Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Feb 2017 · 334
Mania
storm siren Feb 2017
Tonight,
I am manic.

A vast new world,
A different taste
From my dysphoria
From my fears
From my anguish.

I am hyper,
Hyper-active,
Hyper sensitive.

I twirl and flounce
All around
All around you.

I can be brighter
Than the sunset
And lighter
Than the stars,

But this isn't that.

This is random giggles
Taking my medication late
And cooking too much
Talking too much
Thinking too fast and too much
All at once.

This is reckless behavior,
Heightened *** drive,
But it's a back-and-forth,
Because my *** drive doesn't function
Without you.
It's a to-and-fro because you keep me in check,
You keep me at more of a balance
Than I had been.

But the mania
Still poisons
My mind.
Feb 2017 · 237
Touching You Like This
storm siren Feb 2017
My flesh,
Soft and pale,
Against yours,
All muscular edges
And smooth surface,

Leaves me out of breath
And hopelessly dizzy.

And when you hold me
And speak
The vibrations of your voice
In your chest
Elates me,
As I am all yours,
And you are all mine.

And hearing your laugh,
Or opinion
Makes my day.

Your hand in mine
Brings a light
Forth
On my darkest days.

I am warm as I
Drift off to sleep thinking
About it tonight.
Feb 2017 · 256
Witch Hunt
storm siren Feb 2017
You all always need someone
To blame.
So cut me open
And observe my flaws
Again.

Pick the one
That loosely suits your
Fancy.
All this waiting for the other shoe to drop
Is making me
Antsy.

Light up
The fire,
And toss me inside,
Because I'm just getting
So tired.

But I have these visions,
I have these dreams,
Where everything is okay
And I just don't know
What they mean?

Gather in a circle
And cast your stones,
But know that each sin you accuse
Is your own.
I keep having a nightmare about one of my ex's. Ew.
Feb 2017 · 285
Untitled
storm siren Feb 2017
I'm cold
And shaky
And fearful
Of the future.

I just want you
To stay.
I just want you
Here.

But the fire can't keep me warm
Tonight
Because I'm lost in thought
Lost in place
Trying to find
Myself
Or anything resembling that.

But whatever
Whoever
I may be
I am still lost.

And you would rather
Inhale ash
Than speak to me
In any sense deeper
Than "I love you,"

But I lose myself
In the shadows
In the wherever
Whoever

And fear burns through my skin
Boils my bones
And my marrow,
Leaving me
Less
Leaving me somewhat
Gone.

But I'm disgusted
And angry
And lost.
But that's about it.
Feb 2017 · 271
Loving you, loving me.
storm siren Feb 2017
You're better at loving me,
Than I am at loving me.

But that's not saying much,
When you look at the scars and scratches
On my arms.

But I have sunset eyes,
And when you tell me you love me
So, so much
They shimmer gold and amber.

And when the wind picks up
The cold falls over me
And you meet my midnight eyes.
Frozen and freezing,
I am all and I am nothing.

I am the sunset,
Red and orange
And darker blues
And blacks cascading
Into the starry night sky.

But you are bright,
You are light.
You are sky blue,
And warm
With a passionate,
Determined intensity.

You're better at loving me,
Than I am at loving me.

And that explains
Why everyone else
Is so bad at it.
Feb 2017 · 286
Fly Into the Sun
storm siren Feb 2017
Nothing is what it seems.
You've got me coming undone
At the seams,
Me and my bruised knees.
But fleeting warmth
Is such a tease.
Stay just a little longer,
Please?

There's a certain kind of walk,
That comes with a certain kind of talk.
I think it's pointless,
But that doesn't mean it's not
Worth a shot.

I try so hard
To dress you in poetry,
But you just don't
Fit the imagery.
And I get eaten up
By jealousy and insecurities--
No, not lately.

I'm so distressed,
But I just can't express
How to resolve it,
But I can't absolve it.

I'd be clever
If I endeavored
Towards the pleasure
Of you and I
Together.

But I never claimed to be clever,
So it doesn't matter whether
Or not,
But I'll give it a shot.

