In the muck of wonder
We were both there
I ran my tendicle's deep
Through your carnal tares
Two amoebas thriving alive
Such poetic protoplasm
Even as parasites
We survived
Life after life!

Don't **** with me
It's not a safe bet
I'm probably
The craziest Poet
You ever read
My words condemn
I rhyme unkind
I've sold my soul
Far too many times!
As for love
I have failed
So many losses
A survivor of hell
But...
If by some off chance
You stop by my page
And take a glance
Keep in mind
With tongue in cheek
I like to dance!

Oh my!!!
I do believe this could be it!
Nothing short of the end....
Some people will break
Others will bend
Guns and bombs
Shall shake our souls
The psychopaths
In our midst
Shall play their roles
If you don't believe me
Watch the News
They're coming for everybody
They're coming for you
Time to wear that
Bulletproof vest
Don't be a fool
This life is a mess!

Perhaps there's a force
Behind these poetic flows
A gathering of life times
All of our personal
   Hell's in toll...
Images
Cave-wall drawling
Books we've may have written
All our experiences
       All our misgivings...    
Here and now
Trapped within!
The subconscious mind
Warps and bends
To be a Poet
A calling within!!!

Please come back
My longing heart calls
Such kindness you've shown
You've softened my falls...
Come back my muses
My loving friends
Leave me not
Here alone
  Unable to mend....
Please come back if you can
My dearest HP friends
.........................................

For me
Love is so hard to hold
And you, you burn like a
Red hot blistering coal
Truths get in my way
***** deeds I've done
Refuse to simply
Just fade...
Even I've hurt someone
While lost in life's maze
But now my guilt weighs a ton
Yet if I could
If I had it in me
You would be the one!

Thank you for being my friend!

I am but a poem
My body made of rhymes
I have been written
One too many times
Beauty I often read
Love I wish to know
You, you are an explanation point!
You let your feelings show...
But as you can clearly see
I'm a simple paragraph
Easily as I was written
I am doomed to pass...
Yet it's all been written before
After all
I am a poem
Nothing more!

Dear revolving doors
Like so many before
I could go
  Leave this sight...
Hell, I turn it off
Every night...
I can't support us
The way HP need be
Don't get me wrong
I can almost
   Take care of me...
  Of course that is....
As long as I have
My Poetry!

Once upon a time
26 years ago
I was forced
To stuff those feelings down
All that had ever
Made me sad
Or left me feeling low
Such feelings I denounced
So easily they seemed to go...
That's when I started writing
Poetry to save my life
Bars upon those windows
And beyond the free sunshine

So many years
I escaped my miseries
Unfortunately
They all still existed
Somewhere
Subconsciously...
Life is a struggle
Trying to realign
Poetry connected me
To the Divine
..............................

Normality
A struggle
In the disturbance
Of my role
Dread
A hormone
Pumping through my soul
Please free me
Let my weary heart beat
Open up my mind
Let me flow my ink!
........

Is it but a mere coincidence
That you recognize my character?
The language of our soul's
We carry forevermore everywhere....
Of course your voice is always there!
Poetry has always been our special affair....

Read you here, there and everywhere
Forevermore!!!!

She don't like it!
When I'm down
She gets *******
When I drown
***** to ***
Temporary glue
A couple of pills
To **** the blues
Yet I must confess
A big fat joint
Feels the best!!!!

MY DEAR POETESS
CJ Love

Before the Night
Placed the moon in your hair
The Sun it shined your beauty
Everywhere!
Into my words
Dividing the seas
Drawn by Nature's
Heart felt need's
The gift of Poetry
Set my soul free
..............

P.S. Come be with me....

Feel free to plagiarize
If you see
Something you like
If you step inside my mind
I will give you all my light

You could never break my soul
Feel free to steal and lie
Yet
I will always love you
Somewhere deep inside!!!!

Who made these maps
That encourage such ignorance
Innocent people are dying out there...
Who shall return
In time to gather the righteous
Surely some deity cares...

So powerful the wicked
That rule the meek...
Their big money
Keeps our voice's weak...
We are all equal
And I won't ever forget...
My hands are tied
That's my greatest regret...

Life will grab ya
By the genitals
Squeeze real tight
Until ya start to swell!
Hold your's safely
No one needs to fail
We all have control
Over our own hell’s
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There existed no switch to turn it off
No such component in a Poet's thoughts
The deepest of meditation
Is but a Poet's contemplation

Words bleed from all we see
Beauty, laughter and sorrow
Forever set poetically free
My Friends!
This is what we were meant to be!

