You will never ever find out
I wore long sleeves
For a while
For a reason
A very twisted
And ****** reason

You will never find out
That I starved myself
For 5 years
Because I
Was never enough
For myself

You will never find out
I tried to **** myself
At the age of 11
Because
Girls
Can be mean and
Bullying
Eventually
Gets the better of you
And when they hate you
Pretty soon
You hate yourself too


You will never find out
I wore black
For a long time
To reflect my inner depression
But I was depressed
Long before that
For years


You will never find out
I may or may not
Have dysmorphia
I really don't think so
But my mother gets more
And more worried
Everyday
When I mutter to myself
Just out of habit
How hideous and worthless I am
When I turn out the lights
In the bathroom
When I am not wearing make up
So I do not burst into tears
Because of the shame I feel
Of my ugly, ugly face
But it's real
The mirror shows me the truth
A disease of the mind
Is not distorting
My vision
Of myself

You will never find out
How broken I was
For a very long time

And I am glad
Because you couldn't have handled it anyway.