Five years.
So much can happen
In that amount of time.

Five years ago you left.
Five years ago I thought I'd never see you again.
Five years ago seems a life time away.

Four years ago I found new friends.
Four years ago I didn't know how I'd get through.
Four years ago is so far away.

Three years ago I wasn't sure who my friends were.
Three years ago I saw you again for the first time.
Three years ago is so far gone now.

Two years ago I thought I found a new best friend.
Two years ago you came to live with me for a few weeks.
Two years ago is a distant memory.

One year ago I was shunned by my friends.
One year ago I said a final good-bye, unsure of how long until I would see you again.
One year ago is something I'm holding onto for the years to come.

Four months from now I won't have any friends.
Four months from now you and I, we will be reunited.
Four months from now is a future I'm grasping desperately.

Five years is a long time
To go without a best friend.
To go without my sister.

In a short span of months
We can finally see each other!
We can finally stop saying good-bye.

The next four years
Will be the best!
We won't have to wait and fly thousands of miles just to see each other.

From Prague to Kuala Lumpur
Takes so much time and is so far
We only see each other once a year.

Manhattan to Bronx
Doesn't take so long and is not as far.
Now we can see each other whenever we want!!

Five years.
So much can happen
In that amount of time.

But now,
Now we are together
Once again.

19 years of boring days,
19 years of tears,
19 years of things drastically falling apart and never making any sense,
that is 19 years of trying to figure things out, like my body, and who the heck am I?
19 years of loving any guy who dare speak to me,
and 19 years of heartache figuring out that they didn't love me back,
19 years of dreaming and reading and wondering,
19 years of thinking, about everything really,
About God, and life, and why in the world am I here,
and 19 years of drawing,
19 years of human pain, like that time I had to get surgery for a broken leg,
Then there is a ton of mental and emotional pain, like heart break,
And other ****,
19 years of loving my family and friends for being there in my desperate times of despair,
And 19 years of not realizing that they were there the whole entire time,
19 years of trying to find my unrealistic and perfect Mr. Darcy,
which of course does not exist, well to my knowledge at least,
19 years of crushes on all the wrong guys,
And 19 years of never acknowledging the prime and proper ones who were gonna treat me right,
19 years of having to schoolwork, and now in college its more work then I have ever imagined,
And sometimes I just break down and cry because the stress of it all is depleting me of all my energy and time,
19 years of not knowing how to function around certain people, like at all sometimes,
And 19 years of having some of the greatest friends in the world to go out with on random nights to smoke hookah,
19 years of happy days,
And 19 years of having your heart ripped out of your chest and beaten on the side of the road until it can barely beat anymore,
19 years of having sucky days that make you want to jump off a cliff and **** yourself, or anybody at all really,
Like the first person you wake up in the morning and dares speak to you,
19 years of feeling tired, like every day,
19 years of eating delicious junk food, drinking water, laughing so hard I can't even breath, spilling coffee, talking so fast I forget what I am even saying and slipping up on everything.
19 years of foul plays and just really bad mistakes that you thought were gonna turn out good, but hit you really hard in the face,
So 19 birthdays to celebrate all these crazy and silly happenings that make me wanna go insane,
But I'm not so sure where I be without it all, without

Here now
the pain of love’s bitter reality… surrounds me
But how
can they be better if love always leaves…
every time? (Lost in a fevered dream)
Every time.

But if we lie now, will we make it?
If it hurts, surely I can take it…
Is this really what we both need?

Is someone better who you’re dying to see
or is someone better who you’re trying to be?

Love, now
You’ve poisoned everything in my reprieve…
with insecurities
And now
You’ve returned with doubts, undoubtedly…
You’d love me (was it an opportunity?)
To hate me.

Is there someone better that you’re dying to meet
or are you waiting for someone better than me?
Will I be a better someone for setting you free
or am I someone better that I can’t see?

Someone better… (for the love that you need)
Someone better… (for the love that I seek)

Time and time again, you push me to the brink
To abandon ship and swim before we sink
But these thoughts don’t fade away when I sleep

Isn’t someone better who you’re supposed to be?

Because you were the one fall in love with me

The future is no surprise if you can predictably
say ‘someone better’ is someone I’m gonna meet?
Cause I’m sure as hell that someone better isn’t someone I need
If someone better is who you’re supposed to be.

Is someone better God has yet to create?
Because someone better always seems to escape
“Someone better” - an excuse to abandon and break
When you won’t accept your love’s been a mistake.

© 2015 Neal Emanuelson

All you folks in paper hats,
You think paper's where it's at.
Paper suits and paper ties,
Don't you know that paper lies?
Paper silver, paper gold,
Paper's bought and paper's sold.
Does paper have any worth?
It's just a tree cut from the earth.
Your god is Almighty Paper,
Presidents are your deal makers...

Paper lions, paper hearts,
In the end they're torn apart.
Paper tigers, paper souls,
Punch them and they're full of holes.
Paper masks and paper streamers,
All you are are paper dreamers.

Whatever happened to your returns?
Don't you know that paper burns?
Some CEO's are thieves and liars,
Out there startin' forest fires!
Where's the nest egg of older folk?
Their retirement's up in smoke!
Greed is what we're talkin' here,
And all it is is paper fear.

"Will I keep up? Is mine the best?"
They're just kids in paper vests.
"If you don't leave my paper alone,
I'll just take my paper home..."

Paper boats and paper toys,
For paper girls and paper boys,
Paper backs and paper chase,
'Fraid you'll lose the paper race?
Paper masks and paper schemers,
All you are are paper dreamers.

Deep inside, your spirit screams!
There's no substance to your dreams!
All you are is dust and spit?
H2O and dirt...That's it?
Don't you feel that hole inside?
Put away your paper pride!
What will happen when you die?
When you find it's all a lie?!
You know I'm telling you the truth.
You've wasted your life,
you've lost your youth.
If you've a question, why not ask it?
Just more paper for your basket?
Magazines, newspapers, what's in print?
More paper for the Treasury's mint?

C'mon people! Lets get real!
This is not Let's Make A Deal!!

Door #1, or 2, or 3?!!!

Is that how you deal with ETERNITY?

You'd better be sure you're on the dime,
Cuz eternity's a long, LONG time.

Paper wings? Or paper veils?
Paper heads, or paper tails?

Keep life in a paper cup?
Guess what?

Your time is UP.


SoulSurvivor
Catherine Jarvis
(C) March 8, 2009