do you remember when you left my bed
for the last time that dark december night?
you were angry and i was cold
i couldn't give you exactly what you wanted--
your desire, a warm invitation into a life i didn't know i'd want
but now as i see you through tinted windows at red light intersections
and i catch our friends saying your name in hushed tones
i find myself face to face with you in my midnight thoughts
wondering what i'm missing from our past life together
slow kisses, warm embraces, soft smiles
the way you held my hand as you drove your car
the way you grabbed my neck and pulled me closer
the way you wiped away these incessant tears
all the things that kept me close to you
but i can't forget the things that pushed me away
echoing arguments, unrealistic expectations, alcohol-dependent nights
the way your irreverent temper slashed my autonomy
the way you despised sobriety but only around me
the way that I was never enough
do you miss me like i miss you,
or do you hate me like i hate you?

I know you're gone
And you can't live on
But some nights i wonder
If you ever really left

I know you're there
And i know you can hear me
But every day i question
If you really still care

I know I miss you
And there's nothing i can do
But I keep wondering
If this was all a huge mistake

I know you love me
And that's plan to see
But I ask myself all the time
If you know what i know
That you were and are
Everything i would ever need