth
The difference between us
Is that the distance between us
Has made me stronger
And you weak