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 Dec 2024 Lizzie Bevis
Flea
28 years old
I tried modeling by accident
Thought it would be good
But it was more food for
Thought
As the poses good more ****
The consequences of those poses
We’re too
Where did
                  Your brain
                                     Go to?
 Dec 2024 Lizzie Bevis
Flea
This is a memoir

Of how my thoughts

Are so film noir

These thoughts both

Beautiful and horrific

The idea of being human

Is to overcome it all in the end

Both the beautiful and the horrific

Think about that
I'm afraid of failure
Of becoming a burden
But above all, I'm afraid
Of hurting the ones I love
And ending up alone...

Yet I'm here, I've shown
In the face of my demons
And screamed at them
That they'll never take
The very best of me

So I may not be fearless
I'm quite fine with that
For I'm brave
I never regarded myself as the courageous type... until the day I realized that being brave doesn't mean being fearless. Being brave means facing your fears in order to do what you must.
 Dec 2024 Lizzie Bevis
Liana
Let's just say
I opened my heart
I would smell the anxiety
Fear
Love
Pain

But I wonder
If anyone else would
But I think not
Because when it was closed
No one cared
Or wondered what's really going on in there

So now what now?
It just gets hurt more easily?
I don't need any more of that

I stitch it back up
Now the air smells of nothing important
Fake smiles
"I'm okay"'s
Covered up opinions
Feelings
Screams

I guess it's better that way
(this note was written by an old record player missing a record. It sobs sounds of nothingness all days.)
 Dec 2024 Lizzie Bevis
n
lost in the static of the stars
searching for any bit of shine
maybe a twinkle, maybe a sparkle
anything that’ll stop the stagnancy

trapped and gasping for air
stuck taking in the atmosphere  
watching everything fade away
trying so hard just stay alive

surrendering all our should be’s
tearing cables until they break
leaving all those stars behind
forgetting all that glows between

trying not to cry -
while letting all hope die.

-
astronauts fall too
When I was
20
I became
involved with
a married woman.
She said that
her husband was
abusive.
She was looking
for a way out
or a break.

She had the
most amazing eyes.
Wild and dark,
like a walnut, on fire.
She smelled like
the earth, sweat,
and wildflowers.
There was something
uncaged about her.

I was young
and naive.
I believed everything
and hoped too much.

The *** was
ferocious.
She taught me a lot.
We broke the
bed and took
bubble baths together.
It was a lavender love.

One day, she came
home with a balloon and
flowers.
She said we are
having a baby.
Those wild
eyes flashed pure joy.

My mom was
worried.
"She has a husband."
My mother was a realist.
She accepted it though,
even bought the woman
some gifts.

It didn't take long for
Amber to show a side
of her, I hadn't seen.
I caught her in some
small lies, and she became
violent when upset.

The affair ended.
She went back to
her husband.
It felt like my heart was
being
ripped out through
my nose.
Pain like a
rotting *****.

I remember talking to
a friend about it on
the phone,
pausing to *****.
It hurt so
******* bad.

Her sister called
me a week after
the split.
I asked about the
pregnancy.
It was all a lie.
She had a
hysterectomy a few
years earlier.

I still believe in people,
and hope too much,
and the years have made
me wiser.

I heard much
later that
she died at 40 of
lung cancer.
Those beautiful dark
eyes finally got
some rest.
Here's a link to my you tube channel where I read my poetry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMvnUCN6Rmc
Finishing first
- a chapter flash back to Easter
in a Christmas Peace
reconceived past under stood
common sense before the internet
... sufficiently advanced know how
made accessible through this screen

Per one and a hap, laps
at once
sat
before me a Manet,

A boy pfifer, piping
a flat image,
catching
my question, why…

For the uniform

For the Zouave oath
to die before surrender,
Victory or Death,
as a child sent
to war
in the name
of God, by Time
assured the same iota one
assumed just used
to refer
to the God
of the Papal authority,
symbolized
by a cross, or two,
one for Andrew,
one for George, both saints.
in the blue field, left field,

at attention, observe the stripes,
thirteen, indeed so great a cloud
of coincidences, so same so often

money borrowed… jewels loaned
for instance
to forge a suitable crown

to suit the proven winner's incentive
to defend the title, each winter,
each longest  night, after
each shortest day, ever
time told true

Allah
In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful.
By Time.
Mankind is at a loss.
Except for those who believe,
do good deeds, encourage truth,
and recommend patience.


Waiting is, said Michael Valentine.
From now until New Year's maybe, daily I am thinking about how money is so big a deal that wars are fought to make debts defend themselves with thugees.
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