I do not remember the first moment we met
Or the moment after
I do not remember the first time we locked eyes
Or smiled at each other
I donot remember when we started walking together or
Having lunch together
I do not remember the first time you called me unannounced
Or the time we started sitting next to each other
I do not remember the firsts
But I remember all the in between
Memories of your smiling face
Warm hands
Small eyes
Each any every moment in between
Each feeling
Of utter and unconditional happiness
I remember you
And hope
Maybe you do to

What is contentment.
How do you know you are there
Where nothing matters of today tomorrow and yesterday
When everything is falling apart yet you stand firm
What is in your heart
What gives you that calm
What tells you stop worrying and breath  in the air
How do you smile through the pain
How do you function with your mind overburdened
How do you move with all the uncertainty
For each day passing is another moment gone
You can sit and regret it but it’s all lost
You take a moment to think
Is this how it feels
To be okay with what I have
And what I’ve lost?
To not be exceptional, beautiful and bright
But another ordinary being
Barely existing
Is this how it feels to be content?
Or is it more special ?

They say you lose more then just the person.
At first it’s anger,then hurt then guilt but gradually you fall through
You don’t think about them,you barely remember how they smile your moving on
Until one day it starts
It starts of small, you pick up a tissue and it’s his scent
You freeze as the cold air passes through
Your heart stops
Clenches
All it brings is hurt
You think of all the things you don’t do
Unintentionally
Or intentionally
You don’t listen to hey there Delilah
It’s your song
You don’t chew gum
No one carries it for you anymore
You no longer sit on the left side of the bus
Because the hope of seeing you on the right is heartbreaking
You no longer have caramel frappes
Or sit on random stairs to chat
You no longer walk in the snow
It was the first time you were told you were loved
You no longer hold hands
Or throw your arms around someone
You no longer wear frill socks
There’s no one there to pull them up
You don’t like being called meri jaan
That was the first word he learnt in your language
You wait and wait just to see him once more
The small eyes, half grin smile
Beaming at you
Knowing that you made him feel that
Over the years you will move on
As time passes
Memories fade
You’ll keep him close
The hurt will dull
But he won’t stop coming
Waltzing in
And just smiling
Leaving you heartbroken
In all those moments

You are to me a sunflower field,
Radiant and warm
I think of you and I see the sea
Coming with might,
But tender once it arrives.
Your name lingering on my lips
Moments away from being said,
Your smile echoes in my mind,
The tender way you say my name.
I feel so much
For you
Yet I wait,afraid
Maybe it’s not all true
Maybe I hope for you
And only you
Maybe you don’t
Or maybe you do?

I don’t really care how many people actually see my posts
Or how many likes
Or comments I get
To me this is all a show
One we all play to show the world
Look how happy I am
Look where I’m at
Look,look,look
No one actually looks at the bottom
Reads what one says
One could write poetry
But it goes missing in the algorithm
You look at my pictures
But don’t see what I have to say
You see the post
but don’t see who I am
And even if you do who really cares?
To each their own
That’s just how it is