Cry, cry sweet child
Let Sorrow rise.
Surrender
For faith will step in.
Release
What is not yours to own.
Give a voice to the secrets
Expose your fears.
Speak out now!
...and...
Honour your tears.
Accept how you minimize the anguish inside
...and...
STOP LISTENING to THEIR LIES!
Let every ounce of pain and suffering you’ve too long endured, EMERGE
It’s time for YOUR TRUTH to be told!
Hold space as it evacuates
Let go!
RISE, RISE UP sweet child
It’s the eleventh hour
Let LOVE grasp your hand
So you can TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!

We are a portrait of perfection
preserved in a past life

Will I finally smile the truth?
Will years of suffering vanish from my youth?
Will I willingly love me for me?
Will you look into my eyes and know I am free?
Will fear still control my every move?
Or have I stepped into life and followed my groove?
Will I look into mirrors without hate in my eyes?
Will I finally trust myself and give up the lies?
Will I be living the life I dreamed?
Or will this one still be falling apart at the seams?
so many questions
I need to know
Into a painstaking journey
to finding my soul
I can’t wait to uncover the woman inside
Peel back each layer to swallow my pride
Dump the hitch hikers who stole their ride
This one is for me and me alone
This rediscovery will carry me home

She reflects radiance
When her heart bled sorrow
She is the epitome of brilliance
Though her insides felt hollow

She appears to be calm
In the midst of all storms
Though her mind rapidly races
And anxiety swarms

She knows the solutions
To the problems I share
Though her own life in pieces
Was more than she could bear

She extends a loving smile
To everyone she greets
Though love once rejected her
And she lived with defeat

She holds on to hope
In times of despair
Though struggle was endless
And no one seemed to care

She weaves her story
Through intricate lace
And embraces each moment
With beauty and grace

There's love in the air today
I felt it at dawn
As the moonlight gently
Kissed my face
And I lay peacefully
Within the newness of the morn
I felt it at sunrise
As her golden rays
Gently kissed my face
And I lay hopeful
Within the light of day
I felt it when our eyes met
As you gently and tenderly
Kissed my lips
And I lay in love
Within the depths of you

It came to me in silence
A reflective state of being
This epiphany has uncovered
Deeper wounds in need of healing

I choose to sit within this
Ever growing pile of ****
As unbearable as the stench may be
I can't escape its filthy grip

Chained to perceptiveness
Heavy burdens hold the key
To locks I am imprisoned
In the depths of misery

Contained within the boundaries
And the limits of my mind
I choose to glorify the victim
And the need to be confined

I have lived
life
perceiving
I am
the measly
leftovers
unworthy and stale
soiling
a perfectly good plate
rejected with disdain
and disgust
                        Until I had the courage
                        to dine alone
Now I gleam
at the absurdity
and the filthy
rotten
Domestic waste
they so intrinsically
continue to fabricate
for themselves
as I feast on the
nourishment
of my
authenticity

Energetically I know how you feel
My gift is not confined by space and time
Psychic abilities come with the territory
Always put needs of others ahead of my own
Time with nature is time at home
Highly sensitive is an asset not a weakness
Sense the world deeply suffer immensely

Some will read no further
As it hits too close to home
Reflecting the mirrors image
To a face that's not their own

I sift through flimsy ashes
Of a charred and fiery past
I've burned some meaningful bridges
Chasing the spark I'll never grasp

As I walk along this desert plain
With soot beneath my feet
To the edge of flowing waters
Sweet surrender I hope to greet

There's debris below the surface
In an ocean full of fear
It holds the key to my freedom
Through murky waters I must steer

You’ve followed me for far too long
Your hold on me is far too strong
Engrained in me at far too young
Meshed with my psyche, we appear as one

The parasitic tendencies are hidden so well
I keep you well-nourished in this living hell
If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have survived
I’ve bought into your truth and kept you alive

You hide in the depths just waiting to strike
Black cloak and dagger in broad daylight
You’re an expert at killing the fight within
You go by the name Victim and always win

You’ve worn me so well for so many years
Stricken me with grief and brought me to tears
Never out of style and first in your class
Owning the runway, can’t compete with your sass

You fit just like a glove over nail bitten fingers
Lost in despair as your deception lingers
I want to be free of the stories you sell
But I just can’t undress as I wear you so well

She reposes, allowing the soft, subtle brush of stillness to paint her into this moment

There is
an emptiness that lingers
long after
the dagger of betrayal
pierces
the unsuspecting
heart

Your crystal visions pierce my naked eyes
organized chaos roams inside
this room is cold
I feel alone
without you by my side

drops from heaven
hit the pavement in unison
God sheds tears that nourish

you are distance on a long
and winding road
and I am left with only my thoughts

you are distance on a long
and winding road
and I fear I may never reach you





June 16, 2011

It is, as it was before it began

You gave birth to me
yet I have never been born
I am alive
yet never taken a single breath

