I will leave no footprints
in the sand
as I will to walk away .

My past has led me here
and in my heart
I cannot stay .

I pass from more
than through all
the shades of gray .

I flee from all
my faults and fears
to the safety of possibilities

I leave you now
by these words
I will , I will , I will Away .

There’s a reason for all of this
There has to be a reason for all of this
Millions of billions of cells had to multiply, divide, and die just so you could stand here and say there’s no reason for any of this?

No

I refuse to believe this
It’s not an accident that we exist
Because someone once told me existence is resistance
And we can still win this
All we need is a little patience and persistence

Because objects in the mirror
Are always closer than they appear
And the only illusion here is the length of the distance

You’re going to be fine
You’re going to make it out alive
Repeat what I just said
And if doesn’t sound right, repeat it again

Because every time you draw breath, it's another protest
To every life death has possessed
And the fact that you made it this far with this shadow at your back
Means your stubborn lungs make up for something your hopes lack

Know that there’s truth when they say this too will pass
And each moment you hate is immediately replaced with one that stands atop the past
This pain simply cannot last

But sometimes simple anchors aren’t enough so we’ll tether our ships to mountains and brace for bad weather
Taking each wave like the ground takes the rain until it cleans us for the better
So look up and pull yourself together

There’s still a sky hidden up there behind the clouds
This is all just the prologue
And there’s still a truth somewhere up there in the sun
Slow down, there’s nothing to outrun
We are not the ghosts of the things we’ve done

So curl up your fingers into a fist
And let stubborn knuckles meet the concrete
Don’t worry if your hands bleed
Instead, greet the earth with the same force it gave you every time you fell down
Then, protest gravity by standing up and making yourself perpendicular to the ground

Go slowly now,
But speak so loud that the silence has no choice but to listen
And exit now if you want to but promise to come back because this isn’t over, it’s just an intermission

Because no matter where we were when it began
I promise, it’s nothing compared to where we’ll be at the end

So please, stick around and see how it ends.

Sometimes there are only the small things
left for us to cling to when all else
has receded into the folds of the past,
or the mists of an uncertain future.

Merely a moment remembered perhaps,
or a burning hope for what may come,
but it is in this, the power of the heart
to derive what strength it can,
in which I place my life.

It is always Autumn in that moment
for me, golden leaves falling
and making the raking of them
an almost daily chore.

But I wouldn't trade the trees
they fall from for anything,
their beauty being worth the work.

Nor would I trade the journey
that has brought me here by
so many crooked paths,
painful as it may have been.

It has all been worth it,
every wound and every tear,
all those nights spent empty
and searching, looking backward
and in love with memories.

This is worth all the pain I
could ever suffer, all the money
I could ever make, all the
great adventures I may have had.

This moment, looking up
from raking leaves in a yard
and thinking long thoughts,
to see her watching me.

She was pouring love into her
garden, lavishing it with care
as if it were the height of May
and the plants were exploding
into bloom all around her.

It's overcast today, and quiet,
that quiet right before a light snow,
the first snow of the year a few
days before Thanksgiving.

She told me last night about
a Buddhist concept that I had
some trouble wrapping my head
around, something called
loving-kindness, which I have
been thinking on as we go.

I think I understand what it means
now, when our eyes meet in that
moment during a pause from routine.

I'll have to try and ask about it later
when we go inside and eat supper,
but for now, with us as we are, in this
moment I understand.

we're coming up on one year
since you've been gone
and as i look at all the changes that have happened in this life of mine since you departed
it seems as if one year has been far too long
i could really use a hug from you today
you know, one of your specialty embraces you so easily and wholeheartedly gave away
i could really stand to see the smile on your face
that same smile that could stop the devil in his pace
your energy
your will
it's all still here
even though you died in the flesh
your spirit remains in the clear
and i have the honor of knowing a spirit of such
one of unimaginable happiness
with the most caring of touch

thank you for the years you were here
and for still watching down over all of us

we still miss you.