I refuse to shape my world
To fit your points of view
Perfection alone hardly ever stands true
Between the lines we all fall through
Righteousness, your badge of honor
Your heart must be black and blue
And so I'm sorry I told you the truth
.......................................

Maybe If...
I'd never been locked away
Nor faced them firing lines
Maybe if...
Everybody I ever loved
Still loved me throughout time

Maybe if...
The walls I erected
Could never fade away
Then just maybe
I'd still feel safe
In this crazy maze!

Notice!
Silence seems to have
Taking over
It's Sunday morning
Am I the only one up
Or even sober?
Somebody, anybody
Sing me a song
A poem about cutting
Would be better then none
Surely some Poet
Has pain to covey
When you get home from church
Write what you may
I'll shoot you a heart
Some loving thoughts
HP is my addiction
This is the cost
.....................





...

In my next breath
I'll be choking
Taken in a deep hit
And just keep toking
The words will flow
In a peaceful rivers
Warm at night
Not a single shiver
It helps clear crazy
Out of the way
Dear Doctor
Keep those pills
For another day
..................

Knowing we're strong
We keep holding on
Never letting go
Poets are such stubborn
Individuals...
Using our words
We attempt to fix our worlds
Truth is...
I can't even fix what's wrong
Between me and my girl...
I take no credit
When she finally smiles
My heart has been lost
For miles and miles...

Whisper my name
It you recall this rhyme
Don't back down
It's not our time!

I must apologies
I have a tendency to project
It happens when I read
  A poem of abuse or neglect...
Bad things happen
Good people go bad
That was my reality
  The only one I had...
So hold on tight
To your poetry
and to your soul
You're similar
  To the way I was
Years ago...

I'm just projecting an old role!
........................................

In the basement of memory
The ache takes it's leave

In temples of enlightenment
We learn how to grieve

In the back of our knowing
Where forgotten dissolves

My love is still waiting
It's final resolve
...

What was it
That finally broke my soul?
Perhaps I was suppose to die
Many years ago
I made amends
To set thing right
But it seemed that was just
A wasted flight
Somehow I'm still alive
Suffering as I survive
I have no words
Left to say
No warnings
To convey
Believe as you may
I wasn't suppose to write
These words today
Instead I should be sleeping
In a younger me's grave....

Imagine if this was a poem
A real poem
Perhaps a poem about
"The uncertainties of love"
I have so much love to share
And yet, I can never get enough
But my love so often
Turns to doom and despair
Imagine that
More than any soul should bear...
Fortunately
This has been an imaginary poem
I'm hoping my feelings haven't shown
..................

I just sat there
Staring out the window
Her words like blowing rain
I close my mind a little tighter
But her words blow through me
Just the same

Trees cushioned in quilts of snow
Life has been frozen before, you know
But in the comfort of our loft
Our sheets are warm
Her covers soft

Seasons change like minds unmade
And snow can fall as deep as pain
Change shall come
In a quickening breath
And spring shall arrive
In the time that's set...

Running from crazy
That's my excuse!
Self medication
Don't call it abuse...
But I've been without
Somewhere trapped within
Pour me a double
Before crazy does me in...

There exist a reason
I have to believe
Things are how
They're supposed to be
Pain and pleasure
Heaven and Hell
Doing just fine
But not that well
.....
Ups and downs
Backs and forth
Comings and goings
Returning
To Source
....
The trip of a lifetime
In an endless sea
Yes I do believe there's a reason
For you and for me!

Did you ever look
Into an addict's eyes
And see the reflection
Of your own ghost

All your judgment
All your abuse
Dangling there
A noose
Around your own throat

Deeper than human despair
The soul gone missing
Into thin air
Did your spirit ever grow tired
  Of existing here...

Did you ever wonder
If there was anything left
Did you ever catch
Your last breath?

I lost someone
From my core
Psychologically
I'm at war....

Every once in a while
I write a poem about you
I wonder have you ever read
I rhyme vague subjective truths
Like your heart must
Somehow be dead
Time she's a ticking
And truth is a sea
And you're still drowning
And drowning me...

I'm much more complex
Then your perception of me
I once was a sailor
In a corrupt Navy
I once was a drunker
I once was a thief
I once had to run
From the local police
I fell in love
Well maybe twice
My heart is missing
More then one slice
I wish I had
More love in my life
Yet I've been assured
Everything is alright
.....

It's not there any longer
That sparkling loving glow
I see you reaching out for
Someone else to hold...
You've an itch deep beneath
Scratch it as you may
I will write this unread poem
And bleed another day!

