How do I make you understand.
The feelings that I struggle,
These battles, I hesitate.
My words, I don’t annunciate.
You feel my push and pull
And yet I feeling nothing at all.
Unfortunately....
To lie,
But for what reason do I have to cry.
I slam a door
The hell was that for.
One day I’m shy
Tomorrow I’m saying goodbye
Then I beg for your caress
While I scream that I imagine my carcass.
How do I make you understand
That this is how I hesitate
And forever may not be our fate
Because I laugh, then cry
And who wants a mutter nearby
Sometimes I’m sweet like blue sky
But I swear the devil sweats beneath these eye

You are my antidote.
I used to pop you all the time.
Slipped down my little throat,
He hushed me “baby don’t wine.”
Promised me its all fine.
The ground broke,
Shoved under the rug
Like the past fights...
I should have left all those nights.
You’re proper and shy,
That’s why no one believed when I’d cry.
That’s the thing about control
And the feelings you portray.
You tell me how to feel
But what’s real is always pushed away.
I believed you
Because for awhile you were my pill,
But to say goodbye, I didn’t have the will.
You promised the pain would go away
But yet you inflicted all the more today.
And tomorrow and yet another day.
When I take you I feel good.
But when sober I have distant thoughts
I’d stop you if only I could
I really did love you lots.
But blinded by your eyes
I lacked the sense to despise
From the bruises til the blood,
You swore you’d never let him push you to the mud.
But here you are how you let this come to be...
While he beats you til you no longer see.
The mind is a powerful thing
And he controls your every breath
Because he made you become his everything
Almost addicted to him like ****
But out of your control
He makes you a pariah
You no longer have the name Mariah

You say you have nothing in common, but you're more alike than you think. You say opposites attract but you're both negatively charged.
You say that your differences are too great, you've been dwindling since the start.
But mother and father, you're so alike.

Momma yells her heart out in rage and blames everyone for her mistakes. She slams the door shut in my face, when all I've said is "it'll be okay."
Father blared in my ears you aren't good enough. He didn't have to say a word, I could tell from his face. Disappointment. Hatred. Disgust.

Father shuts his door. Mother shuts her door. You're alike.

Father turns away. He's always gone even when he's here. He hides from reality behind his locked door. His presence is no longer needed. I did all the growing up on my own.
Mother pushes people away. Locks her self from the world and tells me to go away. She cries and then laughs and screeches and smiles and cries once more. She blames it on her past, but little does mommy know, the devil named bipolar is corrupting her mind, body and soul.
Neither mommy or daddy will ever know.

Where were you when brother came out gay, and where were you when I was crying on the bathroom floor in pain, and how couldn't you see that your baby got sicker every day.
Mother was never there when we needed her.
And father, you were never there when we needed you.
You're alike.
You were never there when we all needed you the most

****** her with suffering words
surrender the pain
and give breath your strength
swallow the tongue that swears
they shall slick back and stare
slice the heart
for the demon can be unfair
the devil's name is fear