Dying slow in the mountains seemed much easier than simply breathing at sea level.

I've been thinking that maybe I was happier when I was still drinking.

I tried to write a poem called Pointless and never made it beyond the title.

Dying seems easier than breathing at sea level.

r ~ 11/7/14

she said she fell
for the drunk me -

well, i liked me
that way-better, too

how very sad
- but true

i'd drink again
if i knew i could -
if it would do any good

- to lick her sweat
one drop at a time
all along the jawline

- making her salt mine
one more time.

r ~ 11/15/15

as fragile
as a songbird -

her hands

knotted and spotted
from many winters


november came one last time -
i held her hands in mine - gently

- gently, she flew away
to where songbirds go
when it's cold in the mountains.

r ~ 11/18/14

in all the photos
he was a young man -
my father

handsome and smiling
a useful smile

i tried to find one from later
when he was a bystander
on my street -

older, unsmiling, obsolete
- there were none

i wish i had known
how he felt

now that i do.

r ~ 11/25/14

I reach out . . . sadlessly
I preach out . . . incessantly

when time comes asking who ? . . .
what are you ?
it will catch you grasping

I took the answer book
Maybe eleven years of age
Put it in my desk
Forgot it in all it's page

Then the squirrel I shot
with my B-B gun through it's ears
It fell dead and in my regret
flooded into a sea of tears

Life and death swirls around me
My eyes leaving me with no surprise
Tomorrow is heaped upon me
All yesterdays materialized

The answer book was found
I pleaded guilty without a sound
Tried , convicted , sentenced
To no crime was I winched

I buried the squirrel
Said a prayer asking forgiveness
For all my wicked sins

That life is so sacred
That without some kind of repentance
I would never be allowed to win .

Jesus came to me saying , " It's all right , I forgive you of your sins."

Even under forgiveness
I felt little of a relief

God said to me ," My son has spoken , it is
one of belief ."

I see the squirrel
Sitting in that tree
One moment alive , breathing , free

My choice to make
My grace to be
I pulled the trigger forever changing me

I reach out . . . endlessly
I preach out . . . repentively

When time comes asking who ?
Then I know what I am

The faithless love you bestow
Like a cold dark wind
From a thunderstorm
Lightning down words of condemnation

Those sweet kisses leave your lips
Blistering my soul
Those hopeful hugs hold
Like a river flows

My hopes fold before the stones
Flying in a furry I may deserve
Before a deluge . . .
I will not survive

The faithless love
Drops of cold
Faithless love unravels me
Like a river flows

I like the mornings when the showers will reign
I like the excitement when you give a girl the ring
I like the feeling when a dog licks my fingers
I like the feeling of love inside and how it lingers
I like the moon rising up over a lake
I like real kisses when I know they are not fake
I like to sit very still when I am alone
I like it when she makes it safely back home
I like the smell of freshly baking bread
I like the essence of her scent that goes straight to my head
I **** watching  her when she is asleep
I like it even when she has to weep
I like a lot and these are  just a few of the things
I like it enough to share with my friends
I like it now and so it must end