The blade feels so right with me
It's like the pain in my heart is making that blade
A home in my hand
My body, or my mind,
I don't know
But something commands it
The edge of the blade strikes me with curiosity
Wondering what all I could do with it
For the first time last night
I cut deeper
I lashed at my skin
And blood burst out of me
Like it was trapped
And glad to be free
Then no matter how hard it was to ignore the urge
To do it again
I put that Blade up in a safe place
Then I starred off into the
Dark empty space
In my room
Hearing the voices in another room
Not thinking about anything
Trying to listen to the loud silence in my mind
Trying not to feel the coldness of my soul
Letting my heart shatter little by little
Every Day
Please don't act like you care
It just isn't fair I just want to be loved
Not thought bad of
If I died today
No one would cry for me
No one would die for me
I can't be happy
Happiness just isn't for me
I'm silently begging
For someone to truly help me
Or that silver blade will cross my wrist
Again and again untell I'm satisfied with the results
I'll be satisfied when I feel
All this useless life
Drain out of me.

I
Am
On a road but
I don't know
Where its going.

I want
to open up to
You but I don't
Trust you.

I long to
****
The demon
In my head.

I need
to stop
Loving you
Because its
Killing me.

All I see
Now is
A black
Heart.

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.

They say that
It was too late
For them;
It was too soon
For me.  

Angels and demons
On both my shoulders.
It's not about what's right,
Or rather what's wrong;
It's about what's left.
Footprints and legacies.
Marks and memories.

They say that
I’m a freedom fighter
But the hypocrisy of democracy
They say that I’m Bruce Lee
Spinning kicks like
I spin sticks
Break bricks with those wrist flicks.

Top tumble
To bottom strike  
I remain humble,
Counting my losses
Punches thrown like
Words on the daily
Mind rumble
Like a busy day
With the bosses.

Dream believers,
Society deceivers.
World changers,
Evil’s dangers.
Life redeemers,
Broken bones,
Conditioned femurs.

Fallen fighter,
Fallen dreams.

Hoi.
Gesneuvelde Vechter.