Roses
They are
Simple
Yet abstract

Black
The colour of death
Of pain
But also of mystery
Yet rare to find a rose
Of such a colour

Red
The colour of love
But the colour of blood
And anger
Oh so common
But what does it mean
That these are in correlation
To one another

White
The colour of peace
The colour of emptiness
Of
Nothing
So
Is peace only reachable
By being empty?

Pink
The colour of playful
Of innocent
Yet also of the weak
What could this mean?

Blue
The colour of calmness
Yet also of sad
So is your sadness calming?
Or is the calming feeling sad?

Let me go
Set me free

I'm tired
Of me
Of others
Of everything

I'm tired of being woken up by yelling
It's damaging my soul
And taking away my sanity

I'm tired of not getting any trust
It makes me feel as if all I do is wrong
And it's making me restrain all that is me

I'm tired of craving touch
All it ever does is remind me of the thing's he's done
And it's stealing my innocence over
And over
Again
And again
Day in and day out

Let me be
Set me free
Stop everything from continuing to
Damage me

Questions here

Questions there

Questions in my head

Questions in my heart

Questions tearing me apart

About john

Then Paxton

Then others

John
Why don't you love me?
Why dont you want me?
Have I ever hurt you?
Am I too much?
Do you like them?
Why do you wanna do stuff with me?
Are you moving on?

Paxton
Will you always love me?
Are you losing feelings?
Why do you talk about others so much now?
Am I too clingy?
Am I too jealous?
Are you lying?
Why are you less honest?

To the others
Did you ever like me?
Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?
Now that I've left am I just a memory?
Do you see me or just my broken?
Am I a person or a scar and a cut?
Why don't you notice?

To myself
Why do you do this?
Why can't I eat?
Why can't I feel?
Why do I switch?
Why do I smile when I cry inside?
Why am I always pretending?
Why do I love so easily?
Whats wrong with me?
Leave me be

Will you leave me like the others?
Thats whats going through my mind

But
I dont want to lose you
Like I lost them

Because you treat me right
You dont just throw me to the side
And give me attention when its convenient for you

You dont want me for my body and you tell me no when I need to hear it
Even if I dont want to

But this all scares me
And today
I let it slip
And I told you the truth
I told you I love you

I didnt want to
Not because I dont want to love you
Because I do
You're a better person than alot

But
Now that I've told you
The urge to push tou away is much stronger
Because what if I get attached again?
What if I become completely infatuated?
But then you leave?

And that thought is scaring me

Leave my heart
You're tearing it apart
And you sit right in the middle
Taking down the walls
One for every two I build

Leave my thoughts
Because you occupy every one
And if you stay I'm gonna hurt someone
But I think I already have

Leave me please
Because I can't bear my feelings
But even if you do I might not be able to

I don't want you to go
But you hurt me

I don't want you to go
But you use me

I don't want you to go
But this is unhealthy

So as much as I love you

Please just leave me

And don't return
When you miss me

I love you
Yeah
I said it
And I know I've said it before
But I no longer say it to you
Because
You aren't sure you want to be more than a thing
Ever
So I'll just keep it in my head

Everytime I text you I feel my heart constrict
I love you
And loving you hurts me

But
I'm going to fight
For you
And I'm not giving up
Not until you find someone else

I wanna see every smile that crosses your face
I wanna hear every laugh that passes your lips
I wanna help with every tear
Every sad thought that passes your way

I want to make you happy
But I'm not sure I'll be the one to do that

But I won't give up
Not yet

You set me free but at the same time I hold back

Every time I see you smile I wanna say I love you
Everytime I make you laugh I wanna say I love you
Everytime you frown I wanna say I love you
Everytime I look into your eyes that hold all the emotions I wanna understand
I wanna whisper I love you

But I can't say it out loud
So I'll say it silently

I'll say it to myself before I fall asleep
I'll say it to myself when I wake up
I'll say it to myself on those lonely nights when I stare up at the moon
Wishing you could hear me
And maybe say it back

But for now
I'll wait

You hurt me
But I love you
So I'll fight

Your name to me is dad
Or father
But thats not how it feels in reality

I dont want to call you that
And it physically hurts me to
Because of all you've put me though

My pain stems from you
My tears stem from you
My heartbreaks stem from you

Every broken part of me is because of you

You touched me one night
And stole my innocence

You hit me one time
And stole my confidence

You shame me for the friends i make
Just because of race
Or maybe because they arent strong
Arent smart
They aren't good enough to you

And by doing that you make me afraid to hang out with them
Because if i do
Im afraid

Im afriad you'll hate on them
Or maybe ryu will

Im afraid you'll call me stupid
Or *******
Or any other thing
Just because they dont fit your standards

You make me afriad
Not of others
But of you
And i have a good reason to be

So no
You are no longer father
You are no longer my dad

You are no longer my family
You're just a name in the wind