Then the words
Were no longer there
The mind had broken
Beyond repair
Limited memories
Of me and you
I'll be back
Before I'm through!!!

My mother never calls
She....Well
I, I loved her, most of all!!!!!!
And even at this stage of life
Perhaps a word from her
Could set any simple things right....?

She's my mother whom
I love her with all my heart
And all my might
Yet..........................................
She knows all my stumbling blocks
She's seen
All the love that I have lost
She know my heart
Has suffer great
Yet her finger points at my mistakes.........
!.....?
I miss her finger
I know I lived wrong
Yet we need a family!
To help us stay strong
If she won't call me
I hope she lives long!

And so it is another day
Plenty of sunshine
Rainy and grey
I'm sure change
Is coming this way
To the good
Or to the bad
To much weather
Can drive one mad

But what is weather
If not the force of change
Ice and snow melt in pain
Puddles of mud fall in love
Tracking dirt in
On the living room rug
And there a stain
Upon the heart
Forecasting storms
Will never part!

I fell in love
With a shot of ***
Unfortunately
The disturbance fades
If I drink more then one...
PTSD
Sometimes kicks my ****
Ya....
I'm off to the next A/A meeting
Truth can be tough....

Too much hard life
Seen far too much
Grew up in Flint
Prison and such...
Back in the Military
**** those stars and stripes!
I tried to forget the blood shed
With all my might

But you know
Somebody cares
And so
I'll be alright!!!

Dear Sweet Poetess
If you were mine
I would love you
To the end of time...
All your needs
As mush as I have
Dear Sweet Poetess
You drive me mad...
I must confess
My heart is in need
Your's are the words
I long to read...
Dear Sweet Poetess
You set my heart free!

It shakes me to the core
Unrest at our gates
I'm talking
Suffering human beings
So we send them away??

Bombs, U.S. grade
Everywhere on the
Whole worldwide stage
You can find the proof
In our pockets....

I sleep in a warm bed
My cupboards are full
I have more then I need
I have more than I could ever use
How did this come to be
Here on this little planet
Out of billions of suffering beings
I'm living the American dream
....

Solid metal
Becomes my mental box's
PTSD
Can be hard to keep locked
It holds irrational fears
Residues of yesteryear's
Clinching onto the grim
Realities of past sorrows
But of course I'll be back
This way again tomorrow!
.........

Hay!
How about you and I?
I could make you laugh
You could make me cry
We could live the golden lie
Make believe
We know how to fly
What do you say
Give it a try?

Sometimes I neglect
To confess
But please know
I love you
With every last breath!
............

In my mind
There exist a thought
I'm not sure which thought it is
But the thought is so powerful
When it comes into my mind
I blackout, staring into space for hours
I guess my heart must be coward
....................................................

Is reality really real?
This thing we refer to as life
Or do we dream that we were
Born and somehow managed to be
Brought up right?
Holding on to love and regret
With all our invisible might
Suffering, enjoying
Every stage in between
Sanity is fight or flight
Life is but a dream
......................

I had already received
My allotted amount
Yet once again this crazy life
Has me down for the count
Trying to explain
Is the hardest thing
If it weren't for being poetic
I could never break free
Words are the only thing saving me!

I refuse to shape my world
To fit your points of view
Perfection alone hardly ever stands true
Between the lines we all fall through
Righteousness, your badge of honor
Your heart must be black and blue
And so I'm sorry I told you the truth
.......................................

Maybe If...
I'd never been locked away
Nor faced them firing lines
Maybe if...
Everybody I ever loved
Still loved me throughout time

Maybe if...
The walls I erected
Could never fade away
Then just maybe
I'd still feel safe
In this crazy maze!

Notice!
Silence seems to have
Taking over
It's Sunday morning
Am I the only one up
Or even sober?
Somebody, anybody
Sing me a song
A poem about cutting
Would be better then none
Surely some Poet
Has pain to covey
When you get home from church
Write what you may
I'll shoot you a heart
Some loving thoughts
HP is my addiction
This is the cost
.....................





...

In my next breath
I'll be choking
Taken in a deep hit
And just keep toking
The words will flow
In a peaceful rivers
Warm at night
Not a single shiver
It helps clear crazy
Out of the way
Dear Doctor
Keep those pills
For another day
..................

