I went to jail once,
I learned a lonely kind of pain.
Staring at a wall, utterly helpless.
Got out and
fell asleep on my best friend's couch.
Spent the next day pretty Ok.

I don't remember that night,
the night 5 guys jumped me.
I don't know what I said.
No one told me why they did it.
I remember crying and smelling like blood.
I remember EMT's looking at me.
I was watching a different life from behind my eyes.

I spent that next day laying by the lake.
No phone and no ride home.
a black eye in place of memories.
Everything hurt,
Falling asleep in the back of that truck.

Next day, I woke up a little better.
I drove the six hours home.
Bought my own birthday cake.
Told my mom,
"I got too reckless at boxing practice".
I pray she believed me.

This was my lost weekend.

We can't always make sense, so we write poetry.
Love can not feed small children, so we get jobs.
Starting fights won't change the world, so we vote.
We can't be kings forever, so we grow up.
Strength won't take the pain away, so we cry.
McDonald's isn't going to pay the bills, so we get degrees.
We can't hide forever, So we got married.

Still broken down and reeling.
I saw her in crowded room.
She made me nervous,
till I caught my breath.

Every love poem in the past year,
owe a special kind of thanks to her,
To the one of unmatched beauty.
Sultry eyed with a cute gleam of a smile.

She complimented me, then said I was "intimidating".
Honestly that honesty surprised me.
I am me, Mr. Nice-Guy finishing last.
being five nine and a half never inspired fear before.

Drunk at a party, I wouldn't hit on her.
So many people do that with their liquid courage.
That would be an insult to her.
So I did the hardest thing to do, Nothing.

This isn't poetry, this isn't a love story.
This is a tragedy that burns rather slowly.
Though as I wait, I hope that to be a lie.

If I could make you smile, I'd be happy.
The world needs not one more sad beautiful face.
You bring a light that I should like to shine.
Give me your sad and I'll take it kindly.

Your loneliness I know what to do with it.
Fear nothing, this back of mine shall be your shield
I'll champion your hand for all the nights turn black.
Smoke couldn't even touch you on my watch.

This flower might be the world if you'd lower those walls.
I like that which makes me happy, So give me that smirk.
You don't show it because the Sun doesn't like being upstaged.
I'll chase that insecure ******* straight out a the sky for you.

Please don't stifled that beautifully gargantuan flame.
If you had to give "Elegance" a name I'd call it you.
Never wrong when you say that the time is "a second before the next"
You're good for only one thing; Simply Everything.

The colors left the lines and danced across my face.
Pain filled the warmth and turned the world cold.
I fell inward toward the eternity that once was my soul.

(I fell in love with her... and she didn't do the same.)

I screamed until my voice broke and then I cried until I ran dry.
She chose someone else and asked me to stay.
I would and I could, but my soul would break.
I hope she is happy maybe she'll be happier without me.
I pray she smiles everyday.
I pray she is happy before I go to sleep.
I pray she is happy When I try to wake.

Death has followed me home.
Standing just at the edge of my vision.
Walking near me but never with me.
Silently and subtly you've become my companion.

The fire in my soul has ceased giving you reign.
Cold has come over my entirety.
A stillness that makes me uneasy.
A black deeper than the night.

I can't feel my hands
I can't face the light.
I can't focus my eyes.
I can't seem to feel my breath.

So easy to let it slide away from me.
So simple to concede this war.
So elegant to become nothing again.
So amazing to fade away.







I won't do that though.  

There are people I want to see smile for at least a life time more.
There is a woman I love and I want to be near.
There is a man I want to break.
Selfishly I'll keep on moving.

I'll trudge on because there is still so much I've got to do.

Like a simile to start a poem
I can say I did but never tried.  
Took a jump but never a dive.
Just Flittering around
The same ripped up page.
Lights did they dance or sing?
Maybe a lockstep and a drum beat.
Tomorrow is become a prison.
There's no crime in being lonely.

My face is full of forgiveness but this heart aches for pain.

This hand is wilted from making fists, of holding nothing’s hand.

This wrinkle on my face is a scar left by the days without you.