As she comes into focus
I lower my eyes
I pretend not to notice
The desires of life
Be still my heart
In your broken walls
When it comes to love
My soul has been lost
.....

So strong
My need to define
Meaning get lost
Within vague lines

What I try to express
In a poetic displays
Is as a Traveler
I realize
I can never stay

But I'll visit you
From time to time
From line to line
I'll try to rhyme

But reading you
Has been my greatest pleasure
I appreciate you all
Beyond poetic measure!

Are we blessed
Or are we ******
All this beauty
And suffering

One seems less
The other extreme
One is so real
It chokes out your dreams

Yet clinging to life
Takes more then it seems
It's like gasping for air
And trying to scream

Ya, it's not that bad
For everyone...
I guess we're all blessed
When it's all said and done
..................................................

I am on a mission
An oath of heart and mind
I pledge to do the right things
Each and every time!

I'm sure I'll stumble
And I'll surely stagger
Doing what's right
Is no small matter

But if I fumble
And drop the ball
I’ll pick it back up
And heed the call

Give in? I refuse
Even if I lose
Doing what's right
Is what I'll choose
....

Sorry this poem
Wasn't suppose to be
Written this way
Strangely arranged
Vaguely conveyed  
Last minute changes
Just like her love
Seems my last stanzas
Has run out of luck
....

What is behind an eye
A place where a fear resides
A love that stretches
Both far and wide

Far more than a place
To simply mask a lie
There's so many different eyes
So many bright and brilliant shining eyes

Does eye color somehow matter
Can blue eyes feel sadness sadder
The odds favor your eyes to be brown
Which are some of the nicest folks around

Or perhaps these descriptions are stereotypes
Because green-eyed people just love to fight
And eyes with freakish hues of silvers and blues
Can capture your heart and run you through

Yet from a common unfounded point of view
My eyes are hazel and a bit red too
In the perfect shadow of a wicked moon
They can appear a shade of handsome blue

But let me not lead your reading eyes astray
Hazel stands for slimy green goo turning grey
And the stereotype that fits us like any made up lie
That an iris could ever affect the person behind the eyes

She shaped me
And molded me
As I laid numb
She stole my soul
An amount of gold
And of course
She had her fun
And now
The strings of my life
Dangle from her hands
I am but a piece of wood
Formed to be her man

Things have been rearranged
There're not as they were
Universal disruptions
Right here on earth
Memory recalls
Stripped from our minds
Where ever life leads me
I note it in rhyme!

Two rough looking fellows
On their way down
**** and ******
In their vehicle was found...
A feeling of sadness
Because that was once me
Oh how twisted
City life can be...
And then a young mother
I've been her before
A broken ******
With love at the core...
A slave to madness
Chasing a rush
Strange how fast a life
Down the toilet can flush!

I've come to realize
I need to write
Every word a breath of light
Every thought a burning flame
Every struggle
Down the drain...
I need to convey
These parts that rhyme
It's how I keep
My heart in line
..................................

Shake it off
And leave it lay
That was way back yesterday
You wrote it down
Said your say
So now....
It's time to write
Again today!

I pretend
Everything is fine
That's the secret
That gets me by...
But truth is lately
Things been really ******
A serous lost of love and trust
There's a hole in my soul
The place where my life's blood flows
And empties alone...
Lost in the night
Even reason's teeth
Enjoys a bite
Still I pretend
Everything will be alright!

If I attempted to expose
My many dysfunctions
With words that simply rhymed
My heart would surely ache
As I committed to relate
The faults in my weary mind
What I'm really trying to say
Between these lines is where I fade
And so I survive another day!

Stacks of memories
In a recycle bin
Pulling 'em out
Putting 'em in

Remember whens
Where we like to go
Never forget 'ers
Imprinted on soul

Lost in piles of files in flesh
Moments we were not at our best
Dark nights come and slowly fade
Until grey matter triggers spark replay

Up front the nows
The essence of living
The thankfuls to be
The resentful misgivings

The never forgets
Forgives and regrets
All the wins, the losses
The deaths
  
Yet there's still plenty of room
For those good memories
We haven't made yet...

Such deviated courses
This poetic passion seeks
Driven by forces
From nature to beast
Tempered and nurtured
From unleavened to yeast
Bought and then sold
Judas to Priest

To and fro
The heart we know
Off the beaten path  
With soul in toll
Fro and to
Right and then left
Any which way
More or less...

When we finally find
Our fostered ways
It's always prime time
For another maze...

