life that changes,
lovers that push you to grow and take the darkness out and shake it
clicking fires and smiling faces
tell me you love me under the warm welcoming stars
i see them in your eyes
i dive into them and they take me far
up into the sky,
i fly by
when i'm with you i'm not grounded
my angel ***** his wings
raises me high
to the planets, to the sky
no matter how high im warm from his fire
when were close our bodies emit sparks
that grow ever so higher
from the flame in our hearts
his heart, his soul
destiny takes control
as the universe unfolds

It was Friday, March 23.
The sun was burning bright in a clear blue sky.
It was a beautiful day to fall in love.

After school my mother and I went to Macy’s to go prom dress shopping.
As soon as I walked into the store,
there they were.

They were sparkly,
twinkling to me from a distance as if they were saying
“Jenny! Come look at me!”.
Some were long and flowy,
and as they drooped down
they looked like a waterfall.

So I scurried around Macy’s eagerly trying to find a dress that I liked.
Me and my mom picked up a couple for me to try on,
but so far nothing really stood out to me.

I then left to go to look at a different section of dresses.
I turned the corner and then I saw her.
The love of my life.
Some would say that she was simple,
but she had a such an elegant and poofy skirt
that anyone who wore it would feel like a princess.

After examining her with a huge smile,
I was about to take her and run to my mother and show her,
but then I remembered.
It was time to look at the price tag.
I was scared.
My stomach began to ache.
And I also knew that any other dress I’d wear wouldn’t feel good enough if it wasn’t her I was wearing.

After glaring at the dress for a minute,
my hands became restless and sprung out as I flipped up the price tag.
It was $300
And I was heartbroken.

My mom came around the corner and saw me frowning at the price tag.
I felt like I was about to cry,
and I think she saw it in my face.
For the emotions I were feeling were so intense it was just like a forbidden love.
I showed her the price tag and her eyes widened a little.
I knew she was gonna say no,
and she did.

She saw how upset I was
and offered to sow a dress for me just like that one.
I then got very excited and hugged her as tight as I could.

I left Macy’s that day with a smile on my face and glowing heart.

i cant write
only scribble meaningless words
i cant eat
only hear my stomach's churns
i cant sleep
only remember things i wish i could forget
i cant feel
wish my whole life could just reset

oh, we all know
nothing is easy
but
your ability to lift up the corners of my lips sure is,
with your snarky little jokes
and your sly expression

nothing is picture perfect
i'd boldly say
if my life was a picture
it would be old
and yellowed by coffee stains
but
you take my photo back in time
reversing the falling mug
till
my photo is new and crisp

it is a miracle
you and i
it is a gift
a gift that i never thought id deserve to be granted
by her
the universe in all her glory

however you and i turn out
whichever path she sends us on
together or apart
our love is
a movie
a fairytale
my winter wonderland
my temporary fever dream

what if i told you goodbye
today, while you're still soaring from a high
sitting on cloud 9
tell you i'm not ready
or i'm too busy
too sad for love
what if i was that unkind

would you break
into pieces
lose your sense of self
lose your shape
would you need time
or an instant rebound
to cope through the pain

sometimes i wonder what it's like to be the dumpee
sometimes i wonder if anyone goes through pain as much as me
sometimes i wonder if the reason people that left me did because i love too much
too strongly
thought i was crazy

but one thing is true, i love so much
i'm loyal in my blood
to the brittle bones of my body
i love like crazy
like a fairytale
like a pre-teen girl writing a boys name all over her journal

nobody's wanted me this much before
not the last, not the first
being adored this much, loved to the core
i'm scared
i think about the end
and not being loved anymore

but he's still here
and the love grows in my chest
and the fear grows with it

tonight i was laying in my bed
and i closed my eyes
i reached out my hand
and i felt their hand slowly, welcomely,
grab my hand
my mind couldn't make out the shape or size of the hand
neither the colour or or the texture
whether it was soft or rough

it was shapeshifting
unable to stay set on one form
cause there is no form yet

this person
whoever they are
i haven't met them yet
don't know the sound of their voice
or whether they have dimples on their cheeks
or what colour their eyes are

i don't know whether their tall with a scruffy beard
or my height with soft lips and a sharp eyeliner

i'm ready for them
now i'm just waiting on them

daydreaming
listening to the rattling of the leaves
soft whispers of the breeze
passing by a pine every few minutes
i feel a sense of longing
i smile at each one
saying "hello, old friend" with every smirk
"good to see you again."