Can’t you just wake up your heart and notice me,

I’m standing here waiting for you.

Some sort of symmetry in the girl of my dreams.
When she starts dating my brother's drug dealer.
Some sort of empty heart that filled up my chest.
When I realized she'd rather be with him than I.
Some sort of words that get caught in my head.
When he does nothing but be himself.
Some sort of asymmetry in the weight of two people.
When their happiness means more then mine.

Even to me.

You coward with your false pride.
Choosing words to hurt and smiling smugly.
It is not brave to try to fight who you call a friend.
It is not wise to divide the room with "you idiot".
Drunk minds quickly breed hardened fists.
I love you brother
but you can't pick a fight with some brawlers.
The night didn't call me last night
Her whisper fell silent and cold.

When you look up at the night sky imagine something for me.
Imagine that in a past life you were a star burning.
That billions of years ago you lived.
You lived and shined so bright you light up the night today.
Imagine you smiled long ago now you're smiling back.
I want you to imagine this so you can understand
why I don't need to look up to lose my breath.

I dropped my ID in the gutter.
Stuck in the gray for another day.
Stammering for shattered syllables.
Slowly it all happened in a blur.

Woke up tired still mixing words.
Days turned into fits of sobriety.
Till the darkness rises and takes the sky.
Another night trying to forget her..

           ..The girl with eyes as deep as the sky.

Saying words meaning nothing, transfixed with "I"
it's startes every sentence, and if i could i'd end with I.
Only opinion that matters is my own, mastery is a poem.
syncing lines with words and words weighing me down like stones.
Thoughts so sad they corrode my morals like acid.
sitting on my bed, it starts and i become homesick.
Pathetic as i once was and even more so, can you believe it?
still smiling and laughing at jokes never said, hoping to break even.
We're going out, it's all on me, except for the money and the driving.
your phone is probably blowing up from all the numbers you're dialing.
never not gonna do what we did last weekend, eh?
Slow jamming to oldies in a "Smoke that bud" kinda way.
Chain smoking for fun, and laugh at silent jokes.
planning our next unknown move, totally stoked.
A Queen is just a pawn with fancy moves, you say.
those weren't queens but it doesn't mean we're not kings, i say.
They were ordinary but we made them out to someone extra-ordinary.
Alright lets stop this nonsense, thinking about people who don't deserve it.
my emotions are swelling and empty, complicated i don't know how else to word it.

I'm not 22, I am 49 years old.
I am older than my father.
I sit alone curmudgeony reading books.
Society frightens me, and I fear change.
I look out the window into the day and shiver.
The temperature means nothing.
The sun hasn't touched my flesh in a month.
Let's let these letters slide into nothing...

Imperfect words sound beautiful.
Said Perfectly.

Can't I just lay down and drift away
Why must my hand yearn for another
This warmth of my heart craves more.
I want her next to me....But I want to be alone.

Raise your head up above those clouds.
Wash away these broken smiles.
Dancing on yesterday's graves.
This new-born sin sings unsubtley.

I don't even know where I've been.
I love that I don't know her.
I know that I don't love her.
I know where I am but I know nothing.

I kept you like bottle of whiskey in my pocket.
The world knew nothing of your existence.
People I shared you with were overly nice.
Taking quite sips, too afraid to be consumed.

Now you're broken and running out.
I slipped, now the world thinks I ****** my pants.
"Leave me alone now. I have nothing for you"
I'm not lowering my head in sadness I am hiding this smirk.

The King walking to the gallows.
Honor swaying before his eyes.
Death half-step away, smiling.
They appeared as Ants from the Throne.
Now they stand as if they were Gods.
He raised his eyes and and coolly proclaimed,
"How are you to follow me, if i do not lead?
You cower before death, I will meet him as an equal"
Though he fell his eyes never left the people.
His final breath joined the wind...
and the nation could breathe again.

I put my hand on the ocean and the other on your heart.
I closed my eyes and I swear I couldn't tell them apart.

