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Aquila May 2017
I will never understand
how the name of a girl
that once sounded like melted gold and blue skies
sounds now to me like the beating of broken wings
or how a girl who I once loved with all my heart
changed my life within hours
or how her eyes
never blinked
as what she needed to say hung in the air
like a thick fog
that neither of us could see through without the other
but by the time we realized that,
the fog had cleared.
and she figured we were better off alone after all.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts to say
like sandpaper
against my skin.
I will never understand how someone who was once your best friend
can be taken from you
by someone else,
with meaner intentions.
How we used to walk side by side,
but now we walk three by three,
or four by four,
and it is never the same.
but she thinks it is,
and so I will leave them alone and let them be the same.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
hurts my heart the way it does
like glass
piercing through paper.
I will never understand how someone who never loved me
could feign attraction for three months.
and when it came time for her to end things,
I think we were both relieved
because in the end,
she wasn't the only one pretending to be in love.
but it still hurt
like any heartbreak,
though this was more
platonic,
it was just as real.
So I will never understand,
why the name (Blank)
is laced in nostalgia
and a feeling
of unforgettable immortality
coupled with hopelessness.
and I will never understand
how three sets
of five letters
could be the deciding factor
in my breaking
or my mending.
Names are blocked out for personal reasons, but rest assured that they are actual people.
Aquila Nov 2019
i'm tired of being loved
"just because".
have you nothing better to do
than break hearts on your free time?
next time,
just say no.
so i asked the guy i like on a date and he essentially said yes because "why not?" like *** is up with that
2am
Aquila Jan 2019
2am
leaving me to drown
would be a fate less cruel
then falling asleep in your arms
and waking up
next to an empty space
Aquila Mar 2020
When our hands' touch
i feel electricity
run through my veins
like vines turned to ash



and then you pull away
and then you pull away
and then you pull away
ugh
Aquila Oct 2019
The mirror can no longer bear to shatter at my reflection.
I have become something more than glass.
My hair is healthy for the first time in years,
and so, too, is my heart.
No fighter will ever again tread these trails.
I search for my Dionysus,
And leave my wars behind.
I have earned my peace.
:)
Aquila Dec 2018
you miss her, you say
you are distant.
if you miss her,
why avoid?
she is mine, anyway.
She misses you too.
you are jealous, you are bitter,
and now you are lonely.
and she is mine.
owo
Aquila Apr 2019
I find myself
Enamored, with your vestige.
Standing in front of me no longer,
Is a girl i once knew,
with who she was to me,
Erased,
As though nothing more than a sketch
Had graced my eyes.
Next time,
I will ground myself,
With marker.
.........
Aquila Sep 2019
It is going to hurt you,
in the end.
good luck.
I told you so.
whatever ****
Aquila Oct 2018
We are the very essence of Ares and Aphrodite
A fighter, and a lover
I am Venus, bringer of peace
And her, Mars, bringer of war
We could never exist without each other
Yet we both want to,
Need to,
Desperately.
There is no peace without war.
There is war without peace.
Who am I to you?
I'm in love but she tears me apart, as i do her. though, we never fight, or exchange cruel words. it is more the way she looks at me as if i am a crime scene.
Aquila Dec 2019
our love was-
Is-
Immature.
But it is true.
From toadstools upturned
To faerie jinxes,
It is true.
And I know, in my spirit,
That your hand was destined to meet mine.
One way or another.
I think I’ve found a good one. I don’t want to jinx it. But I hope I’ve found a good one. He is so lovely
Aquila Oct 2020
He preens my feathers,
fans my flames-
he lets me grow, he lets me destroy him.
I am happy.
.
but you still flip off my street when you pass it.
this has been ******* me off for so long
Aquila May 2017
I guess you got sick
Of all the love I put into you
And I guess that affection
Just wasn't your style
And I hope that you remember
That tv show we watched together
With the cassette tapes
And I hope you realize
That I went out with a microphone
Instead of a bang
And I went out with a cassette recorder
In place of a casket
And on my will, you'll find
That I left you a box
Full of marked tapes
And a cassette player.
And I hope you press play and hear my voice
And I hope your voice cracks and you start to cry
Because I hope you realize
That these tapes are full of the love songs I wrote you
But never sang you
And I hope you realize
That we were never meant to be,
But that didn't make it hurt any less.
So just press play,
Over and over,
And remember that I'm just a broken tape recorder
Wound up one too many times.
Aquila Jun 2019
I went to the library
and gathered flowers from its garden
to leave in the cement vases
of forgotten soldiers monuments
that they keep
in their front yard.
in that moment,
i felt alive.
it was raining.




