I want you here with me
Like how I pictured it
So I don't have to keep imagining
Come on, jump out at me
Come on, bring everything
Is it too much to ask for something great?

Why don't they understand the way we feel?
It's 3 am in the morning and I'm trying to change your mind
Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways
I wouldn't have nothing if I didn't have you
I know we're different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all

When will one of these songs be about me and you

It took a long time
To piece it together
But now I have a
New song in my head

You scream into the void
Please love me
And people answer they do
You thank them
But sink lower,
Because that's not who
You were screaming to

It's all a spiral
And maybe I like it's
Twists and turns

Finally, my Spirit is restored
And my rebellious wild heart
Is beating furiously alive
You can't take me, I'm free

Split in two
It's been this way
For a while
Hasn't it

During theology yesterday
I know You spoke to me
And me personally
I know I want to be just like a saint
But I'm not Catholic.
And Saint is a Catholic term
So I'm just going to be the best image of you I can be
I'll be a Saint in my terms
You are telling me to go out and help
Go and spread the Word and tell everyone about You!
And I know this is true because I get excited every time
I am so pumped for You!
I just want to worship You all day!
I want to go on mission trips and spread the news!
Guess what? Eternal life is a thing! It's for real!
Get pumped! You're going Heaven!

Everyone talks about spring
But not once have we stopped
To smell the flowers

You laid on a towel, eyes glued to a screen
That phone was more interesting than me,
And you missed so much because of it
You missed the ducklings that swam by
Missed the giant pelican that landed on the cypress tree
You missed the way the current changed with the wind
You missed the croaks of the alligators
Missed the sounds of acoustic guitar and James Taylor
You missed the way the sun light hit my hair
You missed my brown eyes trying to find yours
You missed the conversations we could have had
You missed the tiny moments that make a memory
You'll remember a boring day or texting someone else
But I'll remember the birds, the music, the water, the smells
I'll remember the conversations in my head
And I'll remember how you weren't a part of it

The more I look the more I see that people aren't transparent windows,
They are mosaics of glass, stained, like the kind in an old church
Made up of several different pieces glued together to make a whole,
Each piece showing a different color, a different shade of that person,
When looked at closely it looks messy, strange, and sometimes incomplete
But only back up and see the whole person, shards working together
To make a beautiful whole, that when the light shines through,
An array of colors and beauty is cast on everything around it

Road trips with old cars
With ski racks and kayaks
Park and open the sunroof
And we can fall asleep
Gazing up at the stars,
Or at eachother, whichever
Who's up for a long escape?

He's forgiven all my sins
I'm starting fresh
With a new look on things
And I'll prove to Him
He didn't die for me to just sit quiet

You're only shifting in the same old shape you always do

I was proud of myself,
When I shakily took the blade
Away from my wrist
Because I couldn't stand it
If I started cutting again

My eyes squint
As if there is some detail
Some piece of evidence
That I’m missing

I scour photos
I comb through messages
Looking for clues
Looking for a window
A peak into the days before

Baby I 'm never leaving if you keep holding me this way

All the one direction songs
All of these stories
They are, in essence,
What I want the
Story of my life
To sound like

Does something ever strike a chord within you?
A cord that when plucked, just vibrates with intensity
And you sit there, with the steady hum inside you

Maybe I'm not as strong as they say I am
Maybe I'm not as strong as I say I am

He who finds a wife is good and has found favor with the Lord
Find in Hebrew means stumble upon
We shouldn't be searching  desperately for our love
But focus on doing God's works,
And maybe then we will run into our soul mate

It's like when your shoe is wet on a basketball court
You place all this pressure on your shoe and it skids just a little

There is always someone in my subconscious floating around

I gasped out loud laughing, correcting you
But I just realized, you don't see it that way
Maybe you never saw it that way to begin with

I don't want people to think I'm being selfish
I feel like I don't have much left
Almost all of my willpower is gone
I just want to be free I just want to be happy
I just want to stop feeling like I'm dragging a huge thousand pound weight behind me
Even breathing feels weighted
Everything feels heavy and I feel sick
I'm scared I'll always be like this
How could I live if I was?
And do I want to find out?
What is the point?
My hope, my drive, my passion has fizzled out
And all that's left is me
What if it never works out?
What if I'm never free in this world?
The only holding me back for now
Is the thought that people will call me selfish
For taking my own life
And the last thing is want to be remembered by is that word.

My love is like the sun
Sometimes you may not see it
But is always there

The tears never came this easily
And the future has never hurt
More than the past until now
I lay in my bed quite queasily
And the sky has never screamed
This loud

And my friend can’t see it inside me
She only sees the good and the pure
But there’s more I swear I swear
God there’s more. I’m sure.

I just want someone to be a ray of sunshine during these rainy days
And maybe that's supposed to be me

She's athletic, sweet, smart, a charm
I'm not there

What happens when you want to be a superhero
Not just this six year old boys fantasy,
But a real hero, who saves people, helps the world
and has something  *special

Girls are the emotionally hurt ones
They need a tough boy to come in a rescue them
Well let me tell you, boys aren't superheroes
They go home just like girls and cry too
They have emotional problems, and
Underneath the shell of testosterone and cologne
There is a soft underside, easily bruised
But girls think the need superman to save them
They want him to lift them off their feet as they
Fly away into the refuge of love
But the moment he reveals his emotional underside
Girls turn away, and scrutinize him
How dare HE say he has problems!
I AM the one needing saving! I'm the hurt one!
They turn him away like a side dish,
As they are the main course, with all the problems
Well stop being so vain and thinking you need saving
Because guys sometimes need superheroes too...

Operate on me
Cut me open
Find what's wrong
Cut it out of me
And if I die on the table

*Well that's okay too

It all feels surreal
It all feels like it never happened

That's it
I'm surrendering
I'm letting go
Someone better
Catch me

Your heart won’t heal right
If you keep tearing out the sutures

What am I doing

I said I was drowning,
But the truth is, I can swim,
I can swim very well
And I do, I swim like a pro

Take me back to the beach last summer
Take me back before everything
Take me back to myself and happiness
Not this distorted form I experience now
Just please please Take. Me. Back.

There are a hundred reasons telling me not to
But the one telling me I should is so *manipulative

He said he had no idea how I got through it over the years
How I managed not to completely break down
He said it must just be I'm strong, that it must be a talent

I had a deep conversation today
I had a deep conversation today in a hot tub
The steam muffled my voice a bit
But my voice still bounced off the wooden walls
My voice cracked and choked but not because of the chlorine mist
My eyes began too fill with tears hotter than the water I sat floating in
I asked out loud I’m not crazy right?
No my voice quivered in response
I was glad there was no one else in the room to hear it too.
At least I’m a good listener

They say its better to talk to people
Why did God make it so hard
For me to talk to others about this

My eyes sting as they sit glued to the screen of my phone and my thumbs robotically type out this poem

I need something real. Something tangible.

No wonder it's called swing

I have so much love to give
So so much,
That it overflows, and
Escapes through
My eyes

We all sang loudly
Bass was heavy
Speeding to the city