Michaela Ferris

Michaela Ferris Aug 2020

Right now I could usr your company,
Just to hear you tell me it'll be okay.
You're the only one who understood
The desperate want to give up the fight,
For the night just seems so cold right now.
How I miss you already and your warm embrace,
The one that always made me feel safe.
Like there was someone who cared if I made it out alive.
Right now I could use your company,
Just to hear you say it'll be okay tonight?

Michaela Ferris Aug 2020

Defeated

I know life's supposed to be hard sometimes,
So why is it the pain won't subside?
I can't escape the ghosts of my past
When they all still linger round,
Trying to get better and fix myself
But I'm caught in a riptide,
A whirlpool of insanity.
Letting the tears spill tonight
I've kept locked away for some time...
Tonight I'm feeling defeated,
Going to let myself feel all the pain...
Try again when the morning comes.

Michaela Ferris Jun 2020

Never mean anything

I know I may never be the first
Or maybe not the last
But I have feelings like all the rest
Not someone you can tear apart.
For I'm fed up of being used,
Only wanted when it's right for you
Abandoned plans lay scatterd on the floor.
Why am I never enough
For someone to stick to what they say?
Am I that easy to ignore?
Neglect?
Forget?
Or for you to just simply walk away.
It seems so easy for you
To ignore that I exist
I guess thats what you get
When you're nothing and never were....
Is it really so easy for you to pretend
That I was never really here
You know the right things to say
To keep me near
But only when it best suits you.
You couldn't give a ****
That you're the company I have
For you have everyone else around
And I could never mean anything to you!

Michaela Ferris Jun 2020

Entrapped in a cage

Like a bird who has forgotten how to sing.
I too have forgotten my own melody.
Entrapped in a cage,
Imprisoned by my own insanity
Of starving, bleeding, crippling thoughts.

Numb to any touch.
Possesed by the cold like a corpse.
The epitome of nothingness,
Laying baron to this monstrous world
Realising you have no one to stay!

Like all the lost things
I too am lost, unable to be found.
Deserted by everyone
Left to fend off the demons alone once again
Not knowing if I will make it out of this one alive...

Michaela Ferris Jun 2020

Moon beams and night skies

Carry me away on your
Silent moon beams
That grace the night skies
With gentle visions of peace.

Help me to drift away on
Nights so silent
Filled with dreams to come
And tears of things gone astray.

Wrap me up within the
Night skies somber embrace.
A lullaby of thoughts
Waiting to be dreamt or felt my the few

Michaela Ferris Jun 2020

Do you?

Do you use me
When you only message me when you want something?

Do you use me
When you rant about your day but neglect to ask me mine?

Do you use me
When you get what you want and leave as quick as the seasons change?

Do you use me
When I only hear from you when it's convenient to you?

Do you use me
When you're always to busy to listen but quick to jump to others?

Do you use me
When I no longer feel like I mean anything, but you keep coming back as you please?

Michaela Ferris Jun 2020

Tonight, I can't take it

Tonight I just can't take it,
Muffling my cries,
Until there's a burning in my throat and an ache within my heart
That beckons me to just let go.
The tears that want to scream,
Scream out in a pain, torturous to the mind
Producing an overpowering headache.
Paralysing me,
Holding me hostage to my bed.
A prison I can rarely escape these days.
Those types of cries that would break
A heart if they dares to listen.
The cries of someone on the brink of death.
Tonight I just can't it,
Muffling my cries with a pillow pressed tight to my lips,
Whilst texting those words:
"I'll be fine, I always am"
Hoping you'll look past it this time.
I drag this blade
One last time
Tracing my veins like lines on a map
Hoping sometime tonight
I'll reach my last destination
And will never have to muffle
My cries again!

#cries #pain #death #depression #dysthmia #hurt #tears