MisspellingLife

MisspellingLife Dec 2014

When i first met you
near north on the compass
i was awestruck
by your openness and grace
so evident
by this first chance meeting.
i was hooked within the month.
that's always how its been for me,
i fall in love easily.
simply terrified, i didn't know what to do
what to think
i had never felt real love
true love
boundless love to the infinity that i did with you.
and it took a while, but i finally built the courage
to tell you how i felt
and that's as far as i got
for a while.
i was naive
i didn't know that silence means go away
or that it could be intended as a mercy
leaving would have been smart
but wisdom and love don't always mix
opposing magnets, they are both positive.
and so it came to pass,
that several long months later
in the warmth that told of goodbyes
i asked you out
and you made me euphoric
when you whispered yes
but i was shattered
when your fingers wrote no.
and that was all i could hear,
for the remainder of the year
your 'no'
scattered amongst sympathetic refuse and broken glass...
i waited
and lied
and silently cried
hiding behind this mask of a smile that was never really mine.
to this day, you are my friend
and to this day, i cant blame you
for anything
because heartbreak, like a doting child
follows you wherever you run
no matter how hard you try to escape.
ill always be here for you,
even if i can barely look at you,
because the only true remedies
for wounds like these
lie in distance
and not in polyromanticism

MisspellingLife Dec 2014

Human Nature

the sky fell
and the atrocious tendencies
of this world came to me in a dream
why is cruelty so innate?

Dec 2014

Nathan Squiers

Wanna Be My Friend?

Let's break all the tension with the pretense of my presence.
Yes, I'm insensitive--but there's no other incentive others can give--
And while I'm not sure I could prevent it, I swear to no god I'm inventive!

Yes,
My hatred is incessant--ever present--and it's what I hold most sacred.
I'm a naughty narcissist with a nasty list of wasted kisses,
And I won't say that I'll miss 'em, 'cuz I'm the type who never misses.

I'm a hopeless romantic with a new sense of Tantric hope,
It's the antics of a frantic mind, but I'm too calm to cope.
They say I'm a raving, violent--rarely silent--tyrant with a craving
for the obscene,
Though, while I'm mean, I'm rarely seen within a mob or in a scene.

I'll admit I've got a streak, but--if you'd stop to take a peek--
You'd see a Buddhist, not a nudist, who's less a demon than a geek.
I'm oblique and I'm obtuse (do these math puns work for you?) yet I'm rarely never right;
Get my angle? Catch my drift? I might thrash, but, man, I'm thrift!
Hold on shift: I'M SCREAMING NOW!!
Don't know why; don't have a cow!
Remember that? That 90's rap? Look at me then; that piece of crap!
Shot down! Torn up! Shut in! Turned out!
Lips are sealed; inside I'd shout,
'Bout just how bad I wanted out!
Enraged and crazed; cravin' razors; a victim hiding from all saviors!
Turned to the pen to brace for the knife,
Started writin' and saved my life.
It's funny to say my life got better the day I started a suicide letter...

But letters turned to words and those words became whole worlds,
And before my very eyes a whole legacy unfurled!
I was GOD--not just a slob--but a shaper of all things,
And the schemes that I'd been dreaming shifted into scribing,
And I never stopped since then; it's why I'm still alive!

So my insanity became vanity as calamity turned to amity.
Sheer pessimism became untamed narcissism,
But if the mind's a prison then consider me jail broken.
Outspoken, re-awoken; take a moment to let that soak in.
That a boy doubtful of tomorrow could ditch the sorrow,
And become an immortal--though immoral, not totally amoral.

So yea, I've got my faults; I'm a sensory assault,
And while I don't mean to offend I'm just a product of the ends.
Played with fire; I got burned.
Dared to aspire; I was turned.
So I inquire to you sires as I march out of the fires:
You've seen my darkness and know my story--beginning, middle, end--
My name is Nathan Squiers, do you wanna be my friend?

#self #life #funny #rap #lyrical #confession #author #imperfections #irony #introduction

MisspellingLife Dec 2014

Summer

I see you in the halls,
I know you see me too
and I can't help but wonder:
why?
what do you see?
you're so much better than me.
when I touch you
my stomach overturns
with the soft fluttering
of delicate, heart-shaped butterflies
it never lasts long
but it always happens.
you mean the world
to me
you are everything
to me
you warm me,
despite incurable chill
you are the dawning Summer,
sweeping away the rains of spring.
but sometimes
in the small moments
of night before I close my eyes,
I wonder
what if?
what if I tried too hard?
what if you stopped seeing me,
as we pass in the halls
I doubt myself.
I doubt that the ethereal strength
of my tainted soul
could endure such
unfathomable torment.
willpower is brittle
and things break,
that do not bend.
and as finger strikes key
after key
I wonder if you will read this
and wonder at the length
of this piece
this poem...
feelings like these do not come lightly
and the passion never fades.
so know now
this great extent,
and know that I
will always be here
in this work
because
feeling is timeless,
thought boundless,
and writing limitless,
so it becomes my tool,
my vessel,
the capsule to contain me
in my emotion
for you.

for Summer Anthony

MisspellingLife Dec 2014

By Needle or by Spoon

together we grew,
but you left
before I was done.
hopped over a boundary
a wall that kept you from me.
I still looked for you
saw you when I could,
but time wore on
and you came less.
you cut out the day
that celebrated
our relationship,
our difference.
and now,
when you should've been home,
you stay away again.
instant confusion
swirled with pain
are baked with pie in oven.
anger results, mother cries, father sits and comforts,
as the bearer of bad news.
mind numb, heart pounding
resounding desbelief
do my ears deceive?
what happened?
what have you done?
why?
questions pour
from lips faster
than thoughts themselves
can form them.
to this moment,
I cannot tell your condition
cannot assist in your struggle...
but above all...
I still don't know why
every day you suffer in your self-induced agony
and I don't think you know
that every hour of your torment
is a lifetime for me.
and I still can't know
whether by needle
or by spoon
this medicine is always bitter.
please
Victoria
big sister
just this once
come home

MisspellingLife Nov 2014

Decisions

decisions, decisions
you can toss the dice
and flip a coin
but which way is right
and which way is wrong
when the dice roll snake-eyes
and the coin lands sideface...
what then?
when you can lie no more
have to grow up
face the light
trust your heart.
but the heart is cruel,
sadistic,
greedy,
selfish.
is it worth it?
the world won't wait,
not forever.
decisions, decisions