Purpose
gathers matter,
moving stellar dust
in the direction of
heaven

my showers are getting colder,
my ribs have all been broke,
and this hell I call a home is going down in smoke.
my breaths are getting sharper and they each puncture my lungs,
I've now seen the evil that lives in everyone.
a killer with charm, brutality,
and a sickening grin.
a broken thing that lies very, very, deep within.
a rotting grudge underneath us that our smiles cannot hide.
a partially hidden pitfall
beyond our vanity and pride.

I need the pain to go away
No drugs and self harm can take it away
No medication numbs it
I didn't know what would calm my mind
Or slow my heartbeat
Once I started thinking about my death
I started to get addicted to the thought
I started to get high off the ways I could die
The feeling of relief knowing it could be over feels good
Overdosing myself with my suicide thoughts
Going in and out of consciousness
To the point I can’t tell from reality between my imagination
It feels too good to be true
This is why I love to sleep
It feels like I’m dead
Dreaming of what I want to come true
Wishing to stay asleep
Suicides thoughts are my drugs...I need it to keep me standing
But I dont want to be an addict
Probably one day I wouldn’t need to worry about waking up
Maybe my dream will come true
Maybe...my dream will be my reality

Hey, you know that girl that always jumped around
And she always made people laugh,she was the class clown
That girl that always checked up on everyone
Shes was a fighter, she never gives up
The one that puts others before herself
And the one that always cared about how people felt
She always laughed at everything
And even though she knew she was bad but she just loved to sing
The girl that liked to do everything
She doesn't brag about it, she says nothing
She loves to laugh and smile
And she was so wild
She saw beauty in everything and everyone
Everybody thinks she so fun
She never stood still,she just loves to run
The one that loves to help
People went to her with their problems because she knew how they felt


Yeah you know that girl?
Did you ever know the real her
The girl that always felt miserable to come home
The one that always cried in her dark room alone
She's the one with the cuts on her arms that she lied about
She thought we were blind, that we wouldn't find out
We also didn't realize when she started to look different
None of us seem to bother to ask or listen
Yeah, you didn't know she had an other side to her
She was so down on herself, she felt like she didn't have self worth
Bothered to look at herself in the mirror
Drinking herself away so her mind can get clearer
So insecure about herself, she felt fat
In the bathroom she would always get anxiety attacks
She's only worried about making other people happy, she wanted to be happy but she couldn't
They thought she wouldn't
She would slice the pain away
She felt alone and just wanted to be ok

Bet you didn't know that
I bet you didn't know this either

You know that girl? She wasn't in school today
She said she was coming today, well she actually went away
The girl that always said she was alright
But if you looked deeper into her eyes that was all a lie
Yeah, you know that girl, she committed suicide last night

The Moon is pale,
Faded.
The few clouds that float
They reflect sharply the lights of the metropolis.
The trees, in a far, bend over the strong winds,
Which to me is the soft breeze that caresses my face.

The strange noises and the games of the shadows
Torment my mind,
Fragile and Paranoid.

I see the future
I see the future and what it holds

It’s not pretty - it’s a deep dark hole

Slowly, I slip in to the recess of the cavity.

Pulling you with me, a helpless casualty.

I will start all over and end repeatedly.

You’ll watch me disappear even though you’re falling with me.

Your love - not safe, as my mind escapes.

Your noose, tightening as my memory fades.

All our days forgotten, our love erased.

While you’re still holding out for hope, I further decay.

Little scar
On my hand,
***** nails,
Smelly feet,
Good days,
Bad days,
Come rain,
Come shine,
I'll share
My golden pride,
Mother - Love
Funeral - Loss

Its like a big brick wall that you
just can't climb.
You gaze up and see its height,
then you give up before you try.
Its like the ticking of a clock,
but not as easily defined.
Because you can track it as much as you want, but you can't change back time.
It's the feeling you get
right before you let go.
It's the butterflies you get
when you jump off love's thin tight
rope.
It's the thoughts you can't block out when you
look in the mirror.
It's almost like the brother, to anger and fear.
It's the feeling you get when you're not sure.
It's everything that falls under the catagory of
insecure.