I'm going to tell you a story.
It's my favorite, full of magic and pretty things and color.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was a very sad girl, and she never seemed to fit in very well with other kids.
or other people.
or other anything, really.
Her friends never loved her very much, and her parents didn't either.
They didn't much like that she liked other girls,
Or that she gave them nothing to brag about.
Her parents wanted a businesswoman, who would meet a nice man and settle down.
This girl was far from businesswoman material.
So she grew distant.
And drifted further, and further, and further into the dark.
Her candle blew out, and she was alone.
And she was tired.
So, very tired.
And so she wrote down a goodbye on a slip of paper,
And she walked towards the edge of town.
The edge of town, towards the cliffs that overlooked the sea.
She wanted to sleep.
As she was walking, she saw a girl.
This girl was the prettiest she had ever seen.
The pretty girl looked as sad as she did, and so she crumpled up the goodbye she had written and vowed to never let the pretty girl know the emptiness that she had.
So she brought the pretty girl back to life, spoon feeding her soft words and flowers.
Flowers, like calla lilies, for magnificent beauty.
Or Lilac, for the first emotions of love.
But she almost lost the pretty girl.
and then she realized how much she loved her.
and she held the pretty girl in her arms and made her swear to let her help her, and she accepted and then
our girl saw color again.
the pretty girl had brought the feeling and the love and the color and the hope and the light back into our girl's life,
and the pretty girl smiled.
and our girl decided that her work was done.
One last kiss goodbye,
And she would fall out of the world with the stars in her eyes and snowflakes on her lips,
and so she fell asleep after all.

Hello, it has been a while since I have written you.
I've waited for you, for years,
like I promised I would.
I always promised.
your letter arrived, after so long.
maybe the mail service was slow?
I don't know.
you're here now, but I cant see you.
I think I know who you are.
I think she might be you because she is full of sunshine,
and I love her.
I think she might be happy.
I think I might be happy.

I hope that one day
you are doing what you always do
on a normal day,
and I hope
it hits you
like a tsunami.
I hope you fall to your knees as you realize.
you lost her.
you lost the one person in the world
who would give up
her entire life for you.
and for a long, sad while,
she thought she lost you.
but that is bitterly untrue.
you.
lost.
her.

I will never understand
how the name of a girl
that once sounded like melted gold and blue skies
sounds now to me like the beating of broken wings
or how a girl who I once loved with all my heart
changed my life within hours
or how her eyes
never blinked
as what she needed to say hung in the air
like a thick fog
that neither of us could see through without the other
but by the time we realized that,
the fog had cleared.
and she figured we were better off alone after all.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts to say
like sandpaper
against my skin.
I will never understand how someone who was once your best friend
can be taken from you
by someone else,
with meaner intentions.
How we used to walk side by side,
but now we walk three by three,
or four by four,
and it is never the same.
but she thinks it is,
and so I will leave them alone and let them be the same.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts my heart the way it does
like glass
piercing through paper.
I will never understand how someone who never loved me
could feign attraction for three months.
and when it came time for her to end things,
I think we were both relieved
because in the end,
she wasn't the only one pretending to be in love.
but it still hurt
like any heartbreak,
though this was more
platonic,
it was just as real.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
is laced in nostalgia
and a feeling
of unforgettable immortality
coupled with hopelessness.
and I will never understand
how three sets
of five letters
could be the deciding factor
in my breaking
or my mending.

Do you ever fall
So in love with someone
That it makes you sick to see them?
Not because
You don't like them
but because
Can't you have them?
Of course, you can't.
well, now you know
how I feel
about you.
Because I have dragged myself
into a pothole of feelings
that I cannot drive out of
and no matter how many people are pushing the car
I cannot move
because there is no road
on the other side of love,
only a cliff,
where memories hang and trucks fall.
so I will trek on,
sick to my stomach with affection,
and every time I see you,
I will fall off again.

I guess you got sick
Of all the love I put into you
And I guess that affection
Just wasn't your style
And I hope that you remember
That tv show we watched together
With the cassette tapes
And I hope you realize
That I went out with a microphone
Instead of a bang
And I went out with a cassette recorder
In place of a casket
And on my will, you'll find
That I left you a box
Full of marked tapes
And a cassette player.
And I hope you press play and hear my voice
And I hope your voice cracks and you start to cry
Because I hope you realize
That these tapes are full of the love songs I wrote you
But never sang you
And I hope you realize
That we were never meant to be,
But that didn't make it hurt any less.
So just press play,
Over and over,
And remember that I'm just a broken tape recorder
Wound up one too many times.

They say
You never forget the first person you fall in love with
And maybe that's true
But if that's true,
How did I forget how loving myself felt like?
How did I forget
To love what I am
As I am?
And why do I think of some other person as the first one I loved, because I loved them, but I loved myself first.
And I don't anymore.
And I want to.
So if you never forget your first love,
Where did my love go?