I hate that word
sounds like a disease
its completely blurred

oh just please
stop saying it
to be the crowd
when theres people who slit
their wrists

they scream loud
for anyone to listen
during the pain

they think hope is fiction
it winds through their brain
until they die
with a smile

and because of your lie
those bodies pile

I know you cant see me
im nothing to you
I just wish you could be
for once something true
do you have to lie
even to the ones you love
will you even try
to be something proud of?

Its always there
when you're down
will never glare
at your frown

It wont judge you
on how you dress
like those who
It won't impress

Sheathes your face
filled with tears
hides the disgrace
in the mirror

Black takes the pain
keeps me sane

Stay in bed
give up on life
shower in dread
never thrive
keep a frown
roll your eyes
and always drown
in your cries

Or you could live
find a smile
forget the sin
swallow the bile
look at the best
instead of the worst
know your blessed
to outlive this curse

little girl so naive
falls for the traps
she can never leave
must always relapse

falls for the boy
becomes his toy
and never knows
he leaves tomorrow

she waits for him
under the stars
her eyes dim
an unhealed scar

sharp fangs
razor claws
heavy paws
on dirt plains
painted scowl
so much zest
yet loneliness
is in that howl

I hate this writing
but the emotions keep biting
slashing away
that razor blade
the words are inviting
almost not worth fighting
a warm hug
nice and snug
but I know if I keep trying
I'll still be crying
that poetry will barely ease
Those feelings that seize

You start with the cheek
warm against the cold
the embrace leaves me weak
and your hand I take hold
but the passion grows stronger
as you move in near
please linger longer
can't conquer my fear
but those lips they caress
gingerly against my own
the first is a mess
but the craving has grown
until I phene
on the taste of your nicotine

You deserved my wrath
a brick to the face
to choke on your disgrace
when you crossed my path

I crave to see your blood
gushing out of your eyes
and your mouth of lies
then drying to mud

I need to hear your heart stop
with you begging for mercy
through tears of blurry
as I twist you into knots

but I didn't stoop that low
no pools of red
just rage instead

I shouldn't have let you go

You'll never see
I am a whisper
inside a crowd
I am a drifter
in a sky of clouds
I am one word
in a poem
I am blurred
you'll never know him
invisible
unpredictable
You'll never know me

I've been branded new
painted blue
fallen through

because of you

Tears that drown
permenant frown
sobbing sound

I"m a letdown.

This fear is keeping me alive
and I hate it
I want one slice
so much I crave it

choking on my tears
has only made it worse
blacking out on beer
will not stop this curse

but as I stare
at the blade
I realize I care

I truly am insane

Ive made a friend
watched them leave
made amends
and was still deceived

I still come crawling
Remembering the past
I'm panicking, bawling
Why can't this last?

You make me smile
in your light arms of laughter
you stay for awhile
even hours after

no escape
heart's race
pounding pace
then slowly fades
just go away
no escape

Words caught
in a knot
when we talk
pausing stutters
deafening mutters
of scratchy chalk
Im afraid
you won't stay
when i'm in
in a trance
from just one glance
cannot look away

I was on top
before rock bottom's
huge drop
of reality knocked some
sense int my skull.
I was too naive
to understand the whole
landscaped scene
before my eyes.
I was ungrateful
and rolled the dice
with the devil's
fiery path.
Dont look into
its pits of wrath
or he'll get you too...

feet flying fast
yet barely touching the ground

small silent strides
that make no sound

wind whipping wildly
through my mane of hair

time ticking tandem
slowing this moment everywhere

Grab my hand
i'll take you to my wonderland
where tears are left unshed
and dreams do not play dead

Maybe we'll go on
a spring leaf fawn
warm nights drunken dreary
waiting for dreams nice and clearly

Or maybe we'll argue all night
splurged by my own fright
thunder clouds of disaster
claiming their rightful master...

Love is a lie
it is a flame
that must be tamed
it is pain
like acid rain
it is strong  
then feels wrong
it is gone
before next dawn
so I don't try

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

The one in the mirror
who is exhausted and deprived
needs to evade fear
and live out life alive.

The shift was just so little
at first you could barely notice
now she is just a riddle
thrown into the infinite abyss

I bump into her everyday
when I'm once again in the backseat
and cannot, must look away
from the old memories bittersweet.

The brown eyed girl
believed she was nothing but a defect
but I believe she just hasn't begun to unfurl
her own set of silver wings yet

heart of sunshine
laughter of wind chime

she is beautiful
brown eyes so full and bright
her smile that will never dull
has showered everyone in her light

full of brains
no refrain

one day she won't need me to sew her wings
and she'll fly to history
leave a burn if anything
hand in hand with me.

I cannot lie.

I think of you
before I fall asleep
where in my mind you still creep
I think of you
where the happiest moments lay
underneath warm afternoon rays
I think of you
even through the sea of bottles,
a facade on full throttle
I think of you
when I try to restore
and move on with the boy next door

and I can only cry.

You just want to ****
my spirit for the thrill
of the game
and the adrenaline in your veins

You don't care about the thoughts
racing through my mind
or the wars fought
to keep my heart off the grind

The whispers over my shoulder
have made me older
when I'm still too young
to have winded lungs

Yet I'm choking, can't breathe
as I stare at the storm before
my eyes, every word hung in seethe,
For how could one already be so **** sore?

