I’ll tongue circles around
the determination
to experience    
intimate attraction.

My poison apple,

addicted.
With just one kiss,
on those
******* perfect
lips.  
X



©rhetoricalcuriosity

10.24.18

I’ve slept terribly these last two weeks
Maybe it’s too much coffee
Maybe it’s poor mental health
Six am nights reflect terrible days
Terrible, terrible, terrible
All this and time continues to pass
When I really just need it to stay
                         STILL
Fall ricochets glimpses of winter
Deafening silence lasting seven months
Bitter, chilled motions
Fleeting hardships harbouring
NO LOST SOULS
FROZEN
              LEFTOVERS
I just want to go home.

You had been the product of many anticipated things
Countless daydreams flowing prose like poetry I’ve never been able to write about anyone else
Musings if you will, of lusted fantasy
Orbiting you like a moth to a flame I couldn’t quite touch

One month and eleven days
Each daybreak reminding me of star crossed lovers personified
Broken hearts and plumes of choreographed chemistry
Satan’s integrity
Blinking down souls of the ******
My studio album titled: Damaged Goods Handle with care, she’s a little fragile.
Pick up right where we left off
Bookmark that moment for later
Somethings amiss
Return to sender
Circle the drain with your epinephrine
Pop a pill and play make believe
Time is running out
Advanced circuitry
Choke me harder
Oh sweet nicotine
You’re a scoundrel
I’m your lovesick Queen

Somberly.
Depression is a creeping song of sadness when you have no reason to be sad.
A nightmare call of eerie, haunting melodies- darkening thoughts creeping.
Excessive slumber, chemical imbalances and a train derailment inside your mind.
Calamity.
Whispering defeat- please give up.
That's what the narrative of negativity your brain tells you everyone wants.
Just give up.
Make them happy.
Nobody really loves you.
Rejoices of forlorn dynasty.
You were never meant to be anything more than this suffering.
When you're depressed you hyperfixate on these scenarios of darkness.
Words you fabricate others must mean about you- for the complexities of self righteous believers dominate your lack of serotonin.
Conjure positive creations out of these overpowering lies- you are nothing- you tell yourself over again.
And I wonder why I embark on this painful dance of disaster with my depressive mind.
Disassociate into sleep-
Don't overeat.
You'll be fine.

That earth shattering silence of winter has returned to us.
Too frigid outside to venture forth.
Bone chilling winds blow, making our bodies quiver.
Finally protected by the warmth of happiness.
I no longer fear winters longevity.
Together we are kept safe within the hallway of tranquility your daughters laughter brings.
Nestled deeply within the quarantine of a self made family.
Strangers once through the varying degrees of different worlds.
Knowingly creating something from time.
My soul layered within yours, within hers, and hers within yours.
Three is my most hopeful number.

Warm evening air tickles my exposed flesh
A person walks by asking me how I am, I respond bleakly- though not reverberating with malice
Dependant is what I would call myself,  though depending on who asks I might be a queen of darkness
Swimming the cesspool captivating minds eye.

Children holding skateboards untouched by nihilistic melodies
Carpe Diem nevertheless since noctem brings the only memories scabbed away midsummer picking the heartbreak off your chest.
Hymns of breath lost kissing a battle with time and isolation.

Familiarity shadowed illusionist mortality
Cradling death of fragility.  
A lone hare hops along the sidewalk and I tell it to stay off the roadway.
The dogs are watching as dusk falls apart once again.
I am but a peddler for your touch.
©rhetoricalcuriosity

I live secret from the divine

I live like some feel in dream when time is forever gentle

Gentle forever is time when I can dream
©rhetoricalcuriosity

Communication

My renunciation
Susceptibility, damage
Feedback induced through operation,
Controlling
Is that how you present gratitude?
I exemplify what’s been demonstrated to me.
Reverence hands over convictions,
Trust.
Reciprocating through leaving.
I propel,
Direct forward,
Jurisdiction.
The flight into atmospheric impression,
Infatuation.
Provoking anxious attachment styles,
Complex childhood trauma.
Lack of interaction.
I purge my wrongdoings,
Request resolve.
I reprise intention for consistent trust,
Enchantment.
You aren’t alone anymore.
Genuine appreciation requires discipline.
Truthful emotion holds no possession.
Flicker of what authentic sentiment,
Entailing.
Including a merge
Unaccounted for in detachment.
©rhetoricalcuriosity

The delicate curvature of your lips
Swirling arousal around my hips
Trailing deliciously intimate kisses
Until you’re enjoying yourself amongst my soft inner thighs;
Warmth trailing by moonlight
We kiss and the night is lost within your deep blue eyes.

The raindrops are falling, masking your tears as you walk out into the rainstorm.
Your clothing is soaked through.
His words ringing out over and over again inside your head.

Too much. Too emotional.
You didn’t know how Gaslighting sounded yet.
You contemplate with thoughts he’s unfaithful as you walk directionless into the storm.
You try to ignore that gut feeling.
He buys you stuff and says he loves you.
He doesn’t have *** with you or touch you.

He won’t notice you’ve left and when you return you’ll pretend your wet face is only because the rain.

“I went for a walk”- you think though you know it won’t even escape your lips.
He never noticed anymore when you’re upset, he focuses his energy elsewhere.
Living inside his cellphone, withholding affection like all your boyfriends had.
Once he caressed your face and told you that he thought you were the most beautiful.

How many times did that line escape his lips with his past partners?
He called you beautiful twice in two years.
“I’ve never loved anyone before, not like this”.
How could you trust again after manipulation so suavely damaging?
Being a sudden caregiver to his child was complicating traumatizing.
You began to shut down and he offered no help.

“What do you expect me to do?”
He can’t ring back motherhood- though you’re just his “live in babysitter” you began to preform parental duties consisting of two parents.
Obliterating your role from caregiver to best friend.
Even though you often abandoned her with me while you were preoccupied with more important stuff than her.
What could have been more important than her?
Oh, right.

I washed everything.
I cleaned every mess.
I patented two children.
One thirty five one the same age of a child I placed for adoption-
You took everything from me.
And then you took the only thing that made me feel whole those years I played housewife.
I mourn the loss of the child I was caregiver to- my ex boyfriends daughter.

And even still- after everything horrible you told people about me.
How insane I was.
How I watched you sleep.
How many times did I wash your clothes.
Trim your fingernails.
Massage your feet.
You ******* coward- a happiness thief (wolf) in sheep’s clothing to blend in with the fragility.

A parcel of conviction.
Sleepless nights wondering if you were out dead- though your **** was messaging the inside of someone else’s ******.
And even still.
You lost everything and I did too.
But I ended up stronger than you.