I feel like I'm betraying you
Slighting you
Pressing you
I feel like I am asking you
For more than you can give.

I feel like I've astonished you
Bewildered you
Scared you
I feel like I have pushed you
Farther than you wish to go.

I wish you'd just tell me
How you feel
What you feel
If you feel
I wish you just push me away
Instead of leaving me hanging in despair.

I know you don't mean the silence
Or the emptiness
Or the cold
I know that if you read this
You'll feel guilty and think I'm too bold.

But I'm telling you right now that I can't think much more
On the time we should be spending
On the hearts we should be tending
On this rent we should be mending
Before my heart begins to crack.

The night is young
new
beautiful
silent
joyous

It holds so many opportunities, and just as the flower who only opens her petals when the moonlight embraces them, so I am parallel.

I thrive in the night. It is my time, my hour, my seconds that only I have dominion over as I rise from the petals of my bed and am lit by the candlelight.

The waves of glow bounce off my nightgown slowly, slowly, and the undulating satin reverberates off my long legs as it dances with the faint breeze flowing through my room. I smile weakly.

Moving to the window, I can see for miles- a stretch of green quilting left there by God and his court, the velvet of the stitching vibrant in the light of the pale moon. It is unfinished.

The candle in the sill below me wanes slightly, and I blink. Reaching down, my fingers touch wax and guide it to my lips.

Fire reflects in my eyes the passion I have for such nights, for the silence that is filled with the deafening meekness of night sounds, for the musky, dark scent of my attic bedroom, from the taste of the faint dust lining the air.

I sigh, and smoke infiltrates my nostrils quietly, without invitation but without respite. The light is gone. My fingers quiver as I hold the wax, cold and lifeless now, and I sigh again. Quieter.

The night is brand new. I have only to light but one more match in order to explore it more fully. There is naught I cannot do when I hold in my hand this sheen that will light the recesses of the dark that haunt my room. My life. My eyes. And my fears.

I gaze upon the universe, so vast but yet so small

Thinking is the fuel I use to travel through it all

In a thought I'm in our Sun, a solar flare I ride, so fun

I hum a tune, guess where now? It was "Fly me to the Moon" , oh wow!

I travel now to other worlds, even bluer than our Earth

Look, I see people here, and a mother giving birth

Will her child both love and hate, and will her brother agitate?

Will she worship?  Will she pray?  Will she pledge her life obey?

Is her God, my God, and heaven all the same?

Of Jesus, she has never heard, and God is not his name

Here me now, I know this true, for I'm am dead, yes me, not you!

When she dies, she'll be with me, floating free, as energy!

Amen

I could love you.
If you'd let me.
Let's be real.
I'm just as scared as you are.

You're not ready.
I don't know if I've ever been ready.
Things just happen.
Suddenly something changes.

Different feelings start to seep in.

Let them.
Let me.
Let you.
Love me.
Love you.

I want to

Hold on very much

But I have to go

I'll miss you so much.

We wont be

Keeping in touch

But please dont forget me

As you'll stay right there in my heart.