I've had one?...two?...many nights of waking up not knowing.
closing my eyes and imagining god was dumbstruck staring.
fixating at the ceiling and all i can think to say "It all started last week...
standing on a cool dark step she said words directed to hurt aimed at me.
I just took it not saying a word not defending a thing, still trusting her.
All the things we were just slipped away and my vision she blurred.
Imagining she needed space, i left for a bit came back and told her i love her.
she did nothing it rolled off of her as if hadn't even said a thing.
this is the life i made, i gave my heart, she smiled and gave me nothing.
flashforward, and she does something wild, makes a mistake and plays the victim.
she did something wild, and i was too afraid to ask if she kissed him.
you're reading this and maybe you know who i am talking about.
chances are and reality is you don't know this person, i didn't even

Friday afternoon and there she stood. Her phone in one hand and my breathe in the other. She glowed and made me think creator had placed an angel on this earth for me, for at least today.
Her and me, we drove around for a little bit like two fools...maybe I was just the fool. I couldn't look at her for too long without her eye meeting mine and I'd blush (which is nice and new).

Her eyes looked as if I was staring into two explosions of brown inside green that had been stilled in time and placed here to bless any person who had the chance to hold that lovely gaze.

After walking around the river and talking for a few little hours, I know I meet someone who other men would write songs for. Her elegance made me wonder what sort of person could even think of harming her in any way.

You know, I could use all the fancy words and phrases now, but let me tell you this. When I was next to her just listening to her voice, smiling with her smile, or looking as her eyes lit up that edge of the bench...the only word tumbling through my head was "...wow".

It's a good thing she had to leave, if she hadn't I would have sat there on that bench with her for the rest of my life. We would have new presidents, empires would have risen and fall, the Avenger 2 would have come out and I would still be sitting there smiling and blushing every time she said my name.

Sometimes I dream I am awake
Alone in home not my own
Counting all the dreams I could not be
With rain trickling down my face.

The woman I marry is gonna be so ****** up.
She's going to want to take walks on the beach.
She'll drown my Cheerios in milk every day.
She'll watch all these Serial Killer Documentaries
She and I will will hold hands as we drift to sleep.
We'll be Sid and Nancy on Halloween, her and me.  
We'll have a pet turtle named Van Gogh.
I mean she is so ****** up...

Why else would she marry me.

There is a beast in every man.
There is a beast barring its fangs.
In the heart of every man there is a darkness.
Black is the song played to the brokenhearted.

Dancing on the graves of smiles stands him.
The masked man playing at the hero.
Dynamic is your dream, static is your calling.
I'd toy with you longer but you're such a boring character.

Black is a piece of the heart I could let engulf the rest.
Days I spend happy and alone or happy with friends.
I just can't shake the beast that is in me.
Hours at a time she rises and howls emptiness at me.

and I feel it..

The joy that would come from the pain of this masked man.
My knuckles craves his throat, my gaze calls for his blood.
An almighty pleasure that could be achieved in seconds.
A pain that would echo through the rest of my life.

So easy it would be to cause hurt so hard it is to feel love.

They can't see me and I can't see them.
Hidden away under the nothing-lights.
Close my eyes to dream.
I see through the world and poetry.
I can see them, and my Demons stare at me.

My chest is being pulled till it creaks.
Colors leave the lines and fear takes it place.
Retreat now if only I hadn't lost my feet.
My armor turned to snow, Cold,Soft, and Breakable.

Open my eyes and I can't see a thing.
But I know they're staring back at me.

She gave me goosebumps with a piece of a sentence.
I could dance just to the thought of being near her.
Her silence is more beautiful than any words.
I want to hold that gaze for any number of moments.

The flowers I bought her have gone and wilted away.
The flower she bloomed in my heart grows each day.
I want to say this is a crush and just write it away
But more than that I want that to not be so.

I dream of holding her hand, and the sound of her voice.
Saying her name makes me feel a sense of pulchritude.
The veil of whatever this is I want to tear down and press her lips to mine.

"Be brave to allow yourself hope"
What I think when she flutters across my mind.

Days fall by untouched and piling up.
Eyes unclouded by the feel of air.
"Hope" begins to rot away the nights.
Smiles switch and shine.
A light brought to the darkness, glows.
Future unplotted but still there.
Therapy in the wild and unruly.

