It is rooted to my teeth
                         my stomach
                         my nostrils
                         my nasal cavities

It rustles when I breathe in
It begs for more when I bite
It screams when I swallow

I cannot be your choir boy
And I will not kiss you
                   not today
                   not tomorrow
                   not tonight

you didnt notice i was crying
even though i was right in front of you
that or you didnt care
either way its safe to say
you failed as a mother

You don’t know what it's like
To try
And try
And try
With no results

You don’t know what it's like
To cry
And cry
And cry
Tears full of salt

You don’t know what it's like
To die
And die
And die
Every second you're alive

You don’t know what it's like
To lie
And lie
And lie
But nothing
Will ever
Ever
Ever
Get better.

patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
in the broken mirror
i slap my own hands
blood trickles down
from my skin
please
let me in
patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
please
be my friend
while you still can

What if I'm crazy too
What if I'm like him
And because of that
I don't realize I am

I mean
I know the tendency is genetic
And when you're sick
You don't even know it

He is a part of me
Either way
I had no choice
I was born that way

When I look in the mirror I see his eyes
And his nose
And his hair
I glare at them
A reminder that I'm stuck with him
no matter what I do he'll always be there

It makes me hate myself
When look and I see him in me

I don't want to look like him
I never want to make anyone feel the way he did to me
I don't want to be crazy and see the world blurry
I won't even know it if I am
Which is scary
Please don't also let me be crazy

So much can happen in 14 minutes
He can grab the rope from his closet
And search up how to tie a noose
Then he’ll go to the kitchen
And drag his mothers chair
To his room
And all he’ll write
Is “I’m sorry”
He’ll be gone before you know it

Its a rough night tonight
My head feels like it's exploding
My asthma won't let me breathe
Along with my anxiety

My thumbs hurt like hell
I feel much less when well
Nausea cause by none other than my thoughts
Just wanting to go to sleep

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