It's the source of all my tears,
It's the sum of all my fears,
It's the knife that's chipped away at me
for far too many years.

It's the tingle on my skin,
It's the empty loss within,
It's the wave of stark confusion,
as my time is running thin.

It's my panic in the crowd,
It's the silent and the loud,
It's the end of my solemn dignity,
and the freedom it allowed.

It's a growing cloud of noise,
It's coming from the girls and the boys,
It rips through me like whirlwind,
and does not give back what it destroys.

*** Da Da Dum
Load up all those guns boys,
the enemy is coming.

*** Da Da Dum
We'll mow 'em down now one by one,
send those ******* running.

*** Da Da Dum
March day or night in rain or calm,
through the grass and mud.

*** Da Da Dum
Smoke them out wherever they are,
make the streets run red with blood.

*** Da Da Dum
We stand outnumbered two to one,
but we won't give up the zone.

*** Da Da Dum
We knew when we signed up for this,
we probably wouldn't make it home.

I'm ******* in a submission hold,
my muscles feel the sting.
I'm straining from the agony,
and there's a blood spot in the ring.

If only I had thrown an elbow,
or better timed a kick.
Maybe a brutal roundhouse,
that I could pull off sharp and quick.

Yes, if this had gone differently,
I wouldn't be stuck here flat,
as the timer ticks on endlessly,
and I'm ground into the mat.

I'm as proud a fighter as they come,
this war has been heartfelt.
I could have given up three rounds ago,
but I really want that belt.

I grunt and groan and wrestle,
but my opponent doesn't sway.
Perhaps it's best I just tap out,
and fight another day.

It cuts me repeatedly, tears me in two.
Rips at my spirit and slices straight through.
Now I lay in pieces and know not what to do,
As my lifeblood escapes me and my skin turns to blue.

I know that you hate it but the choice has been made,
Vent your anger at me and not the sharp of the blade.
You are right to be furious and to feel betrayed,
but I just couldn’t go on with this cold life’s charade.

They're here
and there
and everywhere.

Their eyes stare
daggers into me.
They fly around me,
ready to swarm at any moment.

They will not leave me alone.
It has to come to this.
Who will be the one
to fly away first?

They're just out in the yard,
They won't go out of sight.
There's nothing to worry about,
The kids are alright.

Sometimes they get bullied,
or beat up in a fight.
But it's part of getting older,
and the kids are alright.

So what if they're lonely,
or cry out in the night?
Believe me when I tell you,
the kids are alright.

Nothing bad is going to happen,
though you think it might.
Just trust me on this:
The kids are alright.

I feel the fire against my skin,
the embers dance against the ashes.
Brilliant pyres of light stream down,
In eruptive, blazing flashes.

The heat wraps me up, so intense,
in the middle of this furnace.
I feel a strong and primal fury,
thrashing at my epidermis.

You may call me an unstable fool,
but there are secrets I have learned.
That's why I'm here, amidst the flames,
with no fear of being burned.

She tempts me.
Teasing me from a distance
with eyes as beautiful
as the glow of a diamond.

She beckons me,
Begging me to come closer
With lips as red as roses
in a spring garden.

But it is not to be.

Rather than enjoy the splendor
of the one I want.
I instead endure the madness,
of the one I cannot escape.

Reality, it seems
is a harsh mistress.

Nothing's amiss,
I just want a kiss,
but perhaps life just
can't be as simple as this.

Got in a fight,
In the deep of the night,
and messed up my sense
of wrong and of right.

And so I will go,
on to what, I don't know.
My road ahead? Treacherous.
The journey is slow.

Fabulously decadent.
Amazing and powerful.
Incredibly tantalizing.
Lovely and enticing.
Unreal beauty and grace.
Ravishing, like a brilliant rose.
Endearingly joyful.

Young man, look at my life.
Was it worth the pain and strife?
Jagged like a rusty knife,
That's been left out in the cold.

Went in search of paradise,
Saw my dreams in front of my eyes.
But as the days and years rolled by,
I put them all on hold.

Walked the road that most men walk,
Settled down and punched the clock,
Now, I'm grey and taking stock
of everything I lost.

Trust me son, you don't want this,
faded dreams and a bucket list,
A life spent far away from bliss,
with all the pain it brought.

Off the cliff.
Into the open.
Spread your wings.
Let the wind guide you.
Feel the embrace of the sky.
The horizon is the only limit.

I gave you flowers
and jewelry.
I gave you clothes
and new shoes.
I gave you perfume,
and lipstick.
I gave you love
and affection.
I only wanted one thing
in return.

But then
In a moment of loneliness
it dawned on me.

How can you give me
that which you never had?

