Sometimes I am barely a person.
Just a walking, talking doll, waiting for instruction.

I feel like a faraway dream.
Just waiting for them to give or take my autonomy.

The only time I can feel for myself
is when I'm manic, in panic, screaming for help.

When I'm in this place, it is spiritual.
Death waits patiently, anticipating at my door.

So far from reality, lost in a place of need.
Feed me your attention and pull on my leash.

My friends used
To always be around
Good times, bad times
It didn't really matter
Every day was a new
Exciting adventure

Fast forward 10 years
Our group is scattered
All over the world and
We've become merely
Memoirs to reminisce
On my insomnia nights

i'm breathing fast
i'm seeing the past
things i don't want to remember
hit me like a blast

anxiety rising
breath denying
i'm hearing their words
i feel like i'm dying

their words hit me like a stab
i crunch like a crab
that they stepped on
i feel a jab

words bleed out of my chest
as i remember what i don't want to
i'm not ready
wait... just let me

try
to
forget

Wake up, my dear friend.
"It's a new day today,
and I have a new song for you,"
said the yellow-bellied sunbird.

Little yellow birds
Greet my window this morning
Lovely beginnings.

Starry dark blue sky
Brilliantly sparkling stars
The beauty of the night.

Last night,
when I closed my eyes,
I saw the moon
so full and so bright.
I fell asleep smiling.

The power went off
The street was dark and quiet
One single star shines.