I turned into everything
I said I wouldn't be
My father - A cheater
Someone that runs away
I've run away more times than I can count
I've had an epiphany
Now my heart and mind is in complete dissaray
My mother - Mental illness - BPD
My moods change so rapidly
Medication does nothing for me
Just a placebo effect
But the matter is stronger than my mind
I swore, I declared these things I would never be
Hypocrisy
I hate with every fibre of my being who I have turned out to be
There is no going back for me
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish my life turned out a different way  
I guess this is just in my DNA
Or perhaps this is karma
I'm with you
But I don't love you
I kiss you but I feel nothing
We ****
My body rejecting you
I bleed
Every ******* time
I feel nothing
You say you'll **** yourself if I leave
Looked me in my eyes
Staring straight into my soul when you said it
I'm trapped
In a life that I don't want
In a life that I didn't choose
If life is a game
This is one that I know I'm destined to lose
I know that it could be worse
But this feels like a curse
The road is wrong
No matter what path I choose
I should be used to it though, right?
I've felt this way for my entire ******* life
Maybe I'll never feel anything ever again
Maybe the world was better off if I never existed
I'm a bad person
In every context of the word
Ashamed
Is an understatement

I shed tears,
For those who had experienced that very pain.

The same pain I fear to face,


Death.


But it pains me more,
To be the only one to remember,


The Forgotten.


All my life,
I've seen death play it's game.

Those who...

seek it,

fear it,

face it.

But despite this,
I still feel sorrowful,
For all the pitiful souls,
Whom leave this vast world behind.

Despite their unknown...

names,

faces,

souls,


I Feel,



Sorrowful.


Is this what we call,
Mourning?

I'm not depressed
I'm challenged by happiness
Can't feel my happy.