Please just teach me how to love myself.

sometimes,
you cross my mind.
floating in a gentle path around my thoughts.
building a foundation for your stay in my soul.
loving what i do to you, but never who i am.
when you don't see me, you may adore me.
when we are together, you hold me by the neck and use me.
use me like i am,

yours.

No pain can compare to losing my prettiest prize.
My hands still begging you to let them run down your torso.
I still remember what you taste like, every single drop of your purest essence.
I left my mark on your psyche, and you left yours on my chest.
You made me promises I still want you to fulfill.
I need those feelings you swore that I’d get.
I’m no fool, I’m no quitter.
There’s every part of you that still loves my soft lips and pretty eyes.
Down below my emotional oceanic messy state,
there lies a stupid girl who still wants to feel your body under mine.

So I know I haven't brought this up but,
You broke my heart.
And I know I made mistakes,
And I know I can't expect you to want me in the same way again
But I need you to explain what happened that night.
I know you kissed her, but why did you keep it from me?
I know you're with her, but you never decided to stop being with Me.
What was I for you? A settlement?
It's not the first time you tried to leave, but you told me last time.
I will never be quite enough for you,
All by your own fault, I am afraid.
So you walked her home, and you held her the way you hold me.
You touched your lips to hers just the way I showed you.
I am your maker, you are mine.
I molded you into a boy too perfect for my trauma.
Just right for her. Just right for her humor and her mind.
If it is all a ploy to make me want you,
Then it is working. But it is cruel.
And you are not cruel.
And because you are so genuine and so selfless
I know you really, really love her.
I know it too well,
My one.
You were made just for me,
So I thought you were mine.

guess i was wrong.

I wouldn't hurt so much if you had told me first.
Common decency seems hard to come by these days.
The hardest thing, I think, is having to pretend like every time I hear her name paired with yours,
My heart doesn't implode just a tiny bit further.
'I love you' would be a ***** lie.
I adore you, through and through.
I would hold your hand as you led me through the darkest pits of Hell,
Or maybe just a little too far off the beaten track of the woods.
Catching your eye across the room gives me an empty pain, which has replaced the rushing thrill you gave to me before.
When we talk, you drop the loving notes that used to precede our 'Goodnights'.
You pretend like we never happened.
You pretend like you didn't leave me stranded in the woods.

You pretend you don't love me anymore,
Liar.

Words turned to text turned to twenty minutes of waiting.
If you were asking, you should’ve been clearer.
One word and I would show it all to you.
Now your goodnight wishes have become empty space.
Half-finished conversations haunt me.

I’m sorry I tried to talk.

Passion alludes me further.
On single beds in cold afternoons I bare my half to try again, and again, and again.
The fear and the physicality hold me back each time.
I’m used to it by now,
You’ll leave me once more in the morning.