I cannot find the right adjective.
The best of nouns elude me.
Suddenly, a narrow verb enters my mind.
But what to pair it with?

Articles and pages,
Expansions and contractions.
Pieces and fragments.

The grammar isn't working.
I'm not enamored by such an object.
Nervous, I am, and tense
I've built a prison with these words.

I couldn't pay the rent,
I couldn't save a cent,
I couldn't put a dent,
in my loans.

The paint on the walls is peeling,
The water's leaking through my ceiling,
The family and the pets are reeling,
here at home.

I don't enjoy my time at work.
I don't like my boss much, he's a ****.
I don't like to sit here, being irked,
As it may go.

I'm dealing with these ills,
A society that kills.
Will I ever make these bills?
I just don't know.

There's a place
I like to go.
Where I can be free
and let it show.
My piece of heaven,
My calm plateau.
Where the sunshine beats
a steady glow.

Now life has gone
and closed the door.
Pulled me from that
wondrous shore.
Thrown me into
an endless war.
and that place I like,
is mine no more.

"Nerd!"
"Loser!"
"You ****!"
"Go **** yourself!"

I hear the taunts.
I hear the laughter.
I hear the snickering.

They shove me.
They slap me.
They spit on me.
They chase me everywhere.

I am a ticking time bomb.

And someday
before too long
When they least expect it...
I will go off.

It may be brutal,
It may be ******,
It may be vicious.

But it's the only way
I can save myself.

There are no other options.

I find my place
With the fear you will not forgive
the harms I caused you
I will always regret that night
fatigued and consumed
my eternal sentence
will pass down
the great judge
traps me in this prison
the deep of my loneliness
There are you are.

There are voices, voices in my head,
When all I want is calm instead,
To be free from fear and cold and dread,
So I can find the rest that waits ahead.

There are voices, voices in my mind,
but I know not what they seek to find.
They just fight and tear and rip and grind,
and leave the real me behind.

There are voices, voices in my heart,
And this is what they now impart:
"In beauty, drama, dance and art,
that is where the healing starts."

It is what it is,
tell the parents,
tell the kids.
A little bit of take
and a little bit of give.

It is what it is.
It's how we die.
It's how we live.
We keep up on the score,
We keep our spirit off the skids.

Got to take care of the biz,
Some is mine,
Some is his,
And all that's left to say
is that it is what it is.

The sunshine is all around you.
Birds are flying by and singing.
Kids are laughing and playing.
An old man fishes at the rivers edge.

A girl is over there smiling,
in a way she hasn't in a while.
The dogs are enjoying the warm afternoon.
An ice cream truck chimes nearby.

But you don't see any of it.
Because you're caught
in the siren call
of that white, flickering screen.

Shame.

We cannot move.
We cannot cry.
We cannot love.
We cannot lie.

We cannot heal.
We cannot fear.
We cannot dream.
We cannot cheer.

We cannot laugh.
We cannot cope.
We cannot thrive.
We cannot hope.

We can only stay frozen.
Until someone sets us free.

Ragged clothes upon my back,
A knife that tore my flesh.
Tossed against the wicked walls,
Bound and beat and threshed.

My body ached with constant pain.
My soul was incomplete.
But with everything that I could muster,
I rose up to my feet.

The journey wasn't easy.
A dangerous, drifting track.
Fighting against the rising tide,
I somehow made it back.

I don't take anything for granted.
I fight hard for all I've earned.
I know what it is to walk through fire
and come out a little burned.

Silently tracking, I've come here to listen.
That is my duty,  That is my mission.
Truth be told, I'm surprised to be in this position,
but I play the cards I get dealt, so I've made my decision.

People, they talk and they shout and they chatter.
When often they need to ask: "Hey now, what's the matter?"
Maybe if we can shut down the noise and the clatter,
We can get to the heart of a soul that's been shattered.

So keep your lips sealed and speak with your ears,
That's how we beat the frustration and fears.
Just listen and see what fresh movement appears,
When your heartbeat is stronger and your mind finally clears.

Wait for me.
Just wait for me.
I may be a while.
I may not be what you expect.
I may not be strong.
I may not be ready.
But I'll be there.
So please...
Wait for me.

The day my world broke in two,
There was a fateful shift.
I thought I stood on solid ground,
only to be thrown off that cliff.

"No, no! This just isn't right!"
I cried out and screamed in vain,
but there was no time for a last repeal,
and no healing for the pain.

So there I am, cast off, adrift,
In an endless, raging sea.
I don't know how to face these things,
that just weren't meant to be.

On a greyish day
as I stare up at the clouds
I wonder who else is staring up
and if they are thinking
the same things I am.