Knowing we're strong
We keep holding on
Never letting go
Poets are such stubborn
Individuals...
Using our words
We attempt to fix our worlds
Truth is...
I can't even fix what's wrong
Between me and my girl...
I take no credit
When she finally smiles
My heart has been lost
For miles and miles...

Whisper my name
It you recall this rhyme
Don't back down
It's not our time!

I must apologies
I have a tendency to project
It happens when I read
  A poem of abuse or neglect...
Bad things happen
Good people go bad
That was my reality
  The only one I had...
So hold on tight
To your poetry
and to your soul
You're similar
  To the way I was
Years ago...

I'm just projecting an old role!
........................................

In the basement of memory
The ache takes it's leave

In temples of enlightenment
We learn how to grieve

In the back of our knowing
Where forgotten dissolves

My love is still waiting
It's final resolve
...

What was it
That finally broke my soul?
Perhaps I was suppose to die
Many years ago
I made amends
To set thing right
But it seemed that was just
A wasted flight
Somehow I'm still alive
Suffering as I survive
I have no words
Left to say
No warnings
To convey
Believe as you may
I wasn't suppose to write
These words today
Instead I should be sleeping
In a younger me's grave....

Imagine if this was a poem
A real poem
Perhaps a poem about
"The uncertainties of love"
I have so much love to share
And yet, I can never get enough
But my love so often
Turns to doom and despair
Imagine that
More than any soul should bear...
Fortunately
This has been an imaginary poem
I'm hoping my feelings haven't shown
..................

I just sat there
Staring out the window
Her words like blowing rain
I close my mind a little tighter
But her words blow through me
Just the same

Trees cushioned in quilts of snow
Life has been frozen before, you know
But in the comfort of our loft
Our sheets are warm
Her covers soft

Seasons change like minds unmade
And snow can fall as deep as pain
Change shall come
In a quickening breath
And spring shall arrive
In the time that's set...

Running from crazy
That's my excuse!
Self medication
Don't call it abuse...
But I've been without
Somewhere trapped within
Pour me a double
Before crazy does me in...

There exist a reason
I have to believe
Things are how
They're supposed to be
Pain and pleasure
Heaven and Hell
Doing just fine
But not that well
.....
Ups and downs
Backs and forth
Comings and goings
Returning
To Source
....
The trip of a lifetime
In an endless sea
Yes I do believe there's a reason
For you and for me!

Did you ever look
Into an addict's eyes
And see the reflection
Of your own ghost

All your judgment
All your abuse
Dangling there
A noose
Around your own throat

Deeper than human despair
The soul gone missing
Into thin air
Did your spirit ever grow tired
  Of existing here...

Did you ever wonder
If there was anything left
Did you ever catch
Your last breath?

I lost someone
From my core
Psychologically
I'm at war....

Every once in a while
I write a poem about you
I wonder have you ever read
I rhyme vague subjective truths
Like your heart must
Somehow be dead
Time she's a ticking
And truth is a sea
And you're still drowning
And drowning me...

I'm much more complex
Then your perception of me
I once was a sailor
In a corrupt Navy
I once was a drunker
I once was a thief
I once had to run
From the local police
I fell in love
Well maybe twice
My heart is missing
More then one slice
I wish I had
More love in my life
Yet I've been assured
Everything is alright
.....

It's not there any longer
That sparkling loving glow
I see you reaching out for
Someone else to hold...
You've an itch deep beneath
Scratch it as you may
I will write this unread poem
And bleed another day!

As she comes into focus
I lower my eyes
I pretend not to notice
The desires of life
Be still my heart
In your broken walls
When it comes to love
My soul has been lost
.....

So strong
My need to define
Meaning get lost
Within vague lines

What I try to express
In a poetic displays
Is as a Traveler
I realize
I can never stay

But I'll visit you
From time to time
From line to line
I'll try to rhyme

But reading you
Has been my greatest pleasure
I appreciate you all
Beyond poetic measure!

Are we blessed
Or are we ******
All this beauty
And suffering

One seems less
The other extreme
One is so real
It chokes out your dreams

Yet clinging to life
Takes more then it seems
It's like gasping for air
And trying to scream

Ya, it's not that bad
For everyone...
I guess we're all blessed
When it's all said and done
..................................................

I am on a mission
An oath of heart and mind
I pledge to do the right things
Each and every time!

I'm sure I'll stumble
And I'll surely stagger
Doing what's right
Is no small matter

But if I fumble
And drop the ball
I’ll pick it back up
And heed the call

Give in? I refuse
Even if I lose
Doing what's right
Is what I'll choose
....