He doesn't love me

*He loves who he thinks I am

For the majority of my life I've been cared for by my parents.
Now i'm all alone trying to do this on my own
Fending for myself
Got me feeling stressed out
Popped to many Xanax
Bout to pass out
Just hit the couch and i'm startin to black out
How many did i do again?
I think i lost count
Stomachs feeling week
Feelin like i'm at the peak
Don't wanna come down
I'm so sick of the frown
Depression at its worst
Thinking that im gonna burst
Tired of being the clown
Now im searching for the crown

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place