A love from long, long ago.
A yummy recipe I want to try soon.
The fun of swimming in a cool lake
on a hot day.
A nagging pain in my knee.
The laundry I still haven't done
Family and friends
who are no longer with us.

Or maybe
All they see is clouds.

New Year,
New fears.
New sorrow,
New tears.

New hurt,
New pain,
New clouds,
New rain.

New madness,
New fight,
New chaos,
New night.

Same me.

I got all the joysticks,
I get lost in my levels.
I am the master of fantasy,
of angels and devils.

I own every button,
I own every technique,
I own every combo, side quest,
and streak.

I could go sixty hours,
and still want some more.
My soul won't be fed
until I hit that high score.

When they question my madness,
I've only one to thing say:
"I am a gamer...
...and I came to play."

There was a place,
A calm disgrace.
Soft betrayal of time
and space.

There was a spot,
I mattered not
in your ever
twisting plot.

There was a time,
before the crime,
When your spirit
walked the thinnest line.

There was a year,
a solemn tear.
Held hostage in
the grip of fear.

Should / Shouldn't
Could / Couldn't
Would/ Wouldn't

Win / Lose
Over / Through
Me / You

It was supposed to be simple.

I begged and begged, but you would not do it.
I screamed with a voice so loud,
it pierced the deep of the night,
but you did not relent.

I hung over that precipice, legs dangling above the abyss.
Wishing and praying,
That you would just let me fall,
That you would go ahead and end it.

Still, your grip tightened.

I looked in your eyes, you looked in mine.
All I wanted was freedom.
All I wanted was my destiny.
All I wanted...was for you to release the chains.

You never did. And now we'll both pay a price
neither of us should ever have had to.

I'm a little short, I must report,
but spare me your puns
and witty retorts.

I may not be a giant, but I'm self reliant.
and in the face of all those barbs?
Defiant.

There's less of me, for the eye to see,
though inside I'm as big
as big can be.

So the silly folks may crack their jokes
but I've got it where
it matters most.

The measuring tape, I can't escape.
Everything else, as it goes,
is mine to shape.

I'm just hanging on this Christmas tree,
Silent and rather dutifully.
Amazed at all the things I see,
In the bustle of December.

I've got some multi-colored friends,
and just enough warm tinsel ends.
I hope each year, that Santa sends
A Christmas to remember,

I don't mess with candy canes,
I just stay the path and keep my lane.
I'm kind of shiny and kind of plain,
so cut me a little slack.

Soon enough, the laughter's done,
The unwrapping's over, the songs are sung.
The turkey eaten, the moments won,
And to my cardboard home, I'm back.

Two thousand dollars and thirty three cents.
Is that what I am to you?
Is that what I meant?

An outstanding deal for a reasonable price.
You wanted your cut.
You wanted your slice.

"You'll be happy pal, she's a hell of a bargain"
You don't love me at all,
Not by any sane margin.

Robbed of my dignity, confined to a cell.
Just so you'll make the sale,
and I'll rot in hell.

The moon says hello in the deep of the night.
It's there.
It's vibrant.
It's potent.
It's bright.

See him blast past the curtain of stars.
Past Venus,
Past Earth,
and out far
beyond Mars.

Wish him well, there he goes, fifty light years away.
Somewhere
out there,
is a place
he can stay.

These are the nights of our lives,
Where we laugh and we smile and thrive.
And in moments like this,
That we seal with a kiss,
I love the warm shine of your eyes.

These are the minutes without warning,
When the clock rolls past 2 in the morning.
The good music starts playing,
All the people are swaying.
And the party, it really gets roaring.

These are the best of the hours,
With their wild and mysterious powers.
It’s always so pretty,
To look out on the city,
From our perch at the top of the tower.

These are the greatest of nights,
When we’re lifted to dizzying heights.
It’s just you and me,
Unburdened and free,
As we’re bathed in the glow of the lights.

These are the best of our days,
We are joyful in so many ways.
Anything’s within reach,
As we sit by the beach.
And listen to the crash of the waves.

These are the things that remain,
When we unload the fear and the pain.
Forget what has been,
And if storm clouds roll in,
We’ll run out and dance in the rain.

We wish you a Merry Christmas,
but you're not going to care.
Even if waves of beautiful snow,
are flying through the air.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
not really quite your thing.
You're not a festive type of person,
and you don't do caroling.

Silent night, Holy night.
Your house is quiet and dark.
Completely devoid of warmth or light,
Empty and quite stark.

Do you hear what I hear?
Does it ever touch your heart?
Are you content to spend the holidays,
alone and set apart?

I'll have a blue Christmas without you,
but I guess that's what you want.
12/25 all by yourself,
and a New Year just as gaunt.

