To my dearest self,
Most of the time I yearn to be you again because growing up is weird
Growing up is having to adjust to each an every event that occurs on this planet
You lose yourself for a moment then fight for your sanity
Well, atleast half of it
You grow up to be a walking contradiction
Because society itself is contradictory
" Be yourself ": they say, " but not like that"
Now you tune into your survival mode just to get through the day
You lose friends, yes even the ones you called "bestfriend forever"
Because "Forever" now has a subtle "hopefully" prior to it
Everything now is shortlived
There's too much violence, malice and deceit
Many lives are taken
Many people are unhappy
Ego is the new 60% and 40 is figuring out what 20 could be.
We feed each other pain like it's a daily bread
While trauma is the new normal
And being cool means hurting the one you love.
We lie so much we end up lying to ourselves, then we go into a battle of trying to know ourselves.
Crazy right?
Growing up you find yourself in an academy, "a real life academy", a Wise one once said.
You learn, you unlearn and you survive then you learn again.
It's a whole neverending vicious circle.
But trust me when I say, you are going to be alright.
Because amidst the chaos, you will find a beautiful and deserving love.
You will lose friends and gain new precious ones.
You will find perfection in your imperfections and make it work.
You will find peace within yourself
You will understand the meaning of being in the moment.
Mostly, you will be happy and find healing.
Just be patient
Because life can be beautiful when you alienate yourself from the norm and just be!

Remember to love yourself always!

Love,
your older self

They said to be beautiful is to love thyself
I guess I'm too ugly to even trust myself
They said to be amazing is to have confidence
I guess I'm too overwhelmed to know the precedence
They said to know yourself is key
I guess I'm too far yearning for happiness to even be
They said being happy makes you healthy
I guess I've been too sad to notice that I'm grumpy
They said...
I guess I'll keep guessing until I have the last word to myself

MIND
To my mind, the most high that controls every part of me. I apologise, I apologise for feeding you with endless negativity, which left you in pain, for always putting you in the back sit when all you yearned for was to shine. I shut you out when you wanted was to prove that you can. I have made you susceptible to every thorn shot at you, and all I did was hide while you took the fall. To my conscious, my deepest apology.

BODY
To my body, to you that has been wonderfully made by the most high, to you whom is my fortress and my pillar, to you whom is the epitome of a Queen. One that is hailed by every eye it catches. To you who has the ability to poise down the streets of gravel road, yet I shame you and put you down. To my fortress that keeps me in one piece, the unique, the exquisite art that is you, designed by one enigma of an artist who is unknown to the eye but known by the soul. Even when I almost cut you to cause you pain for my own selfish reason. My deepest apology.

FACE
To you, the one that is the revealer of what is felt inside. My apologies for all the unwanted masks when all you yearned for was to smile. I know there are days when I look at you and feel less of a person compared to everyone else, days where I ask myself "what about this flaw? too big, too small, can't I just exchange?". My apologies to you for always looking in the mirror and not like what I see. Most of all, I thank you for always glowing and loving me even when I fail to see it.

You are very beautiful, believe it until it's impossible to. From me to you, my sincere apology.

O.Aphane

Art.
It is alive,
It breathes,
It smiles,
And it pains.
It is felt,
It is heard,
It is seen,
And it is eaten.
Art.
Through humans, it lives
Through nature, it breathes
Through portraits, it smiles
And through rain, it pains. Nostalgia it's what it brings.
Art.
Through your veins, it is felt
With your ears it is heard, in many different ways it fascinates.
And through your eyes, it is seen.
Art.
With your brain, it lives
It breathes
It smiles
It pains
It's felt
It hears
And it sees
Therefore, it eats.
Art is your imagination.

Today I realised I hated everyone
Today I realised I'm a hateful being
People smiling, I hated it
People laughing, I cringed
People talking, I boiled
To the highest temperature
I cried
Suddenly I realised it was me I hated
So my anger protruded to the harmless
Hoping to feel better
Today I realised I hated myself

O. Aphane

We are born into this world
Oblivious to what it holds
We walk through this journey to find our purpose
Some leave before they would and some wander and lose hope
Because life is nothing but a hard place
But with love, it is bittersweet
Along our journey we find love
You get to see the beautiful side of the hard place
You get to feel joy and happiness
You become hopeful
You get closer and closer to your purpose
You forget about many
You become a child again
You feel
You laugh
And you gaze into the soul of another with amazement
Because you don't want it to end
However, life is a hard place
But with you in it, it is bittersweet