Let me spill these from my mouth to the empty page.
Run my fingers through the prose and feel the warmth.
Creating worlds in this unforgiving land of peace.
Your shackle made of freedom has me choking on air.

I said "I love you" to her.
She said it back, time passed.
I forgot i dated her.
She gets engaged.
I remember crying for her, long ago.
I feel nothing, i feel i should.
I told her "I love you" I didn't lie.
She should be happy, i hope.

You ever just get so angry
that tears fill your eyes and tomorrow seems so far away that you sink


to the bottom of a well of being un well.

Drowning and people are just showing you pictures of air as if to offer some comfort. One day I'd like to not know what I am talking about.

Maybe the knowledge of life isn't meant to breathe air into our souls but to slowly take it away.

I talked to god last night, he showed me something.
Told me i was still in love, looking past the ideals found an idea.
I was alone in a broken down car, with god and my best friends.
found an old poem i wrote, found my ex girlfriend's letter.
I turned on that old cancerous hunk, and found my best friend.
Merle was sitting next to me and he turned on the radio.
I closed my eyes and saw my breath, chuck was chuckling at my side.
Before i realized it, i was laughing and mikey was calling me weak.
I felt so alone, and all at once all the people i love,and love surrounded me.
a nice warm feeling, then the battery died, and i was alone.
I cried that night, threw the keys on the seat and walked away.
I wanted to go back, but the doors were locked.
I stood there for a few minutes, with her letter, and my poem.
I smiled, with tears in my eyes and i said:
"Thank you god, i'll stay here for awhile now"
I found my god, and he gave me "love"

They used to tell me I wasn't native because I knew my dad.
They used to call me ****** because I did my homework.
They used to beat me up when they got bad haircuts.
They used call me ***** because my skin is brown.

I always thought this kind of stuff was pretty sad.
Like a joke with no punchline it just hung in the air.
When adulthood came they turned and forgot.
Now I play with Lego's to remember playing alone.
Just dancing along to the same old empty song.

It was his brightest hour.
He rose higher than ever before.
and fell so much further.
He the man with no shame.
The matchless King and his invisible kingdom .
It all turned to rot
as victory had defeated him.

You feel so amazing moving between my fingers.
So light and cool to touch like a breeze off the night.
You move like a knife through water.
I press you to my lips when you make me laugh.
I want to forever carry you above my heart.
I love you dear friend please don't ever break.
If you break that would break me.
I want to say I won't but I will try to replace you.
If I do, know you were always my favorite pen.

I met a girl today,
she was kinda sorta amazingly beautiful.
She ran her fingers through my hair.
I was sitting and with a heart that wouldn't stop racing.
She smiled at me and my face flushed red.
She made me laugh and the world fell away.
We spoke for an hour, but i couldn't say
"You are amazing, Let me buy you dinner.
I'd spent the evening tell you how you are a poem,
Let me show you how truly beautiful you are,
How about next Friday night?"


I wish i said that, I want to see her again..

The woman I want to wrap my arms around.
The woman who said I looked sad, and made me laugh.
The woman of my dreams.

nevermind.
I don't want you knowing about me.
I do not want eyes on all this nothing.
I only want those accolades you hand out.
Those sweet murmurs behind useless words.
Anonymity just barely gives a ****.
And
Somehow I care.

I want to see if these are lies.
I want to hold these broken promises.
This day is wasted just not knowing.
Time waits for no man but we're two lost children.
Dressed like a clown and still wearing the crown.
Set fire to your lies and we'll never go cold.
I'm gone until you're not.
Dancing in the dark.
Lock the doors this is too much fun.
Just let me die not knowing.
Ignorance is bliss, and my heart is blistered from the "truth".

I want to be near her.
I left my heart with her.
It's calling me
This pain would wash away if I returned.
This pain would sync with the wind and flee.
My heart longs for my body.
I miss her and every seconds tears me apart.