I am the light pooled on the floor,
And you've found me here before.
You just didn't know,
But here we go:

If you take the pain out of love,
Love doesn't exist.
But we're flying up and above,
And I fly higher each time we kiss.
Feb 2017 · 2.7k
Waiting (My Generation)
storm siren Feb 2017
My generation
Is the generation in waiting.
We're just waiting
For our lives to change.
We do all the things
We're supposed to,
And are still met
With criticism.

Because half of us
Are doing our best,
Working our hands to the bone,
Breaking down from some
Terrible disorder.
And the other half
Are just wading around in the kiddie pool,
Trying to find their footing into adulthood,
Or not.

The adults
That were the adults
That raised us
Like to only focus
On the half that's not even trying.

But we're the generation
In waiting.

We all waited to be eleven,
So our Hogwarts letters would come.
Because we wanted to escape
This pointless existence.

Now we're all twenty two or turning so,
Give or take a few months/years,
And we're waiting for the moment
Everything changes.

Waiting on that interview, that promotion, that phone call.
Waiting for someone to confess, waiting to confess,
Or in my case, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We wait,
Because we were never taught
That our lives were our own,
We were always considered
Tools to be used by others,
Our purpose isn't ours,
And that's not a bad thing.

We're in waiting,
Because we're waiting for someone to save us,
To come to our aid,
To grab our hands
And whisk us away
To a better place.

But maybe if we all stopped waiting,
Maybe if we got up and did things for us,
And therefore each other,
We wouldn't be the generation in waiting--
Rather, the generation of doing.
storm siren Feb 2017
Close
Your
Eyes

Think.
Dream.
Disappear.

If you are the sunlight,
Then I am the grey.
If I am the nighttime,
Then you are the day.


There are
Parts of
This world
Where you
Can't be found.

There are
Parts of
This world
Where you
Are found.

There are
Things
Deeper
And darker
Than I,
So maybe
I am not
So bad.

There are things
Deeper
And darker
Than you,
Than what you've
Been through,
So maybe
We aren't
So bad.

If you can find
Light in my
Sunset eyes
Then I can find warmth
In the fire within yours.

Close
Your
Eyes.

Think.
Dream.
Appear.

*If you are the sunlight,
Then I am the grey.
If I am the nighttime,
Then you are the day.
Feb 2017 · 284
Regret
storm siren Feb 2017
Never regret
A thing
Because at one point
It was exactly what
You wanted.

But how could I want it
If I wasn't there to
Ask for it?

And I hope
I pray
That you may
See me
As something good
Something whole
Something worthwhile.

But I have wounds and scars
And broken parts
But if you see me
Maybe I can be a better me.
Feb 2017 · 271
Making taffy is hard.
storm siren Feb 2017
Why do people think cooking is feminine or weak?

I'm playing with knives
And high heat.

Waiting for the simply syrup
To heat perfectly
Or break.
Stabbing toothpicks
Into little cakes.

Getting my frustration out
But tugging and ripping apart
Blood red taffy.

But okay.
Cooking is weak.
Feb 2017 · 304
Cry it Out
storm siren Feb 2017
Bleeding out the wound
Only makes the infection worse.
No one ever asks
"Why are you bleeding?"
They only ever demand that you apologize
For bleeding on their shirt.

Forget me
Just let me
Cry it out.

Forget me
Just let me
Cry it out.

The scars
On my hands and wrists
Are years old
And I've done nothing
To rid myself
Of them.

They're proof that I
Survived
Myself,
My greatest adversary.
My only antagonist
Is currently just me.
I'm my own worst
Enemy.

Forget me
Just let me
Bleed it out

Forget me
Just let me
Bleed it out

Crying it out only ever
Makes the problem worse.
No one ever asks "Why are you crying?"
They only ever demand
That you stop.
Feb 2017 · 217
Burden
storm siren Feb 2017
Nausea stirs
As my heart drops into my stomach.

My vision is clouded
By opaque yellow,
The kind of yellow that is sharp,
Like the word *****.

My knees feel weak
My chest feels tight.

I have to rub my hands together
To stop them from shaking.

