Depression hides itself in blankets
It hides in cups of coffee that are seen as “pick me ups”
It hides in between our sweatpants and in between our clothing that gives us a kick of confidence
It hides in our cigarettes that we deem a social act
It hides in between our smiles and our happy voices over the phone.
Or a big enthusiastic wave to someone you haven’t spoken to in while but you can’t chat too long, you’re late for class

It hides in the “how are you”
It hides in our Instagram stories
It hides when they ask “really how are you” and all you can think of telling them is that you’ve progressed and grown and you’re in a much better place because it looks and seems like it and surely you couldn’t be going through the same thing for so long because its been years or months or weeks or days.  
It hides when you tell them you’re finally happy, you finally know yourself

Depression comes out in early hours of the morning.
When you’ve gone through every app on your phone and realized you’ve seen it all already
It comes out when you are trying to fall asleep
It comes out when you have thoughts you feel you shouldn’t have
It comes out when you miss them
It comes out when you don’t know why you’re sitting on your bed and you would actually prefer silence and not to move. But that confirms it.
It comes out when there is no one left to call.


When I say it hides, it really hides away from us and its euphoric and feels like growth when it hides.
But when it finds you it finds the softest and most vulnerable parts and it steals you back. Till it puts itself back on the shelf. For another late night, for another early morning, where no one can say, catch you when I can.

walls
doors
dogs
firemen
dogs
***
fire
blankets
people
singing