i have dreams. i have a lot of dreams. i have things i want to achieve and goals i've worked my whole life towards. and i've done a pretty okay job of achieving a lot of things i put my mind to and my heart in. but when i'm standing up there on stage i look out into a crowd of strangers. i search for familiarity but i'm met with faces that i don't recognize, hands that come together to clap for me but hearts that are cold. there is no joy when there is no joy shared. there is no success if there is no success shared. i search the crowds and peer down from the mountain but you are not there. i traveled years to reach here but lost my companions on the way. they say it is lonely on the top, they forget to tell you that it is lonelier on the way down. there is no going back.

My medications almost gone
My medications almost gone
Will I go to the store
My medications almost gone

I’m sorry I missed my session
I’m sorry I missed my session
You thought I was dead
I’m sorry I missed my session

I’m sorry I didn’t reschedule
I’m sorry I didn’t reschedule
But my psychiatrist doesn’t know me
I’m sorry I didn’t reschedule

I didn’t do your homework
I didn’t do your homework
No yeah I knew it was due
I didn’t do your homework

I lied so I could leave early
I lied so I could leave early
I messed up your work
I lied so I could leave early

I slept between my classes
I slept between my classes
I put my earbuds in
I slept between my classes

I didn’t talk at dinner
I didn’t talk at dinner
I left y’all feeling awkward
I didn’t talk at dinner

I’m sitting in the library
I’m sitting in the library
I haven’t done a thing
I’m sitting in the library

The tears never came this easily
And the future has never hurt
More than the past until now
I lay in my bed quite queasily
And the sky has never screamed
This loud

And my friend can’t see it inside me
She only sees the good and the pure
But there’s more I swear I swear
God there’s more. I’m sure.

Some songs will never sound the same

I don’t feel like writing
But here I am typing
Pretending that all is grand

I keep on assuming
The flowers are blooming
As I stare at barren land

The words they come sweetly
As I pack my things neatly
And settle into my bed

They’re fast asleep dreaming
While I’m stuck here screaming
And my thoughts are just as dead

This pain in my chest that won’t go away
I tell myself to just take it day by day
I didn’t realize how far I’d gotten this way
Even though it’s not true, it feels like it’ll stay

They say it’s your heart,
But I say it’s not
It’s everything you are,
Yes it’s the whole lot

You're pretty at 120
You’re pretty at 120
exhale
You can lay on your back
You can sit up straight
You can loosen the seatbelt
Inhale