The day
undated,
The moment
unannounced,
The experience
unexpected.

Helplessness.

• Keep me posted!
• Look at my hands for a while.
• You can be yourself around me.
• Hold me when I need it.
• Smile when I feel threatened.
• Look me in the eye.
• Think about the effect you have on me.
• Don't underestimate me.

'at least I'm awake'
as eyes haze over
'at least I'm aware'
but it all tastes like water
'at least I'm alive'
god, at least I'm alive

The angel moves stealth-like
Appearing as summoned
Here and there to help
Look out, he could be watching
Making sure the nightmare monsters are held at bay

I have an angel watching me
Day and night
His work does not cease
Amazed at the honor
Of having you around me
Just wishing to touch and feel your feathery body

Sometimes
when I look in the mirror
I want to cry.
I see my flaws
with my ugly eyes.
My legs always touch
and then there's my chest....
it's not much.
My arms could be thinner,
but I'd have to go
without dinner.
My belly,
it always pokes out.
Don't you see
what I have to cry about?

I cannot forgive you
for your past mistakes
because they are wrapped up inside my chest,
burning like the summer sun.

I cannot forget
the nights when I felt like nothing
and I held a bottle of yellow pills in my hand
because you pushed me over the edge.

I will not forgive
this feeling of absolute sadness
wrapped up inside of me,
I will not forgive
the stab wounds to my back
that the words you couldn't speak to my face left.

I will not forgive the person I became
because you said I wasn't good enough
(and I still never will be).

I'm sorry my words come out
when I'm neck deep in alcohol,
but drunk words are sober thoughts
and I've never been known to keep my mouth shut.

You are everything I never wanted to be around,
a disease of the mind, body, and soul,
and I cannot forgive you
for being the decay that is my demise.