the wind picks up
a crescendo
i hear the forest sing like a choir
i feel hope in the pit of my stomach
nature talks to me in that way
"i see you. i hear you, little one.
you'll be just fine."

i dont find meaning or purpose
walking on a windy trail
but i always find hope

i wanna feel fine
on nights when my minds not so kind
sip some wine
fill my lungs from time to time
just so i feel fine

i wanna feel fine
hold me in your arms and tell me
"your mine"
your heart warms mine
kiss your lips from time to time
just so i feel fine

the pavement
it sparkles
from the lamps around
not the moonlight

stars are unseen
it's a dark cloudy night
trees casting a shadow
so dark
they are a black abyss
not from the moonlight

there's no stars in the sky tonight
no magic in the moonlight
everything is colorless and dark

sometimes the things that remind you of happiness
remind you of sadness

sometimes you wanna break it all into little pieces
everything around you
chop off all the trees
dry up all the oceans
collapse all the buildings
create chaos

make life around you look like
how the life around you feels

but i cant
and thank god i cant
cause although you can't see the moonlight tonight
you can see a sparkle in the pavement

i stare outside my window,
observing my own starry night.
my soul calling outwards,
pulling me into the blades of grass
where i lay restlessly.
no time.
no meaning.

i'm stuck
singing joyously loud to love songs in my car
windows down
obnoxious to the cars around
i'm stuck
while everyone at work is serious and just focused on their tasks
and i stand there and greet people around with a smiley hello and a floppy wave
i'm stuck
daydreaming in my mind
floating around

i'm so happy
but i'm stuck
stuck on you
stuck on knowing i want someone that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt
i am the one they want
and their stuck on me too

but i'm stuck
and that's just my luck

My mind scares me.
It forms faces in the dark,
ominous and disturbing.
From the corners of my eye
I see beaming eyes and a face smirking.
I can never close them when Im alone.
Someone could be out there,
lurking.

I miss him.

I miss looking into his kind eyes.
I miss hugging him, his arms shielding me
and picking me up into the sky like angels wings.

I miss how his lips would caress mine,
spelling out riddles of our love.

I miss feeling his light within me,
and having it illuminate the way and guide me.


The light has become so dim,
I can only see a couple steps ahead of me.
I feel blind,
the answer could be right in front of me but I just dont see it.

The light is almost out.

i just hopped a fence
grasped the steel wires with my fingers best i could
took a chance
like i've taken many times before
scars are still left from the wires pricking and tearing my skin, sure
but i still climb
and i do it with thrill
a grin slapped on my face
and with as much hope as there is water in the oceans
or sunshine in the summer

whatever metaphor i use
doesn't matter
wherever i go
hope is permanently embedded in my soul
and maybe it makes me naive
and maybe it's hurt me before
but all that hurt is proof that i had hope
that i tried

hope propels me forward, guides me
hope gives me strength to climb
climb this fence like it's nothing
like im just floating up and over
till im there
and my toes plant themselves into the grass
and i see what the universe gifts me
the paradise that surrounds me

my body, my skin
no wounds
i didn't get pricked this time
i'm fine, i'm really fine
i've only been able to climb over once before
and i don't remember what it's like to live on this side anymore
just another chance to grow
learn
and love more

what i wanna say
it's all too much and i'll push you away
i know

thing is
what i wanna say
since the moment i met you
you blew me away

the thing is
what i wanna say
my plans for my life
don't make sense
anymore

what a bore
to live without passion
without someone to give my time

cause life is for living
body is for breathing
time is for killing
and being alive
i'm alive with you

the thing is
what i wanna say
since hiding away
i'm crawling out my cave
to you

but the thing is
will you

one day i'll wake up
put on a cozy sweater
one that'll keep me warm from
the wind

