I swear it seems like I can never escape this rut I fall into, always digging a little deeper, slowly losing sight of the light, no ladder to pull myself out, so I sit in this rut, cheeing my nails until they've bled, racing my thoughts until I am dead. I am so sick of feeling high and then low, high then low. I think if death a bit too much, as if today will be my last day, one swift move of the wheel and BAM! I am free, but really I wouldnt be free. I'd be stuck once again in a rut, called my grave.

Silence can speak louder than words.
Silence can be louder than screams.
Sometimes silence isn't silent at all,
but the complete opposite.

Once again, love knocked at my door.
Someone gorgeous I could adore.
It offered me wings to get up and fly.
I stayed put and gave it no **** try.
Love came this close, lip to lip.
And said she was mine to conquer and to keep.
Love rested her soft hand in mine to hold.
Promised warmth to save me this cold.
Love said she's seen doubt in my mind.
But thought they said love was blind?
Love rained down and washed my hurt.
She said she can stitch my torn heart.
She told me to give her another try.
That ain't no way she'll make me cry.
Shook me and sent volcanic shivers up
my spine.
When she said in a voice so sweet and yet so fine.
That if I let her in,she'd forever be mine.
Sounding honest ,charming and divine.
*There was no way this could have been a lie.
This was my only chance to recover and kiss my suicide plans goodbye.
I was lonely for months high and dry all I did was cut myself and cry.
I've spent months in the dark
searching for someone to be my guide and light me a spark.
All I had was a broken heart and cracked lips with blood that
dripped out from time to time.
I was left alone with nothing but agony and pain
A situation I won't deny drove me insane.
Love came over, dried my tears and helped me get up and put on these wings.
I told her as I let out my gentle sigh
That I might as well give them a try.
Moonlight like rain came down pouring on us both.
The flowers around us giggled and blushed.
She touched my hand and brushed the chaos I had off.
She softly caressed my skin with her fingertips.
And before I knew it she snatched a kiss and washed me from sin.
That was the moment my heart felt another love story was about to begin

Well to try and sum it up my mind is like a hamster on its wheel, constantly running, never stopping, running until the bearings bust and the wheel flys off in its soft bedding. Thats basically how my mind works. Im in the lead yet I am always last to finish, something, someone is always pulling me back, could it be its my wicked mind losing its pace. I keep telling myself its just a game but I know its not. For I forgot what it is to feel young again, time has crept up along side me in the race and is slowly working its way to the front.