It's amazing
The ability to turn a setback
Into something funny
Into something beautiful
Into something to smile about
To turn it upside down
And let it bring happiness
Instead of sadness
Apparently, it's true
Life's what you make out of it

Lately these conversations
Have become more in my head
Rather than out of my mouth

Maybe it's me learning self control
Not to talk back at you
For your hurtful words and actions

Maybe it's me tackling compulsion
Not to reach out to you
Everytime I see you in my contacts

Maybe it's me learning not to act
On my impulsive impulses
Not to say just anything in my mind

Maybe it's me learning to deal
With my issues and my problems
Instead of letting them out there
Or going out to seek validation

They say to think before acting
Or is it talking before acting?
Probably both

I long for those days
When you'd call three days later
And say "You have been silent"
Which was code for "I've missed you"
Because in those days
Three days was considered too long

It's 3am and you are up. Not just up but seated, playing. And you are smiling with your eyes wide open. Not to me, you already know that I'm in no smiling mood. To be precise, I'm teary and grumpy.

It has been several tries and I've given up. Several of those moments where  you begin crying once your body hits the mattress. I don't know how you do it, seconds ago you were sound asleep in my arms.

I've managed an hour or two of sleep. That was after three hours of those episodes. The ones with ten or twenty minutes intervals, between my achievement of putting you to sleep and something else deciding you should wake up. It's not your fault, you can't control anything anyway.

Soon you'll be yawning and dozing off. And of course crying to be put to sleep. Then we'll start again. That is, until the **** decides that it's 3am and he needs to do his job. And his brothers need to crow too. Before I know it, it'll be daylight, and grandma will always be there to accuse mama of oversleeping