pack up a backpack
fly up oh so far
somewhere i've never ever been

there won't be anyone
i'll leave behind
my nature keeps me alone

maybe somewhere
out in the unknown
the universe will give me
a bone

oh oh and it will be good
oh oh and it will be nice
oh oh and it will be alright
oh oh new home

you'll find me
in an empty park
on days that are too cold

i'll be leaving
trails of smoke
blood rushing to my nose

i can promise
if you see me
your face i will remember

but i am no more
the one you knew before
and i won't look your way

**
v

seems im meant for the road
my heart and my soul
no rest and no home
hope i won't be so lonesome

sometimes i'm stuck in my mind
and i float up high
till im gone in the sky
and i need a hand

^

oh isn't it scary stuff
when things around you change
it's the way of the world

time makes the things around you
grow and wilt and age
the consequence of time is change

i know it's everyone's wish
that things stay the same
content in your space

me im plagued with feeling bored
i'm plagued with wanting more
i've seen too much
a restless case

oh oh and it will be good
oh oh and it will be nice
oh oh and it will be alright
oh oh new home

Will I feel this weight on my heart forevor?
Cause it eats me alive everyday.

I physically feel it pushing down on my heart and sinking it down to my stomach.

Will it ever be as light as feather?
Cause sometimes i get butterflies in my stomach.
I feel them flapping their wings and raising my heart back into place.
I feel so happy it brings a smirk to my face.

But it never quite gets there.
No matter how light it may feel,
the weight is always there.
Its everywhere.

im tucked neatly on a shelf
a hard cover novel
colourful and eye catching
i'm not new
my corners look worn out
pages ripped out

i'll try not exposing my last chapter
diminishing the magic of the journey
taking away the energy of the suspense
flattening the emotion
ruining a connection that could be
slow
that could be
powerful
that
could be

stay tucked neatly on a shelf
the question is
will they read me?

i sit in my room and wonder
how will everything change when i leave?
i know how things will happen for me.
my soul will condense and my heart will bleed.

but as i fly back into my city,
ill see all the lights flicker,
like fireflies,
so pretty.

and maybe ill be happy,
maybe ill feel like i can breath again
inhale the cold
finally fresh
air

i rub your back
and you rub mine
and with the things i lack
you pick up the slack

like a strong green pine
you're a breath of fresh air

oh and im grateful
for each breath that we share
though mine is cold
and it floats in the air

between our kisses
and our sentimental stares

like a strong green pine
you're a breath of fresh air

i bring the winter cold
i bring it with me in my pocket

i freeze the life around me
and the ice fractals grow and trap me

i bring a whirling blizzard
to your feet
but you stand tall
and unphased by me

like a strong green pine
you're a breath of fresh air

i was not prepared
for your arrival
you came into my life
so quietly and gentle

and from the beginning
you put your heart on your sleeve
your courage was inspiring
and from there
my heart was yours to keep

like a strong green pine
your a breath of fresh air

served nice and cold on an ice cream sundae
being held feels like a nice sunny day
i'm comforted
can even crack a smile
my vision is more than grey

you know you're funny
it's kinda healing
gets rid of all my thoughts and feelings
to laugh and be purely in the moment
and look at you
your cute face
for a second my memories don't come flooding back

i really hope i'm on the right track
and i hope that you like me back
i'm not ready to love but my heart is beating and my stomach has butterflies
i want you to stay around
so it doesn't feel like everyone is leaving

teach me to smile again
without any tension
keep me believing

look at me from across the class
show me attention
my love, my love

i’ll tell you everything you wanna hear
heal your soul with my tears

i’ll give you warmth
i’ll give you life
i’ll give you the courage to fight your fears

give you a home in my arms at last

i'm always so cold
and then i kiss your lips
and i'm warm and cozy

i thought you'd get old
but taking your sips
those lips
i feel drowsy

you let my body move freely
feel numb
i turn easy
and dumb

i'll want you
there will be no choice
you'll take me
you'll add my name to your list of toys

boys will be boys

all cause of my love for you
but there's no one else like you
i wish i had a clue
on how to stop loving you

i'd rather have a forever ever with you
you help me from feeling blue
your lips do
your sips do

my saviour
my cure