it keeps raining.
peonies make me happy
Aquila Jan 2021
I hate you and your new car.
                                             I hope every time you go to the gas station, it's three dollars per gallon. I hope you make so many enemies that there's a line to sugar your gas tank, I hope your engine knocks and your head gasket blows and your timing belt snaps and your rims warp and your tires pop every time you pass my street. I could still beat you in a race, even with your ugly sport package and plasti-dipped grill, I could still beat you in a race because I am angrier than you. I am angrier than you, and I always will be.
                                                             ­                                   I hate you,
                                                            ­                       And I hate your new car.
this is the censored one because they don't like me
Aquila Oct 2021
I can't find the energy to care about you anymore.
Or your new girlfriend,
or your car, passing me on the way to the city
at 9 pm, always showing up wherever I least want you.
I saw her wearing your shirt the other day.
I can't find the energy to care about you anymore.
i wish i could never think about you again.
Aquila Aug 2018
I hope I never have to sing you another love song,
As long as I live,
Because I have spent too many nights
Singing to the stars,
About a girl who did not love me back
To ever use my voice again.
My vocal chords have been crushed
With the might of a lion
By nothing but my lone confusion,
And its still your fault.
About a girl i love who ignores me when i need her
Aquila Feb 2020
I cannot quite articulate
the inescapable frustration
that you are to me.
i adore you.
𝘐 𝘈𝘋𝘖𝘙𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜!
i adore you-
BUT 𝙄 𝘼𝙈 𝙏𝙊𝙊 𝙈𝙐𝘾𝙃 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙔𝙊𝙐!
AND I SUPPOSE LATER ON
i will cry
my stupid
eyes out.
this is just so much frustration put into words. I AM TOO MUCH ALL THE TIME! I AM TOO MUCH !
Aquila Mar 2018
Hello, it has been a while since I have written you.
I've waited for you, for years,
like I promised I would.
I always promised.
your letter arrived, after so long.
maybe the mail service was slow?
I don't know.
you're here now, but I cant see you.
I think I know who you are.
I think she might be you because she is full of sunshine,
and I love her.
I think she might be happy.
I think I might be happy.
about a lovely girl
Aquila Aug 2021
When I met you, I was on magic mushrooms.
or maybe I wasn't.
but either way, the moment we made eye contact things began to swirl-
and the world became candy-colored.

things are grey now.
honestly idk what to do with myself anymore
Aquila Mar 2021
i am a dog that is so angry he cannot eat
or sleep
or breathe.
i am so angry.
i literally beat myself up over nothing
Aquila Nov 2019
I freeze two stages in
and she watches with adoration
what a catch,
in weather such as this
so this  idiot went through the first two stages of hypothermia bcos he never bails on fishing day
Aquila Dec 2019
And all at once,
I know the plight of the hungry dog
given only a bone.
it is identical
to the plight of the suicidal man
thrown a rope.
i thought of this at work
Aquila Feb 2020
tyrannicide is a beautiful word.
it is the felling of a beast.
the anger of the insurgent hordes.
It is just as much the killing of a dictator
as it is
the killing
of a god.
modern tyrannicide
is telling the boy who sits behind me to shove a sock in it,
and not feeling guilty about it.
HWYYYYYYYY HYYWYW HHFYWIh i am in distress but its alright alright alright
Aquila Mar 2020
Last night
We lay together.
Twin flames,
two greek gods
with 'a' names.
I dared not to move.
I thought about kissing him.