I remember looking at a bewildering little flower.
Just off the sidewalk it gently danced in the breeze.
I stood totally engrossed in this strange little being.
God wanted me to see this, to bask in its bewitching allure.
I watched it for a few more minutes in serenity.
As I readied to leave, I look to make sure no one could see.
I kicked the flower from its home,
I watched as it danced one last melancholic tune.
Fluttering to the earth it truly looked as if it were dying.
It landed with a plump sort of umph.
I felt a tear trickled out and make its way down.
I stared at the corpse of the dancing plant.
The words that came out of my mouth were selfish.
"You touched my soul, If I let you touch another I'd die.
I ended you so those moments would be fleeting and mean so much more. "
After I said her eulogy I walked away,
Tears were shed but I never looked back.

I'm going to show you monsters.
Demons, Men, and Beasts.
and where I stand at the in between.

The Age of Heroes and Miracles is done.
Raise your head and bring your own light to the dark.

I sleep during the day between the nights I feel alive.
The same mundanely chaotic dream...
We're holding hands and whispering sweet nothings.
fast forward, we're racing across old country roads.
You're inviting me to breakfast, and i am racing across the town.
Only to show up and make a complete *** out of myself.
My body becomes a healing flame, when we walk your hand in mine.
Of my life i can't say that I remember all that much.
But what i know is i wasn't truly alive till i knew "what is love"
When i made you smile, i felt the entire world fall away.
it was then, i was reborn with 5 whole new senses.
All the grays i stared at turned beautiful vibrant hues.
Your meals were a work of art, Fireworks exploding in my mouth.
You brushed my hand, and i felt poetry radiating through my flesh.
it wasn't till i looked into your opalescent eyes,
that was when i saw the world in all its unfathomable beauty.
I know i am nothing to you now, but if you see this i want you to know...

Thank you :)

He punched the treadmill, it wasn't fast enough to carry his emotions.
They fell to his face, battered and bruised they began to swell.
Happiness were the tears that couldn't take it and ran away.
lonliness was the wail, which brought us all in and pushed us away.
he became a monster bent on making us smile, because it made him happy.
He lied straight to our faces, not with words but a crooked smile.
He's a man like us, but his heart was light turned to steel.
He raises his hand to God hoping to hold him.
When i met this man i laughed at him and pushed him down.
He with his hard earned optimism, a dreamer who ran away from his addictions.
And he does it all because i love and respect him, the man who is secretly me

If I held my heart on a string, I'd sink to the bottom of the sea.
The closest I'll come to heaven is thinking of letting go.

I can't help the moments where I felt like I was alive.
They drift away in the sad brightness of yesterday.

My heart looks like lightning that never lets go.
My face carries the rain like the soil for dried up tears.

The future is burning every second and becoming the ash of yesterday.
I'm going to lay in this pile of ***** smoke until I drown.

It is not the sound of sunsets smashing every night.
They die over and over for that makes them amazing.
A story that is not done is not yours to tell.
Ride with me, take my love and crash like thunder.

You're only reckless until you're wise.
The day ends so the night may begin.
What we'll do with this God only knows.
What we'll do with this only God can forgive.

Back with only memories of tomorrow.
the Personality that simply engulfs mine.
A hazel blaze that ate the small flame.
Tomorrow, you changed the entire world

burned down the sky, for the color of sunsets.
cynic turned something more facetious.
Pinwheel-heart only moves when you walk by.
simplistic melody of “ba-dump, Ba-dump”

fought for pacifism and won.
You and your crazy handful of nothings.
tore down the libraries to save the books.
Killed the dreamers to save the dreams

Dark Brown sunshine fell on your shoulders.
crescent moon sat under your nose.
and the stars twinkled across your face.
I only look to the sky to see you.

Build a life where tomorrow is not so far away.
where should we meet up? i know.
Lets meet at the edge of where you’ve been.
Lets meet at the edge of where you’re going

Perfection is overrated
and I love broken things.
The color of glass
and shattered dreams.

Look at me and you will not see a Hero.
Smile with me and the Devil I become.
My quieted anger,the smokeless flames.
My breathe is not ragged
My Fists shan't be righteous

But you'll remember me for the kindness.
That you so long ago mistook for my weakness.

Miss me? Mr. Smith