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.
you
saw through me
as if i was transparent
and watched my hollow heart
beat,  attempting to match  your
rhythm but changed pulse ever so
slightly the second i was almost
close enough so i ****** my
skin and  bones  for  being
built of cellophane and
bit my cheeks and
swallowed
blood for
every
time
you didn't
love me when you
should have, i built walls
around my ghostly body just high
enough to keep you out, then watched
you burn them down and dance in the ashes.
After all this time, I have learnt to write in the dark. See, this jukebox plays every night and it wouldn’t shut up no matter the pounds I fed. Such is the night of a writer; it goes on shuffle and repeat. And sometimes I hear your voice. Most times, it sounded like folding a picture of us and keeping it in the pockets of a stranger’s jeans, probably ending up tumbled and dried. I ask myself if it could have been a painted canvas. It’s just the thought of you that haunts me at night. If you ever do heart to heart talks, let’s talk about haunted houses. Some people get out of it; some don’t; some re-enter just for the thrill of it. I might be all three and I might not be the most played song in your playlist. I have tried several times to write about you, but none of them sounded right when I read them out loud. Some may write what they believe and some may write to believe; I might or might not be both. If I survived writing this prose, how could I be sure if it was your voice haunting me or if you were just a house I sought refuge in? The Northern Lights stays in the Aurora Zone; no one said that they’d ever Go West. Your skin on mine was like a child holding on to candy, I never wanted to let you go. When I wake, I only wonder if you have ever missed me at 3a.m.. I could make a mixtape titled: I heard you in these songs. But you were one who basked in the light. So I guess it’s safe to say that what was written in the dark stays in the dark.
If I could cut open my heart
And have it pour your blood
Would that make you more a part of me
Than the possession of all my love?

Reach inside your chest
And pull out anything but apathy,
So I can see you give
Something tangible back to me.

Rid my body of your toxins,
Sweat you out through every pore.
Until only the sweet salt is left
On my skin,
As it was before.

And maybe it's okay
To still say those three words.
As long as they taste like vinegar
Instead of feeling like a prayer
As they roll off your tongue
Into the always silent air.
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