and then 𝘩𝘦 kissed 𝘮𝘦.
so that went well
Aquila Oct 2020
I am on to bigger
and better
people
and she will stay in
    her
      little
       world,
             forever.
       and one day it will burn.
and I won't care
oop
Aquila Feb 2021
okay, but I don't 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 to be the bigger person.
I want to be the person who looks out for their own needs.
being the bigger person for what?
the benefit of someone I hate?
the benefit of someone I avoid in the halls?
you don't 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 for me to be the bigger person-
so I will throw my fits.
like what pride is there in putting yourself aside for the sake of someone who wronged you? im all good.
Aquila Nov 2018
For me to live
I must scream to the sky
About what you have done to me.
The sky is a good listener.
She is kind to me when you are not.
I cannot be kind to you,
But if you must,
Talk to her.
I promise she is a good listener.
about a kid who doesn't realize that I only tell them what others do. I am the middleman, but everyone else is a coward. they are being lied to, but I have been asked not to say names. I dislike them and so do many others, but when I tell them this, they do not listen. they sky listens to me. they do not.
Aquila Sep 2018
Tired.
You stress me out,
you wear me out,
but I will stay up talking to you anyways.
and when I wake up in the morning,
you are the reason that I am
Tired.
Me to myself. I stress myself out sometimes but I love myself anyway. I love her, too.
Aquila Apr 2019
I Know I should leave you.
I need to give you your last chance.
Only one, Love.
Only one.
(please)
.
Aquila Oct 2021
The timing wasn't right for us-
But you breaking your arm
And getting cheated on
And making enemies
Does bring a smile to my face.
The timing wasn't right for us-
But karma never sleeps.
i laughed when i found out he got cheated on
Aquila May 2022
I waited on many mothers with their daughters today.
my last table had a prada shopping bag with them.
they stayed an hour after my shift ended.
did they think
I didn't have a mother
waiting at home?
...
of course, my mother wasnt at home.
she, too,
waited on many mothers with their daughters today.
i wonder if she realizes,
in another life,
we would be at the table
with a prada shopping bag
too.
give me a few years, mom.
we'll get there.
they didnt tip either
Aquila Jul 2018
I'm going to tell you a story.
It's my favorite, full of magic and pretty things and color.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was a very sad girl, and she never seemed to fit in very well with other kids.
or other people.
or other anything, really.
Her friends never loved her very much, and her parents didn't either.
They didn't much like that she liked other girls,
Or that she gave them nothing to brag about.
Her parents wanted a businesswoman, who would meet a nice man and settle down.
This girl was far from businesswoman material.
So she grew distant.
And drifted further, and further, and further into the dark.
Her candle blew out, and she was alone.
And she was tired.
So, very tired.
And so she wrote down a goodbye on a slip of paper,
And she walked towards the edge of town.
The edge of town, towards the cliffs that overlooked the sea.
She wanted to sleep.
As she was walking, she saw a girl.
This girl was the prettiest she had ever seen.
The pretty girl looked as sad as she did, and so she crumpled up the goodbye she had written and vowed to never let the pretty girl know the emptiness that she had.
So she brought the pretty girl back to life, spoon feeding her soft words and flowers.
Flowers, like calla lilies, for magnificent beauty.
Or Lilac, for the first emotions of love.
But she almost lost the pretty girl.
and then she realized how much she loved her.
and she held the pretty girl in her arms and made her swear to let her help her, and she accepted and then
our girl saw color again.
the pretty girl had brought the feeling and the love and the color and the hope and the light back into our girl's life,
and the pretty girl smiled.
and our girl decided that her work was done.
One last kiss goodbye,
And she would fall out of the world with the stars in her eyes and snowflakes on her lips,
and so she fell asleep after all.
this was based on a story i read and oh wow did it hit home
Aquila Apr 2020
it is so unfair
that you can try and try again
and break my heart
every
time.
it is so unfair
that i believed you.
i cant believe this bull
Aquila Apr 2017
They say
You never forget the first person you fall in love with
And maybe that's true
But if that's true,
How did I forget how loving myself felt like?
How did I forget
To love what I am
As I am?
And why do I think of some other person as the first one I loved, because I loved them, but I loved myself first.
And I don't anymore.
And I want to.
So if you never forget your first love,
Where did my love go?
Aquila May 2017
Do you ever fall
So in love with someone
That it makes you sick to see them?
Not because
You don't like them
but because
Can't you have them?
Of course, you can't.
well, now you know
how I feel
about you.
Because I have dragged myself
into a pothole of feelings
that I cannot drive out of
and no matter how many people are pushing the car
I cannot move
because there is no road
on the other side of love,
only a cliff,
where memories hang and trucks fall.
so I will trek on,
sick to my stomach with affection,
and every time I see you,
I will fall off again.
Aquila Jun 2021
The last time you knew me,
I was not
as fond of substances.
when you decided not to know me anymore,
the
    downwards
                       spiral
                                began-
allow me to reintroduce myself:
Hello, my name is unimportant, and my brain is buzzing.
thats all there is
Aquila Jun 2019
I find myself tired
as in,
exhausted,
as in,
drained.
they will not talk to me,
I am unsure of what I have done.
I am tired of being this lonely all the time.
ugh
Aquila Jan 2021
I love you, and it's a mess.
You love her, who is dating him-
   and she loves him, but he won't tell-
    and I love you, while I'm dating them-
  and I love him, but I love you-
and thus, a mess is made.
love triangle? more like love dodecahedron. also, I've seen this happen so many times.
Aquila Dec 2018
we have been one
long enough for a child,
to grow from cell to a being.
we have a child,
of sorts,
one of soft words and confused memories.
of flowers, and of light.
I pray we will be one,
longer,
long enough,
to raise it.
its hard, but i swear we are making it through it.
Aquila Sep 2019
I am scared to die.
i know you wont be waiting for me anymore.
i miss you with every atom in my body.
I am a goddess atop a mountain, yet
unlike a goddess,
I am a coward.
how do i say this
Aquila May 2017
I hope that one day
you are doing what you always do
on a normal day,
and I hope
it hits you
like a tsunami.
I hope you fall to your knees as you realize.
you lost her.
you lost the one person in the world
who would give up
her entire life for you.
and for a long, sad while,
she thought she lost you.
but that is bitterly untrue.
you.
lost.
her.
Aquila Mar 2019
I bought a bag, today
it is rectangular
I had forgotten about
the time you made fun of them,
and as I checked out,
I remembered.