I have been caught up in currents of time
yet this moment remains eternally still
I have traveled miles across this land
yet never taken a single step

I have had infinite conversations
yet never spoken a word
embraced many loved ones
yet never touched a single soul

I have cried oceans of tears
desperately searching for love
blindly unaware what I was seeking
was looking through my eyes

I have grieved a magnitude of losses
yet lost nothing at all
felt desperately alone
yet everywhere I looked, there I was

countless lifetimes
incalculable deaths
I am billions of galaxies in the Cosmos
yet I remain infinite emptiness

It is not merely the loss of love
but the depth in which it
penetrates the unsuspecting heart
that bleeds the deepest of sorrows

Old patterns, new changes
Idle hands, empty pages
Sleepless nights, days apart
Tattered sheets, broken hearts

Empty promises, Full denial
Forgive me, Betray you
Seeing red, Feeling blue
Depression, Breakthrough

Blind love, uncovered sorrow
Dessert tray, eating crow
Straight ahead, circle back
See light, fade to black

Open road, abandoned trail
Successes, Epic fails
Repeating patterns, lessons learned
Extending faith, Bridges burned

I am drunk on desperation
upon the clifftops of despair
Will I take the leap of faith?
or continue to live in fear?

Ashamed for feeling broken
I am trapped within my past
I must unravel these emotions
to truly be free at last

I want to confront this darkness
Shed some light upon this pain
Reveal the creepy shadow monsters
before they seep into my brain

Made to believe I was not good enough
is what keeps me feeling weak
I learned so young not to love myself
from the Death Mother’s critique

There's this child in need of healing
who keeps tugging at my sleeve
as I kneel to finally greet her
she softly whispers, “It’s safe to grieve.”

It is an anchor thickened with age
tiny fractures induced by love
do not lance its hardened core
scaled with the red rust of rage
it ensures I am uncared for

Infrangible are these chains
that have rendered me confined
interlocking coils I can’t seem to break
have inflicted immeasurable pain
and a lifetime of heartache

There are moments I believe I can soar
blinded by realistic illusions
I expand my wings and take flight
shocked disbelief as I crash once more
I lack sacred truth and simple insights

Do I give in and embody the tethers,
surrender to my self limitations and
buy the lies of this mortal mind?
Or stitch my brave heart back together
forever detached from the ties that bind?

May you find freedom
amidst this suffering
seeking refuge in the harmony
and stillness of nature

pause

inhale her being, your being
with present awareness
let silence be your guide
as divine wisdom
and the richness of this life
captivate the adversity

A challenge invoking miracles
You talk about the Angels
With that crooked
sideways grin

Eyes that lure you closer
As *******
leaves your sultry lips
You have them hook, line and sinker

You promise to bring peace
And the biggest of all prizes
Eradicate the fear inside
And **** the lies that bind us

You brand yourself a healer
I guess I'll give you that
Not the only hat you wear so well
The "biz" is where it's at

You seal the deal
With love and hope
Many buy your cryptic lies
Desperate to be saved

Once you are In
The magic begins
Mystic tinted glasses
Fit you like a glove

Found a leak in your container
Foundation is more like it
Universal truth seeps through
Exposing your hidden agenda

Many eyes will open to
The deceptions of your craft
The witch that stirs the cauldron
Needs to take a cleansing bath

Feet firmly planted
upside down
hanging in the balance
as I stare at the ground

I open my mouth to speak
but century gothic font
vanishes into thin air
it’s ink blots taunting all of my wants

Stained lips puckered
kissing lost words goodbye
tears grieve the unexpressed
while sorrow remains trapped inside

My silenced voice
fuels their fire of lies
and I let the billowing smoke of judgment
choke me until I died

I am the edge and the cliff
the toes dangling over the abyss
I am the readiness to fall
and the terror to fly

I am the wind against this skin
and the life altering decision
I am the falling and the flying
into and above this groundless ground

I am the asker for the push
and the push into its nothingness
I am the nothingness and the manifest
playing with the idea of existence

She ran across that field with all of her might
That fifteen year old child was running for her life
She came so close to escaping his rage
Just a few more feet would have saved a lifetime of pain
With his forearm choking her he tightened his grip
Screaming in terror as her innocence was stripped
She turned to her mother with desperation in her eyes
But the onlooker just watched ignoring her cries
“Please help me mom, I can’t breathe!!”
She never rescued her, something I still can’t believe
Thirty years later the terror still resides
Betrayal and sadness fester inside
It is time this is written to cleanse my soul
I reclaim my power and the right to be whole

The endless chatter
is vibrating
at impeccable speed
a scavenger
pecking ravenously
its razor sharp beak
rapidly devouring
this encrypted brain
one synapse
at a time
my eyes wide open
in terror
as I bleed
wasteful thoughts
that selfishly steal
this precious night