O Aphane

We've mastered the art of mimicry
Too often we act accordingly just to end up being finicky
Because what's being true to yourself to one's unconditional love
Too often we study each other to be like the other
Because you heard that's a better version compared to another
Now all you do is mimic to the expense of trying to please
While the originality of your soul is begging you to cease
The constant transformation of foreign personalities
Of which your body lacks the ability
To withhold what it wasn't built to carry
Now being yourself seems too farfetched to your soul
Because..
We've mastered the art of mimicry

O. Aphane

Sometimes we think a lot about friendships and relationships that didn't work out
Late at night we blame ourselves because no apologies were said
You grow to be enemies because no conversation was laid
But remember everything fades.
Sometimes we think a lot about our future
We forget that our present needs our nurture
We have embedded our past to torture
And now it's hard to forget about her
But remember this shall pass too.
Sometimes we don't get what we want
Not because we can't
Not because of trite
But because God's timing is always right.
Sometimes we feel lost
We try hard and nothing works out!
Faith is lost!
Belief is lost!
Hope is lost!
Just breathe...
And remember life is a road trip.

I am a Supa Woman

One who possesses traits of a Queen

Poise and never flaunts

Calm and never taunts

Special in every kind of way

Soulful each and every day

Aware of her flaws

Always tries to keep her claws

Mindful of her words

Truthful to her world

Her weaknesses are her strengths

That is how she exists

Her beauty is her kindness

Sensuality is her happiness

And love is her aura

I am a Supa Woman

****

Understanding

Powerful

Amazing

A Warrior

Omnicompetent

Majestic

Attractive

and

Natural.

I am a Supa Woman


OP Aphane

Your love is the greatest feeling you give to me
Never will I compare
Never will I despair
It is home to my sanity
The common place for my tranquillity
The high to my low of which I can call my Mary Jane
Nonchalantly, away you take the pain
My wish is for it to take most of it away
But these are the unspoken words I wish to hear
Making you happy
Driving you insane to the sight of seeing me
Not feeling ashamed
And most of all loving me without a doubt
I know I'm too far from being perfect
Too far from being perfect for you
But these are the unspoken words I wish to hear from you

O.Aphane

To be black is to live with shame
23 years old, Jordan on my feet I'm a ****
When I'm at the corner hanging with my friends I'm cuffed
With no apparent reason, suddenly I broke the law
My skin is what makes me a foe
What I didn't choose to become is what is getting me killed
My blood is as red as theirs
However, until it's splashed out on the floor then it'd be evident enough
My heart pumps as theirs
However, mine has to skip a beat every now and then waiting for the next pull up
My ears are moulded like theirs
However, mine are always agitated by the next " hands up!"
I was made by the same God you pray to every night to protect you from me
Until they realize that
When they see us, they will always see the next "animal" to hunt down

O.Aphane

Many times I wish
Because I strongly believe that the universe would listen
Many times I ask God why
Because I strongly believe that he would somehow give me all the answers
But when I wish ,
I always wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can protect you from all the unseen evil deeds of the world
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can eradicate the pain caused by my humanly words that I don't mean
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can help you in everything your heart desires because I know I would
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can carry it all for you when it's heavy
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can give you everything that would put a smile on your face
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can stop the world for you if you wanted to breathe
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can bring back all the good memories with your loved ones to life just to see you smile
Many times I wish to be a guardian Angel
So that I can ease it all, while you lay down in my arms
But, I cannot be a guardian Angel
So, many times when I wish
I always wish love, happiness and peace upon you, because that's the greatest love closest to a mother's love I could give to you.
I love you

O Aphane

Words are food to the mind

For the mind to be obese it has to be the gory food it eats

Wonder why it can be heavy sometimes?

Fats are big molecules that has little role to health but a huge one to death

Death of the mind, body and soul

Your mind eats more than your physical body

Because it absorbs every second of the day

And unlike the body, it produces its own type of food depending on what it has been fed

Toxic words are like fatty foods, the difference is they are not tasty

They are like cancer

One moment you think you got rid of them then they come back ten times harder, unaware

Unfortunately no chemotherapy is there to help reduce, but you

Altering your mind is your first remedy

Is it comfortable? No

Is it easy? No

Is it nice? No

Why?

The mind has spent most of its time generating what it has been accustomed to its daily feeds

The belief that it's human nature to believe the bad about yourself more than the good has got to be an absurd one in history

You believe more about yourself what your mind eats the most

When you surround yourself with someone who utters nothing but toxicity, you will most definitely believe that

One thing about that, it scars your mind

Your mind will constantly believe nothing but toxicity, and that's the fatty foods

Until it becomes obese and heavy for your heart.

Obesity of the body brings along its other friends

Obesity of the mind has its friends too, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, self hate, you can name more are the most known

The moment you are in the state everything about your body shuts down

When you look back, it only started with just one toxic word either from your loved ones or yourself

Messy poem? that's what healing is.



O.P Aphane