To slip underneath the churning waves outside
In the dark you can look up and not see the surface
Not see how far down you sink, not see the way out
To be underneath it all, to be tossed by the current
To hit the sandy bottom and stare up and see nothing
In the dark, underneath the water it makes no difference if your eyes are open or closed
To be enveloped
To be embraces
To be taken in
To not breathe

Hell

Gasoline, babies, musty AC
Lilacs, earth when it rains
Smoke from a wood burning stove at night,
Memories, all of them claim
They say smell is the most powerful thing
To take you back to a place or a time
And though I have loved all of the above
I know which I want most in my mind
To fall asleep with you on my chest
Your head in the pit of my arm
Legs entangle, arms so heavy
Butterflies in my chest start to swarm
For the most potent smell,
The most wonderful smell
That takes me to a safe place
Is the smell of your breath, your cheeks your lips
The smell of your soft sleeping face
The slow rise and fall of your chest at night
Already my racing thoughts slow
With you on my side and your breath on my face
The warmth in me continues to grow

Silence engulfs my surroundings as I become lost in the numbing screams of my mind. It wanders to places I don't want to go.

What if the most poetic thing I’ll ever write is my own suicide note?