The bloodline that relates us
Is tainted and diseased
Lies surging through your vessels
Purging your mouth with ease

Your skin writhe with envy
Your eyes exude no light
Demons scream inside your head
You house the devils’ delight

Your souls’ succumb to misery
Where love cannot reside
Jealous and self-loathing
Lost in idealistic pride

You can’t impersonate kindness
It is not your heart’s desire
To give unto the world
You’re a taker who conspires

Denial fits you like a glove
Where fairness has no place
Like a child without their favorite toy
You are solely a disgrace

Love lost is a fated death to the enamoured heart

They say I have courage
But I’m living a lie
Voices from years past
fuel the terror inside

There’s room to grow
“Just surrender, just let go”
You’re not living in the past
It’s not your home

The outside world
Looks different, that’s true
but the story inside
will never let me break through

Painful lessons
Just coping to survive
and now you’re suggesting
I have the courage to thrive!

You may think you see
great potential in me
but the truth is
I will never be free

Not until I see
Great potential in me
and the truth is
Maybe I’m just too terrified
to be free

Twilight paints persimmon
onto cold winter trees
just before the dusky night beckons
them into a dreamless sleep

a subdued canvas
enlivened with vivid hues
resuscitates dead branches
and they sway to its melodious tune

until every faint ray scatters
as darkness shrouds the sky
civil twilight attempts to turn back time
and failed to convince it not to fly

the drifting sun cast its final shadows
albeit tempted he won’t be persuaded
so the moon silently gathers her stars
to shimmer where twilight has faded

undulating in the night’s breeze
wrapped in the crispness of its linen
the cold winter trees sleep
waiting for dawn to paint them crimson

So high up, this mountain peak
So many answers
I do seek

With open arms
I touch the sky
Feeling heaven
As They stand by

Whispering winds
Envelope my being
Angels surrounding
Softly singing

My heart is open
My thoughts are leaving
Ego acquits me
Now I am feeling

Love is the answer
It is perfectly clear
Trust the guidance
Exonerate the fear

Any love forbidden by the mind
burdens this wise heart

Truth is not a thought of the mind nor a scene through the eyes but the depths to which one feels love radiating from their soulful heart

I float dreamily in subtle undertones
as hues of her radiant light
embody my awakening soul

You and I
walk together
beholden to the moonlight
to day's light and days late
destined
to remain here
though not forever

I with you
and you with me
intertwined
with complicated ties
holding us together
in threads
Though not forever

You and I
skin deep
layered with lifetimes
of epidermal decay
visceral wounds
neither one will confess
though not forever

We walk together
Separating
you and I
I with you
seeking connectedness
knowing the truth of our existence
though not entirely

I heard the whispers of the wind
Through the trees from where it began
Gentle swaying to and fro
Calling me back home

I watched a black bird soaring high
Amidst an endless  summers’ sky
Wings expanded, joy implied  
Embracing freedom with each glide

I knelt and touched the oceans’ shore
Hope overcame me like never before
Reflections of love christened my face
While endless ripples embodied the rays

I laid in fields of flowers in bloom
In wonderment I swooned
Nourished by beauty, caressed by scent
I relished in sweet content

I cherished the nectar of a honeysuckle tree
And sipped an elixir of dandelion tea
Medicinal riches surged through my veins
Healed completely by that soulful terrain

In all of those moments I have come to know
The wisdom of Nature and the power she holds
Transcending all suffering and the illusion of fear
My heart  is wide open, my purpose clear

Her love soaks me
like a tepid rain
on a sensual summers day
saturated
in all its glorious designs
I bathe in her riches
unequivocally
existing in the milky mist
of her shoreline

There’s so much to say
but the boundaries
between us
keep getting in the way

I long to tell you
how I truly feel
But my fear of rejection
stops me from keeping it real

Sometimes I wonder
Do you know what I hide?
Is the secret that’s so well hidden
sitting in plain sight?

I can’t afford to be vulnerable
This time isn’t right
I must contain my passion
and lock it up tight

So the next time you see me
I’ll be holding my breath
concealing my love
and bursting with regret

They showed me
yes I can see
You are entrapped
lost as can be

Old patterns create the habit
the habit becomes the motive
enslaved by masterful mind games
renders you captive

Hidden amongst the living
deep inside this grave
buried between sorrow
and the will to stay alive

The lies for sale are cheap
you buy them by the handful
gorging on self imposed misery
and choking on every mouthful

A life in aggressive disarray
faith quickly fading away
while impulse steals reality
and Jones controls the day

Blindsided by the thoughts inside
Sucker punched by ****** lies
A hostage taken as a child
To a life in which chaos resides

I want to know just what she said
To shut me down and mangle my head
Cold-blooded ****** without bloodshed
From a life in which chaos resides

