He was one of a kind better than
I dreamed
I told him a secret then was
nothing of what I
seemed.
To him I was beautiful
then too much was exposed.
Still I wait till I take off his mind
all that I disclosed.
The chills he gave me
my heart would pound.
I followed him everywhere
till he was nowhere to be
found.
I pushed, I made,
I thought this was lemons into
lemonade.
Looks like it’s a mixed drink.
I miss him so much but he
is not worth a mintue’s think.
Laying on the ground after
whiskey and gin.
Putting in too much like
the information I
gave him.
Afraid of what he would think,
I became a mixed drink.
He couldn’t wait till I arrived
later I was the reason he
was too emotional
to drive.
I’m just glad
he’s
alive.

I’m happy and sad to see pictures of you where you
are with someone else who makes you laugh.
I strip and cut then drown in the red of my own
blood bath.
Ha.
You thought your power of walking away
could make me die.
I knew someone like you would leave me,
you didn’t even make me
cry.
You chose others not me and I just
want to make peace and set this tension
free.
I know your world is complete,
but someday just please
come back
to me.
The opposite of missing isn’t completion,
it’s resolving.
Though its been about a year,
the memories of you and I are crawling.
They come up my spine and make a
resting stop in my heart.
They pack up and go to my head,
I cringe by the memory when you told me I’m
smart.
You said I was pretty and it was me you
wanted to sit near.
If I approach you again I will either see
you relieved by my sight or I’ll see you
in fear.
Here comes
from my eye
another
tear.

The optimist always beats out the pessimist.
Time to **** with the negative thoughts and give life to something beautiful.
While I'm alone I have more time to learn and witness.
I see fights between friends and couples making out among the suburban streets.
I see myself not being there someday soon but there's no reason I should mope and tell myself to ******* and die.
I'm living the dream by making myself happy with cupcakes and coffee and friends nobody can beat.
I know I'll be drunk as hell with you one night getting pulled over.
I know we'll be stuck on a plane waiting for rain to stop.
I have a feeling I'll be burned all over after napping on the beach.
Dinner at your place will turn into nachos and Heineken. I never thought you could cook.
Maybe you can,
and maybe we can forget the emotional past and start new as if we never had something special that didn't work out.
It may not be you who does stupid **** with me but its you who I always go back to thinking of.
You're on my mind, and if I'm not on yours all I say is you are missing out on opportunity.
I can be the one to show you enjoyment in adulthood.
I'll pay for the beer you buy me.
I'm responsible while drinking and having fun.
I know we will.
It's what you wanted for us after all because love is overrated.
So, now are you in?

Fantasies are like a stabbing how I
cry for others to help me back up
from being hurt by those who I
once wanted and loved.
Moments are worth documenting
for the whole world to watch and
see where two people come from
then to have witnesses tell what they
saw and could predicted.
Complements are like a scam when
he says how he feels but you’re not
what he wants.
Politeness is a magic trick where we
don’t get to see how it happens to be
hidden but there.
Conversations are like an audition where
you tell him your biggest secret and
hope he puts his arms around you
and holds you while saying he wants you
so you play the part of the leading female
in his directed play.
Minds are like a gift and a curse when you
are dealing with your own and needing
another one to help you out in life.
People are like a mystery how we learn
our manners but it is better to not mind
them especially around the one who
lets you down.
Questions are like a haunting how one overly
detailed answer can shoo him away.
Words are like guards who will keep us
from keeping it cool.
Cool is like………
How I thought I was being.

I’m on my own,
nobody holds my hand
or offers me a pencil.
It gets to be too much
is expected and not enough
is kept.
Learning feels like losing
and send offs are more like
****-Offs.

Freshman year,
I was allowed to mess up.
I weeded through people,
and found my best friend
while losing my first
love.

Sophomore year I ruled
the world.
I founded a group, we hung out
all the time and
I had many opportunities
to fall in love.

Junior year is here.
So many relationships ended
because of need and
graduation.
I have a group but I have to wait to
see them.
There has not been an opportunity for love
and I blame my own baggage.

Senior year is next.
I don’t want it to come.
Make it stop.
I can’t do this
anymore.

These are my confessions
of being an upperclassmen.
If only we could understand
we are not too young to thank
and its never too late to do the right thing.

Never thought the right thing would be
a computer on my lap and silence on Saturday nights.
We once danced and drank, but stubbornness is key.
Looking back to being young and bold its just not how
it used to be.
I'm an upperclassmen, and it feels more like the bottom of the world
has cemented me.
Get me out of here.