He tried to put out a fire
that he deliberately set.

How do I tell you
that I need you

your smile,
your laugh,
your arms to hold me tight
when I say I’m not alright,
your words to keep me upright,
even when we stay up so late
we can finally see the sunlight
emerge from the darkness of the night

Your love.
I crave you, yet
I can’t have you
and it ruins me
like poison working it’s way
to my bloodstream.
Your love.
I crave you yet,
I don’t believe you desire me in your life..

But maybe the problem is with me?
Because I will never believe that I could be good enough
for someone
so kind,
so smart,
so mesmerizing.

So who am I
to deserve you?
I’m afraid to
hold you tight,
when you say you’re not alright,
my words won’t keep you upright
even when we stay up so late
we can see the sunlight
emerge from the darkness of the night.

I’m starting to believe
I am the poison
that’s working it’s way to my bloodstream.
My words and thoughts are the ones killing me,
and I don’t want them to ruin you too.

My head is pitch black
I can’t see anything in the back
where every answer lies,
I cannot reach beyond the line
that I’ve created for myself
to keep me out of my own mind
and the dark places that lie beyond the light.

A father figure,
he loved and cared
he cheered and laughed
he smiled and hugged
but now I can’t seem to find him
what was once there now is gone
my heart is empty
aching for love like his.

Everytime I look at you
all I see is innocence
a child
who's never seen
the monster under their bed
and the demon in the mirror
you have the whole world ahead of you
yet
your eyes desperately whisper,
sad tunes and notes
make an invisible appearance,
I feel them
everytime I hold you in my arms
hoping this moment could last longer
but I’m too afraid to say
because I’ve lost myself
in the mirror
staring back at you.

There’s no loving someone equally.
One sacrifices more than the other
one strives for another

but equality between the two has never existed.

We were once friends
had everything
nothing to lose.
Now i’ve lost everything
and him too.

With all my heart,
I hope you know
we were a part of someone’s abstract art
you were blue and I was red
we’ve never crossed the intersection
but now we did
it was a mess
that I can’t address
because I can’t explain with my words
what I truly expected from you
You made my heart warm
you were my blanket in the cold
you were my diary
my pandora’s box
my secrets were yours
and yours were mine
I trusted you with my life
even when you were the one drowning
and I was in the water with you
we were anchored to the bottom
by the people we’ve never forgotten
because they caused us the most pain
you were my band-aid when I was bleeding
you were my water when I was deprived
you were my flashlight in a dark cave
you were a part of me that it seems I’ve never forgave
because you left me
but it seems that I still need you
because you’ve dug yourself deep inside of me
and are sitting in between my skin and bones
and if I try to get you out
I’ll hurt myself more than I have before
because getting rid of you would mean
ripping out a piece me.