I told you I'd stopped drinking coffee
because it made me too anxious.
You told me,
wide eyed and serious,
that I was a different person
after a couple of cups,
my mood changed to black and unstable,
harsh.
How could I tell you
that it wasn't the coffee,
but you?
No amount of caffeine could make me shake like you could,
send the invisible hand wrapping round my neck,
constricting,
refusing to let go.
That sick twist in the pit of my stomach,
you,
the vice like tightening of my muscles leaving me bed bound,
you,
the topsy turvy, murky milkshake of words in my head,
you,
the quickening of breath,
short rasps racing up my throat knocked back and left to struggle somewhere around my lungs,
you.
It was all
you,
you,
you.
Coffee made me more alert, aware, awake;
unable to switch off and escape into sleep.
All I wanted to do was stop feeling tired.
You were one great big exhaustion.

Pink sugared candies, crimson cherries, sweet angels.
They are magical creatures with eyes that can pierce through concrete.
Baby faces, ***** lips, caramel apples with a toxic core.
They are roses that smell just as sweet even after they have been cut,
they have thorns like razor blades.
They are chest pains, beautiful lullabies.
They are lovely nightmares.

We're meant to be
Like summer and the sea.
We're meant to kiss
Like sun shine on my skin.
Your to hold me
Like the clouds in the sky.
I'm to hold you
Like the stars at night.
We're meant to love
Like no other.
Cause I know we'll
Always fight for each other.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

To put pen to paper,
and bring to life, Past and Pain,
to scribble out
and exchange,
Words for Scars.
Reality and Truth.
To risk my foundations shaking,
my earth, Quaking.
and leaving me roofless
seems Ruthless.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.