Doubt oozes in like c02
There’s damage here I can’t undo
Or am I making all this up, perhaps it is untrue?
From a life in which chaos resides

Don’t minimize with, you did your best
There’s two more here with wounds abscessed
If I could, I would reinvest
From a life in which chaos resides

The world around me closes in
My mind is racing, where to begin
A daily battle I can’t seem to win
From a life in which chaos resides

To escape this dungeon I need the key
I pray they finally hear my plea
And release my soul and set me free
From a life in which chaos resides

Will it ever become clear?
The answers to relieve my fears
Instilling hope to persevere
To a life in which chaos subsides

You cracked my crystal vision
Temporary blindness has set in
This scapegoat meets my profile
we share the same name

The battle’s just beginning
With an end you won’t be expecting
Your swords and daggers won’t protect u
from the power that’s within me

The light shines down upon me
I have angels there to guide me
through the darkness that confines you
truth will lead the way

So if you must seek shelter
from the light & all it’s glory
I won’t judge the path you’re choosing
Just know I can’t be with you

This does not mean I won’t feel sadness
as I watch your shadows fade
down the path God did not intend for me
a different journey I will embrace


February 18, 2012

Remember the time
You were sixteen and I was twenty-one
The inappropriate advancement
You made toward me
And I was shocked

Remember the time
You mentioned his name
How I betrayed the family
Was an embarrassment
And I cried

Remember the time
You reminded me
Of the razor blades
My trickles of blood
And how they stained you

Remember the time
You said I was a disgrace
And how they would talk
Behind my back
And you would feel ashamed

Remember the time
You took her word over mine
Drawing the line between us
You chose her over me
And I was excluded

Remember the time
You said I hurt her
And she needed to be
Protected from me
And I was to blame

Remember the time
You were at the show
With them
You acted like I didn't exist
And I cried

Remember the time
You got high with my son
After you knew his addiction
I asked you to stop
And you said it was my fault

Remember the time
You were seven
Had an accident walking home
She made fun of your misfortune
And I took care of you

Remember the time
You got the record deal
Were on the road
Struggling to make your claim
And I supported you

Remember the time
You confided in me
Shared your own
Struggles with addiction
And I listened

Remember the time
You called me still high
Crying your bad behaviour
Had lost your true love
And I consoled you

Remember the time
You tried
To get your life back on track
We talked a lot
And I counselled you

Remember the time
You lashed out at me again
When I shared my feelings
I was wrong to trust you
And I walked away for good

When the cold winds blow
when summer leaves die and fall
I am reminded how much I miss you
and how living without you has taken its toll

It’s the day before your passing
yes, two years ago
I’ve contemplated your last hours
hoping you didn’t suffer at all

I’m grateful we reconnected
in September before your passing
I would never have left you
if I had known this was going to happen

Two souls connected
in many lifetimes now past
Our love is deeply rooted
but in this one, not meant to last

In the blink of an eye
a void filled my soul
and I regret never getting to tell you
how your spirit made me feel whole

Your sudden death made me see
the true beauty of your essence
I took your role in my life for granted
and now long to feel your presence

It is in the depths of grief
that I continue to be shown
all the ways in which you loved me
now the burden is mine and mine alone

I let myself down most days
feeling inadequate in most ways
so love doesn’t always flow freely
from this wakeful soul
sometimes my heart skips beats
unbalanced by the weight of sorrow
this unresolved grief tips the scales
and this misery bleeds heavily
through my veins like lead
shame and judgement collide
stirring up the fear inside
and from this cloudy mind
I wonder why
I chose the burden
of this Lifetime

She walked back in
into the Lions Den
an undeniable fierceness
raging within

She had awakened
a beast so savagely wild
but it was no surprise
to the memory of this child

Though it’s presence was felt
fear was not her concern
She had tamed that beast
every scar they had earned

She took one step forward
it was two steps back
a bold move to bait the devil
anticipating the attack

She led with courage
dropping the armour of her past
the potential risk to survival
would be her greatest conquest

Finally, there was no epic battle
this time, no need to run
One step back in to the lions den
the war had already been won

Bullies have no power
when you realize your worth
so feed your self compassion
and commit to loving yourself first

Be the gentle ripples
guiding the tidal waves
of change

I seem to have misplaced
The words they have escaped
Vastness taints this tattered page
This writers utmost disgrace

Imagined in my mind
However lost over time
The grandest masterpiece
Now the devils’ finest feast

Another battle lost
To darkness my soul is tossed
Wolves devour my carcass whole
Foaming and out of control

My attackers not the critic
Though they like to trick and mimic
I see through your disguise
The mirrors’ reflection cannot lie

There is but one to blame
For disappointment and for shame
I sit a prisoner  in my cage
As vastness taints this tattered page