Sometimes-

I wish I had never
Known romantic love.
I have been chasing a high
No substance can fulfill
Ever since.

No soul dares to acknowledge the existence of demons
Until they find themselves ensnared by one.

A specter that raps upon the recesses of their consciousness
Pleading for admission

Vowing to eradicate the tumult within
Vowing tranquility
Joy
Equilibrium
Fortitude

Elements foreign to its essence
Elements it possesses not the power to bestow.
Its singular ambition is annihilation,

While the vessel must endure the burden
Of the shattered bastions
Of their disintegrating reason.

Until the remnants of despair suffocate their spirit
And consign them to an abyss of beguiling,
interminable shadows,
Where the sole sound
Is the reverberation
Of triumphant laughter

I don’t think they heard me
When I said I’m not okay
No one moved to comfort me
Or light my birthday cake

I don’t think they heard me
When I said “I’m feeling blue”
I was told to “ just cheer up”
“It’s completely up to you”

I don’t think they heard me
My tear-filled wails of pain
Cuz they were soon cut short
By the angry sound
Of my first and middle name

I don’t think they saw me
When i began to disappear
I don’t think they really cared
They said
“Shes never, ever here”

I don’t think they saw me
My withered, cracking shell
“She never eats or sleeps or drinks,
Shes putting us through hell.”

I don’t think they saw me
Standing right before their face
They told me“we’re sick of the lies and
all your tears are fake”

I draw on cigarettes,
Doodle with resin-
Blisters on my fingers,
They all think I'm playin'.
The colors brown & red
Are escaped when I shut my eyes,
And when I turn my face inside
I'm fine with what I see.
It's not dark, pretty light-
It's all clear skies,
Even with a chance of showers
There's always a sunrise.

surrender
your plump lower lip
tenderly
ensnared
between my teeth.

©J.C.