blame the captains
easiest
but the truth is hard to find

I wish I was a musician,
Wrote riffs for my guitar,
Earned loads of cash, looked like Slash,
And drove a fancy car.
I wish I was an artist,
Created worlds with paint,
Banksy as my bro, a huge afro,
At my feet London would faint.
I wish I was an actor,
For all the world's a stage,
I'd win awards, tread the West End boards,
And make 'portly' all the rage.
It's pants being a poet,
Scribbling odes year after year,
But I'm not flighty, I can write in my nightie,
And post it all on here.

"I'm a poet", I said and my friend laughed.
"No you're not. I wrote a poem once. Does that make me a poet too?"
Yes, yes it does.
We all are.
Most of us just don't like talking about it.

The best thing about teaching poetry,
And being a poet,
Is that you can show the children,
That sometimes what you write is AMAZING,
And sometimes it is *******,
But it all involves scribbles,
And considering every word,
And what is ******* to you,
Speaks to somebody else,
And what is AMAZING to you,
Is AMAZING to you. (and that's enough)
Oh and it doesn't have to rhyme.

Young people today have missed out on courting by mixtape.
Starts with dance tunes.
Gets into R n B.
Bit of metal if you have a row.
My mixtape ended with Jagged Edge.
Reader, I married him.

I think I'm in love with Alan Sugar,
And it isn't for his magnificent beard.
Nor for the way he fixes the boardroom
With a steely gaze that must be feared.
I think I'm in love with Alan Sugar,
And it's not due to the cut of his tailored suit,
Nor to the way he points his finger
Or how he has *** loads of loot.
I think I'm in love with Alan Sugar,
And it's not for the 'banter' with Karen & Claude,
I gaze at the screen on Tuesday evening,
I wonder if Alan knows how he's adored?

In a corner of splendid Somerset,
Off Junction 22 M5,
Is a fantastic foodfest,
Where gourmands will feel alive.
There are the finest morsels known to man,
And loads of nibbles free,
Cheese and ale and honey for sale,
From our local bumble bee.
You can saunter undercover,
Taste beef that melts in the mouth,
Take a speedy lesson from a chef,
Try all the best foods from the South.
Have your pic taken with a tractor,
Sample olives, chutneys, beers!
Spend a pound or two, come enjoy the sea view,
And wish them many successful years.