I cried.

she looks like you.
i miss her so bad
Aquila Dec 2019
there is something painfully romantic
about pushing a needle through fabric
for hours, upon hours
sewing a poppet.
i know i will curse it anyways-
but the thought is nice.
I jinxed it !
Aquila Mar 2021
we made eye contact today.

                                   The last time I held you was a year ago.

                                                                                               I don't know
                                                                                          how I feel about that.
theres still salt on the roads from the snow.
Aquila Aug 2019
A badger meets a snake,
in a field.
A laugh,
A confession,
A goodbye.
The wind blows all the same.
idk this was spur of the moment
Aquila Aug 2018
I am still in love with you.
But,
When I speak to you,
I only hope you cannot hear
My voice crack,
as I excuse myself to the bathroom.
You could never understand
How this feels.
I am still in love with you.
About my doubts. I am in love with a girl, and she says she loves me, but the voice inside my head tells me i am not good enough for her. I love her anyways, but i fear she will not be enough to keep me here.
Aquila Jan 2020
I suspect,
that my essence
was never meant
for such love.
all along,
all alone.

and thus I remain.
:(
Aquila Dec 2019
It’s true that I’ll never forget my first kiss.
As my lips collided with pavement,
And my arms gave out,
I kissed the earth with all my love,
With all my might.
I’ll never forget the quake.
This is just comin out of my brain so I figured I’d post it
Aquila Apr 2019
There is a tree by my bus stop.
I do not know when it began flowering,
only that it is.
On each branch, there are delicate flowers, dousing the street in pink and white
magnolias.
she's coming up this summer, finally.
I wish I could show her.

I wish you could see it.
Someone I used to have a thing with online, but have never met in real life, is driving up this summer. I have a girlfriend whom I love, but I fear I no longer benefit from the relationship. long distance terrifies me. I have a lot to think about, and the flowering trees I encounter seem to know this and remind me to breathe.
Aquila Aug 2019
Goodbye,
at long last.
You are not the girl i fell in love with.
A fascinating trick,
a banshee in disguise,
a charmer with scales.
you will not trick me anymore.
I will never let you.
we broke up on july 1st.
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