Being
High on a hill
Don't make us divine
Looking down
The spirit goes blind
Say what you believe
Believe what you see
Until you come down
And set the clouds free
.........

It don't matter
Where I land
Two strong feet
Stay I can
I love people
My smile is real
I love life
Especially when
Kindness kills
I know worry
It'll make one ill
An open heart
Could save a world
.......................................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XcN12uVHeQ

I believe my truck
Is still in the driveway
Where I parked it
Last night...

I'm always afraid
I'm never sure why
I simply push my
Irrational fear's
Down deeper inside

Dreaded night
One eye open
Nightlight on
Shadows dancing
Into the dawn

But in the day
That's when I pray
All of this beauty
Please let me stay!

A wise man
Once tried to teach me
If all else seems to fail
Listen to the universe
The wisdom that it tells
The voices within
The white noise
Unfolding like a spell
The vibration illuminates
The reasons for your hell
Open up your spirit's eye
See what can't be seen
This is only temporary
All this suffering
........

It's simple
My Achilles' heel
Is being alone
No place to run to
Or call my home...
No friends
No lover
Just me alone
Under cold covers
Trying to stay ******...
Tossing and turning
Trip through the night
No one there to hog the blankets
No one there to hold me tight...
As I limp through another flight
With my Achilles'heel
Still I fight!

Alone in this world
Is how I begin
Invisible beings
I come to depend
With belief so strong
Right led wrong
I fell to my knees
And cursed along
But it's
Too contradictory
To travel there
Mindsets that lead
Us to old fashion fears
Alone with beliefs
Of being alone
That's the true hell
That keeps me ******!

In days cut short
Of warn out soul
While immortality
Insist on growing old

Through tired eyes
Too dim to see
When from this evil night
My soul shall flee

How quickly
A simple smile fades
There shall be
No comfort, nor praise
Ridicule nor disdain
No eyebrow raised
In the bitter end
Of my days

All but love
Shall not delay
When the spirits
RIP my soul away
The harbinger's words
The curse of life
This has been a losing fight

There shall be
No comfort for me
No I don't believe...

Keep your secrets
As long as you can
Keep your secrets
From your best friends...

Keep your *****
In the dark
Out of sight
That's if your smart!

No reason to lie
No reason to tell
Keep your secrets
It's your own Hell!

I for one am not ready
To expire in some final end
Imagine a futures
That somehow actually bends!

Multiverses?
Where our lost parts exist
Our over all identities
The parts that we resist

Without which we are far
From being whole
Across time and space
It is not a race
To come together
With our over all soul!

Woke up this morn
Everything felt right
Oh how I wish
With all my might
To leave behind
The burdens in tow
All that disturbs me
Let it all go
But then again
I've been here before
Running from demons
That cling to my core
......

Forgetful mindedness
And a feeling of dread
Suffocating poetic thoughts
Upon my bed

Morning words
My poetic views
Write them down
Break the rules

Every word
Every rhyme
Every passion of my mind
Written down
Line by line
Written down
And
Lost in time
....................

Oh, oh please don't go
Give me one more try, please!
I'll try, I'll try to believe
Close my eyes, pretend not to see
Let your heart bleed
Bleed into me
Turn, turn my aura green
I can handle it
I'm a machine
Just a thing...
Trying to be
A human being
....

The rules I follow
Straddle the lines
Too far left
This right foot of mine
If it leads to hate
You can count me out
Love is the only Lady
I long to mount!

You know
That strange girl
She always seemed
A little spaced out
Like she was lost or something
I always wondered why...
Now it seems
I've become her!

Embarrassing to admit
This time of year
Your cold memories
Control my gift...
Iced over thoughts
Of all I have lost
Along slippery ways
Back in your
Coldest day's...
February you are my curse's
Each time around
Seem's to get a little bit worse
Somewhere between
Christmas and spring
I tend to write
Really dark themes
February?
Of all the months
In a single year
How did you trap
My weary heart here?

It's happen before
But there was always
A reason..
A bitter ending or sudden change
The heart breaking season..
Loss of children
Loss of freedom
Even trust
Turned to treason..

But not this time
I should be fine
I've worked so hard
On this love of mine

I'll be alright
I'll be fine
Meditation
Will helps keep me
Inline!

Mighty are the winds
In their invisibility...
Wickedly blowing
All around me...
I am but an island
In a mighty storm
Of needs...

Living
Resentful lies
Somehow we survive...
Invisibility keeps me alive
....

This next stanza
Would be to painful to write
So I'll use my invisible words
And hope everything
Turns out all right!