I know who I am
you say I should care
but really I don't give a ****
about the clothes I wear

Forcing glitter upon my body
will not change my self esteem
or even make me the hottie
that you so childishly dream

You made me this way
by your harsh-spitting words
until what little I grasp decays
into one of my baggy t-shirts

I can't go back
to the world I used to know
where no one would ever attack
the way I've grown

I swear I know who I am.

The grip in my hands will soon loose
and I'll fall into a quiet preferred
because after thought the path I'll choose
will be the way of a coward.

I'm tired of wasting lonely nights
with a bottle by my side
letting the sorrows of past's frights
play throughout my mind.

The tears have never stopped
whether it's inside or for the eyes
and putting on a brave faced opt  
would just unbury old lies

I'm tired and I'm over
the dragging on depression
you put me here without sober
into your lashing out aggression.

Their will be no regret
when I finally let go
of what little is left
of my life tomorrow.

Tough love is the
ropes that are twisting
around my middle and
getting tighter
the more I
resist
snaking up my arms and
legs until I lose balance
and fall hard
on my face
so hard that everything's
laced in
mist
it curls around my neck
cutting off any hope
for air or even
one last
scream
that might alert
the eyes from the
shadows, but they just
stare in wicked amusement
as the ropes
break the
seam
of my skin making
the blood pour rapidly
off of red flesh
and onto the
black tiles
of the
floor

The time has been
short but the days
drag on like years.
The past is sin
but still it stays
in our worst fears.
Collapsing in the shadows,
is the bridge you
and I built together.
Even over years close,
its stayed strongly through
all worse and better.

Until a month ago.

The gap of patience
waiting for you again
to ascend has grown
deeper and wider so
it tears all sense,
no place to defend,
Until my heart's sound
fades away in the wind.
A soft and lonely cadence.

I would sacrifice
anything without question
for you.

Gouge out my eyes,
let the blood overflow with discretion
until my face is crayon blue.

Fall into the sea of your passion,
so cold yet deadly
and let the waters drown out my soul.

Or even dash in
to stop a raining bullet's medley,
with a smile as I stare lastly at it's gaping hole.

And why
would I shove
you out of death's grasp like I do?

I
Love
You.

Hands are shaking
knees are quaking,
no way to stop the addictive
flow from inside my veins.
Though never the way I'd predicted,
quitting is the toughest strain.
But the pull is hard to fight,
like a thousand piercing knives,
slicing until I find the light.
No matter what I must overcome the trance
or I'll just be performing the same old dance.

Fury
blurry
can't see a thing.
Heated
defeated
a deadly ring.
Crying
lying
the rage must come out.
Broken
unspoken
we should not whisper about.
Maybe tomorrow we can talk,
but not today.
right now I must take a walk
down to the depths where the demons play.

Sometimes I just want to die.
At first it was just something small
but now it's grown so humongously tall.
I'm inching towards the edge about to fall.

I can't believe I thought it was a lie
when he talked about her from time to time.
I would empty myself of every dime
just for him to just stop his talking crime.

Is it wrong for me to cry?
The only person I had ever learned to love
has flown away to the above,
the good old morning dove.

but now I can only sigh
it really is my fault
I lock everyone I like into an inaccessible vault
throw away the key,
don't let anyone near me,
thinking I've found the perfect remedy.

But now with him gone, I'm nowhere even near grazing the sky.

urges
why we lay and watch our ****
no matter our friend's face of scorn
again
the reason we shoot up drugs,
hiding our standards under the kitchen rug
must
we slice and gouge into our skin
hoping to forget our scarring sin
need
chugging pints of beer and wine
wishing for a life divine
more
the girl in the clouds will constantly starve
just so others can want her slim carve
want
a person will harass and bully
the quiet kid without knowing them fully
stop
after all of the hurt and pain
there is no reason to go insane

There is a place that I like to go
where all of my problems are slower than slow.
And there the voices of all of the birds
come together in sing~songy herds.

My friends have all gone
at the break of dawn,
but I am happy
to not be the least bit sappy

When the sky bleeds into the iridescent water at night,
I am not afraid, not the littlest fright.
For I know tomorrow the light,
will shine and the darkness it will fight

Everything is joyous except for the moon,
for it is lonely and I am too.
But why would I give up all I have
for a little taste of the friendship path?

His eyes were the rainbow sunset
Smile was the source of all my laughter
I know he would never let,
me fall and brittly shatter.

His laugh is the music
a choppy chuckling beat
though to others it may sound tragic,
to me this escape is elite

His smallest touch sets my skin to fire
a roaring soaring blaze,
I would be a liar
if I said it was just a faze

But here I am as I open my eyes,
it was all just a dream
for no matter how high I rise
His eyes will never share my gleam.

Talk, Talk
words of chalk
making fun of her limping walk
their sneering and snide smiles
staying with her for miles.

Sad, Sad
she wasn't glad
that everyone was mad
at the empty hole
inside her soul.

Chide, Chide
she was denied
so much she cried
no one ever dared
to show her any care.

****, ****
she lay there still
heart nothing but frill
hoping and praying
someone could stop her decaying.

Liar, Liar
her life was so terrible and so dire
she walked straight into a fire
and let the pain
make her sane.

End, End
All of the bullies and all of their friends
in the end could not mend
the girl they had torn down
for now her place was in the ground