There is a monster in all of us.
Sometimes it stays hidden from the world.
Deep down inside us,
never to be seen with a naked eye.
But sometimes
it pushes itself to the surface.
Scratching and clawing
on whatever it can grab.
The ugliest part of you,
that you tried so hard to hide,
is now a reality,
destroying every ounce of hope
you have left.
That monster continues to grow
inside of me.

My Brother
He won’t hug you or tell you he loves you

He might ignore you and say hurtful words

He doesn’t talk much and gets mad easily

But he’s my brother

Almost 18, a full adult

Someday he might hug me

Maybe even tell me he loves me

Someday I’ll tell him

I’ve kept that glow in the dark star

Above my bed ever since he let me take it off his ceiling

I keep it there so I can think of him before I fall asleep

So he can be my 11:11 wish

Maybe someday I’ll even tell him

How much it hurt when he’d refuse

To hug me or even look at me

Even in his quiet tough attitude

And brave expression

I can still see my big brother

it starts out
so innocently

a nagging thought in the back of your mind
a stray Post-It Note in the files of your memory

it flutters
caught in the breeze
of a wandering mind

another flutters
and then it rips free

you grab them
not knowing
their poison

fatuglystupidfatclingyhatefulfatselfishfatdirtytoxicfatf­atfat

you ****** them away
but they've already stuck
their glue coating your dendrites

you ignore them
the best you can

but their bright colours
and sharp words
flutter so very loudly
grabbing you the way
black-and-white normalcy cannot

months later
you sit at your desk
writing and smiling
and eating and giggling

when suddenly

you hear their flutter
and see that they have woven
into a gorgeous ribbon
of self-hate and pain

it wraps around your throat
freezing the words at the tip of your tongue

coaxing the food from your stomach
the breath from your lungs

and soon
the blood from your veins

you curl into a ball
and cover your ears
but there is no escaping

the ribbons are now ropes
tied tightly around your veins
around your throat
a noose
awaiting your next careless step

finally
you step off the edge of a loving home
or
trace your veins with a razor
or
find solace in a bullet

*suicidalworthlesscrazysuicidalsuicidalsuicidal

The time that you'll tell me goodbye
and ask me gently please don't cry,
I'll bring a smile and give a real try
and tell you- look, I'm not crying,

I'll be lying
I'll be lying
I'll be lying

If tomorrow
on another arms
you feel the same love
feel the same warmth

and if   I ask you this
do you remember me!
you simply say- no
you forgot the time,

You'll be lying
You'll be lying
You'll be lying

And if the morning says
Forget the dawn,
enjoy the sun and
die on the throne
and if I also say
I forgot the way ,
the way I never walked
without crying,

I'll be lying
I'll be lying
I'll be lying.....

the face of today is tired, tiring
to look at like aged and crinkled
paper, just
waiting to be
burned.

the cold inside my nose,
inside my eyes, inside my
hope globes and my curled
toes.

no heavy lifting or light
shifting of winds, just
full-on stale and hard and

cold.