A season groups together months
Like days into weeks,
And forgotten in the sands of time
Rests the first month,
Nameless,
Because of my oblivion
In regard to the reel of time
Of fishing line
Steadily pulling out,
As the great trespasser
Ripples my water.

Fitting that the first month
Joins the dead of winter,
Since it will be the last time
I lay my eyes
On the untouched
Ice crystalline ground;
It’s sad coming to acknowledge
That in preaching of not taking for granted
Even a second,
I myself am ripe with hypocrisy
As I took for granted such a sight.

I’m a steady ripple
Heading straight for the shores
To be stranded,
For time’s turning
Of the wheel
Is unchanged
As my destination
Approaches
More rapidly than I’m prepared
To undertake,
And nobody can save me now.

I missed you again today
I took a step forward
While you took a step back
You saw and went to meet me
But I was already changing course
It's so frustrating..
The days we're out of sync
That end with questions unanswered

I missed another text today
A friend came by to check in
I just wasn't paying attention
And left you standing at the door
Left you staring at the word “delivered"
While I space out
Staring at an empty wall

Why is it so easy sometimes
To know exactly what everyone's thinking
And so ******* days like today
Where I feel completely disconnected
The answers are written on the faces
That I can't read or never see
I hope it's just a phase

Days like today leave me afraid

That I'm losing my humanity.

Brash as a wave
Is your verbose overbearance;
A noise box without a crank,
Just spit and sputter;
Have no breaks.
A false embrace
To make a step towards
What you said you wanted
Because a train on a track
Stops at nothing
Without a destination.

I have to confess,
When I feel your skin
I picture someone else;
When I look in your eyes
I look at my reflection
And question
My intentions
Wondering if I’ll
Ever have the strength
To admit disingenuity.

Puckering lips begging
To be held by another pair,
And mine have no desire
They just blankly stare.
I find more romantic fulfillment
From a pillow late at night
Than your arms
Intertwining within tangled sheets
And fake smiles.

Is this the ****** of the story?
Or did I just finish you again
Because I’m so dry
That I can’t tell why I even
Give you my time or attention.
We’re disingenuous acquaintances,
Not even lovers,
Not even friends,
We’re just here
We’re just convenient
And I think I’m finally spent.

Is there something wrong with me,
For feeling like I do?
With so many beautiful eyes around me,
I only want to be seen by you.
You have doubts cause there are others closer,
But I only want to be held by you.
I was doing fine alone,
But now I can hardly breathe without you.

There are thirteen hours between us,
After the sun sets you begin your day,
But I miss sleep just to talk to you,
And then rest easy knowing you're okay.
Is it okay to fall this hard?
To feel as if nothing else matters..
To throw my heart to you across the world,
Knowing if you don't catch it, it will shatter.

I can't stop myself from trusting you though,
Because everything's so much better,
When I let all my walls down and love,
Your love warms me like a sweater.
I hold on to hope that I'll be with you someday,
Doing all we hoped we'd do,
I believe if I keep holding on,
There's no way you won't come through.

I know there's nothing wrong with me,
I'm just learning how to trust.
You've given me something to believe in,
After so many promises crumbled to dust.
I won't feel guilty for trusting you,
As long as your love is guaranteed,
Because a life with you is worth the risk,
Darling, you are all I need.

Thinking of the way the wind blows
It seems a bit lighter today.
Closing my eyes,
I lose moments of my existence;
A year left to live…
Is it a curse to have the task
Of writing daily?
Should I blame the sky
For all the wear
I’m undertaking,
Before an undertaker
Assesses my lifeless figure
And helps others remember
Who I was--
Resurrecting me with makeup
And sewing me back together?

Is it a curse to be alive,
Living only half of what was promised
As sleep takes the stars from my sight
And blinking steals moments
Out of every frame of my life?
It’s hard to be witness
To such an existence
I wonder what their punishment
Will be if I miss a day posting.
Should I resign?
Or will they just force me?
I’m afraid of what’s to come,
But blinking is stealing
Moments of my life away--
Moments, I surmise, that in bargaining,
I could regain.

Precious seconds fill the void of time
For every second that goes by
One month has passed
And only eleven more
Before the end.
Do you just sit there
Waiting to be consumed,
Or do you feel life
In every second that passes?
Either way your time is limited.

Are you here?
Are you present in this moment,
Or is the passing of time something that happens to you?
What did you eat for breakfast last monday?
Do you even remember this morning?
Don’t let these precious seconds slip by,
Just because they’re not tied to precious memories.
Because the seconds with the people you love,
And the ones passed in the monotony of the day to day,
Are all the same length,
And each is an equal step forward
To the last second you get to spend.

Wilting is in our nature;
It's a part of existence
But the wilting bud left unbloomed
Leaves no greater waste
Of beautiful minds.
Sprout and let your roots
Plant deep
But let your heart show
That what you keep to yourself,
Doesn’t need to be uprooted
To be shown.
Just because the sky breathes
Winter through the clouds,
Doesn’t mean the sun
Isn’t shining behind them’
Don’t let yourself wilt
Just because the sky gives an excuse.

Existential horror.
The dread of being on a conveyor belt,
Taken somewhere you don’t know,
Your destination far away or around the corner,
With no power to slow down or stop.
Now or later,
We all reach the destination we’re bound for,
So why waste another moment,
Staring blankly down,
In attempts to deny you’re going anywhere?
Look up,
And join us as we face the end with hope.
334 more days.
334 more opportunities to live instead of simply not dying.

There’s been damage
Another crack in the wall of trust we built together

There’s writing on it now
Telling tales of future betrayal
And panicked thoughts
Fill my head
Telling me to either fortify or run away

And what do you do in response?

“I’m sorry”

A bandaid on a dam about to burst
Not even that
Because you still hold the hammer
That you took to our wall
Trying to tell me you’ve dropped it
While tightening your grip

“It’s okay”

My response creates a cloud
Now communication is severed
And we’re only exchanging pleasantries
To keep up a veil
A large but thin cloth
In the place our wall stood
So I don’t see you build your arsenal
While I build new walls and retreat

*******.
For keeping sweet music in my ears
Performing sleight of hand to distract me
Telling me sweet and beautiful lies

I wanted to believe you
But my eyes fell from your lips this time
To your knuckles growing pale
Telling of a coming attack
While your mouth told of retreat

By the time you hear this I’ll be far away
Or maybe right behind your back
Was my retreat a setup for me to someday go on the attack?
I’ll let that burn inside you so you know how the paranoia feels
And if I ever get revenge.. I guess I can only say “I’m sorry”