It’s hazy. It’s yellow.
It spins and confuses.
It finds all the elements
Intellect uses.

It’s a smell.
It’s a memory.
It’s a comforting chill.
It’s a clever confusion
To wrap up our will.

It’s stagnant,
Yet vibrant.
It’s scathing,
Yet kind.
It’s the resources I’ve spent
To leave pain behind.

A massive abundance on a gentle breeze.
Oh, how the clouds seem to move with ease.
Smooth and certain across the sky.
A visual feast for a hungry eye.

Thick grey centres, with edges soft and unkempt.
Oh, to be in that world of which I’ve only dreamt.
To feel the cool wetness I imagine I’d feel
If I could break gravity, and be in the clouds for real.

I was born
with questions in my mouth.
Why do wolves howl?
What do bees dream?
Will I ever be held
the way that the ocean's depths
hold secrets?
*
I pressed my hands
into the cool dirt of every mystery,
removed them to find earth under my nails,
ink on my palms,
and a smile I still cannot explain.

They tried to tell me:
not everything needs to be known.
But how could I keep from exploring
when every whisper of the wind,
every caw of the crows,
every daisy's petal,
tells me there is more.

They tried to tell me:
Pandora's jar is just Eden's apple
wearing a new name -
blooming only sorrow,
but can we really know the light
without the dark?

Hope was the last thing breathing.
She was caught in the looking glass,
unable to speak,
and I thought her reflection
looked an awful lot
like me.

Voices saying nothing.
Never stopping.
Maybe we’ll crash.
Maybe I’ll fly.

Music from nowhere
“I feel bad for her fiancée or whatever he is”
I know your face.
I’ve seen your insides.
Maybe I’ll fly.

Empty eyes.
Empty smile.
“Like no offence to her but she’s too shy”
Maybe we’ll crash.
Maybe I’ll fly.

Pounds to tons.
Routine to chaos.
Maybe we’ll die,
But maybe I’ll fly.

There are those who shout loudly for human rights,
But they’ve misplaced the bullseye for that fight.
Falsely believing that their sight is long,
But misaligned convictions can still be strong.

I hear the patter and clatter of clapping horse feet.
Tips of glue, carrying pounds of meat.
Transportation, labour, food, or tool.
An atrocity to fight for a hopeful fool.

To stop and think.
To feed and free.
Steps to take, though measuredly.

An occasional hit.
First one then another.
A way to cope,
With ourselves,
With each other.

An open dialogue on common ground.
A way to bring the temperature down.

But there’s no need to fuss,
And who ever wanted to be rude?

We all feel that we know what’s right,
But when we reflect we just might

Find that our actions
Aren’t always
In accord with our attitudes.

I feel the prickles on my skin, and the tingling in my spine.
I know that there’s a voice he hears, and I know it isn’t mine.
I temper my self-torture, for I know there are no stakes.
But I fear he likes the sounds that other women make.

I warm and bathe in worry. I feed my envy and it grows.
I boil and seethe over, and hope my anguish never shows.
I temper my reactions, for I fear imminent  mistakes.
When I see he likes the sounds that other women make.

I feel some sort of sadness, and feel compelled to make it hate.
I know these thoughts of mine are madness, but imagined wounds can’t be erased.
I clench, and my fists clutch, and I hope that my bones break,
So I’ll forget he likes the sounds that other women make.

I lose sight of my sanity, letting my fragile ego break.
I lament it might provoke in me my gravest faults to date.
I dwell and I obsess, and wonder how much I can take
When I face the fact he likes the sounds that other women make.

Do I wish to live among them?
Sometimes “yes”, most often “no”.
In that mix of grazers grazing,
Until they’re told it’s time to go.
Would I let them sheer me?
Feed me? Breed me?
In some other life,
Perhaps, who knows?
But terms like “trending topics”
Tend to wound my very soul.
And only rarely have I found another
Who can understand my goal.

But halt!

I fear that I can take no more,
My cup has already overflowed.