I'm a good man, I'm just in a bad place
I have a heart for justice, for duty, for grace.

I was raised well and lived in a comforting space.
Taught good defeats evil in the duel of the fates.

As I grew up I found broken hearts, dire straits,
and a large group of people with tears down their face.

I feel as though everything I knew is slowly erased,
and I'm nothing but destined to lose in this race.

So I shall accept my new spot right outside of the gates,
in realization of my rough, new found state.

I'm just small drop of white in an ocean of grays,
I'm a good man, but I'm in a bad place.

Shadows, shadows,
Be my comfort.
Wrap me in
This lonely sleep.
In the coolness of your silence,
In the ocean of your deep.

Shadows, shadows,
I stay weeping,
For that place I cannot go.
And in the night,
I'm gently keeping,
Hold of what, I cannot know.

There's only static on the line,
No one can hear me speak.
My headphone jack just gave it up,
and my battery is weak.

I try to hop on social media,
Even if the app is freezing.
I want to share my latest selfie,
and do all that people pleasing.

I've got a great idea,
For a funny viral prank,
but I can't do much about it,
'cause my camera screen is blank.

I did a software update,
that erased half my conversations.
For a connected person like myself,
That means some huge frustrations.

This thing is looking worn down,
my plastic case is cracked.
Looks like my luck has run its course,
The display just went to black.

I could always buy a newer model,
and gain the status it denotes,
but perhaps instead, I'll walk outside,
to see the world up close...

He's hiding in the details,
Just to offer me a deal.
Everything I ever wanted,
as he awaits my soul to steal.

I see him watching me there,
in the corner of my eyes.
He's slick and cruel and twisted,
a veritable master of disguise.

I won't play his advocate,
I don't want to be his own,
I just want that pesky, awful beast,
to leave me the hell alone.

He won't get my idle hands,
I won't join him to dine.
It's not gonna work, that SOB,
Not on me this time!

Out with the old, in with the new,
This is the work that we do do do.

Clean up the mess, bring out the best,
This is as good as it gets gets gets.

Clear all the debris that your eye can see,
break it loose, let it go, set it free, free, free.

Working so hard, a bit hurt, a bit scarred,
Trudge through the mud in the yard, yard, yard.

In the west, see the sun. The long shift about done,
Pack it in boys, the day is won, won, won!

You lost me at "I love you",
and that seems so very strange
You lost everything you could have had,
The day you made that change.

You lost me at "I love you",
and I'd already bought the flowers,
Thinking of your pretty smile,
for what seemed hours upon hours.

You lost me at "I love you",
What a fateful night it was.
When I learned of hollow heartbreak,
and the awful things it does.

I saw you with the other man,
and was hurt to great degree.
You lost me at "I love you",
Because it wasn't said to me.

It's not in her touch,
It's not in her grace.
It's not in the soft
of the skin on her face.

It's not in her smile,
It's not in her teeth,
It's not in the spirit,
that rests underneath.

It's not in her laughter,
It's not in her warm guise.
It's not where you think...

but it's there...

...in her eyes.

What is this shell that's left of me?
This bundle of brittle bones.

Cold. Dry. Lifeless.

There was a time they moved.
They laughed. They cried.

All of that is over now.

There are no gentle touches,
There are no flowing tears,
There are no joyful smiles.

What little of this soul remains
is drifting away
into an endless sea of white...

I am the best and the worst,
as much as I'm blessed I've been cursed.

I am the dark and the light,
as I shine I scream out in the night.

I am the beginning and end,
as I break through the wall and transcend.

I am the birth and the death,
as I feel the chill in my breath.

I thought this thing was finished.
I thought it was over.
But yet, here I am.
Dangling on the edge of a cliff.
Staring at the torturous ground below.
Wondering if rescue is coming,
Or if I am doomed to plummet
angrily to the murky depths.

I rarely get pulled over.
I don't often get strange looks.
If a police officer sees me,
They pass right by.

I go about my day without worry
over what problems my skin
may cause me this time around.

As I live my life,
I occasionally hang my head
as I think about those
Who can never live as freely as I do.

And in that moment
I am cursed with a thousand questions
For which I fear there is no good answer.

Here I am alone in my room.
Nestled with the dark and the gloom.
A thick blanket of night,
With a layer of fright,
And a prayer that the end's coming soon.

Here I am alone in this place,
Mind adrift in the vastness of space.
A ghost without form,
Tossed about in the storm,
As a lone teardrop streams down my face.

Here I am alone in this spot,
Panicked and shaking, nerves fraught.
Courage? I've none.
This old spirit is done.
For this is the pain that I've wrought.