Not again not again not again not again

This happens everytime.
The word drops into the forefront of my brain
Like a hydrogen bomb,
And we're just
Collateral damage.

As always,
I wish I could say I'm sorry,
But I'd need a better word than that.
Even still,
Shrapnel is shrapnel,
And I guess I have to live
With what I've done.
The stanza holding "shrapnel is shrapnel" is inspired by a quote that I can't seem to find the source for.
Feb 2017 · 314
The First Time
storm siren Feb 2017
The first time I fell in love
Would forever be the last.
I fell in love with the way you smile,
And the way your eyes seek mine,
In the light
In the dark
In the shroud of your colors,
All dark and grey from anger and hurt.

The first time I fell in love
Would forever be the last.
I fell in love with the way you laugh,
And the way my hand feels in yours.
The way your voice sounds when I'm afraid,
The way your voice sounds when I'm not.

I fell in love with the way you hold me,
And the not-quite-linear way you have of thinking.
I fell in love with the warmth of the fire in your
Ice cold eyes.

I fell for seafoam blues and greens, spirals of sunset reds and oranges.

I fell for a Bluebird of peace,
Who gave me peace
Before he found his.

But what they don't tell you about love
Is that it hurts.
It hurts and it aches,
The way I feel when you're here
But so far.
And it hurts
When I disappear
So far away
From you,
When I fall through your fingers
Like grains of too-soft sand.

The first time I fell in love
Would forever be the last.
I fell in love with you.
With the way you don't make it feel
Like the love I'm familiar with.
The type that is driven by control,
Possessiveness,  and stockholm syndrome.

I fell in love with the way you
Are you
And nobody else.

The first time I fell in love
Would forever be the last.
I fell in love with the way you smile,
Feb 2017 · 360
About Being A Poet
storm siren Feb 2017
The thing about being a poet,
Is that I drink so my thoughts become whole,
Not fruitless worries
And anxious ramblings.

The thing about being a poet,
Is that I find beauty in the most gruesome
Of circumstance.

The thing about being a poet,
Is that I'm most likely unstable,
And my emotions are extremely unsound.

I have an addiction to feeling, to rmotion, the way other artists are addicted to drugs, or alcohol,  or ***.

I crave love and I crave honesty. Admiration and trust. Loyalty and stimulation.  Dedication and, of course, the aching pain that reminds me I am alive.

I need to know I am alive.

So, the thing about being a poet,
Is that I write
So I may
Live.
Feb 2017 · 307
All That Glitters
storm siren Feb 2017
I used to believe
That gold can stay.
But now I see
That there is nothing to keep
As all that glitters
Winds up deceased
While I stare into the darkness,
It's 10:00 pm
And I just can't sleep.

You lay beside me
Your breathing rhymic
Though I can tell when you struggle
Like you're not getting enough
Oxygen.

I feel you move beside me
Trying to get comfortable.
Trying to sleep.
Hopefully you can quiet your mind,
Because I sure can't
Quiet mine.

I want you to stay.
Maybe not physically,
I know it's important for you to go away
Occasionally,
But I want you to stay mine,
Because I will always stay yours.

Please just tell me
You'll stay.

Nothing gold can stay.

Maybe that's true.
Maybe it isn't.
I guess we'll find out.
Feb 2017 · 224
Day Five of Five
storm siren Feb 2017
You come home
Tonight.

I'll have you to hold
Tonight.

And while
I am fearful
Of the future
I am grateful
For the present.

Please be safe,
And come home to me.
Feb 2017 · 743
Crystal Eyes Crystallize.
storm siren Feb 2017
You picked
A blue bloodstone
When you were younger.
You didn't know what it was,
You probably still don't.

You gave it to me
Along with a dyed blue agate.

It's funny,
Don't you think?

Bloodstone was worn by warriors
Into battle
Because they were of the school of thought
That it would aid in healing wounds more rapidly,
And that it would heal the mind as well.

So I wear it in a spiral cage
On a chain around my neck,
Hoping to hone that healing light-energy,
So that I may heal and be healed in turn.

Blue Goldstone
Is what I'm giving to you.
It provides protection against any type of harm,
And it will light your path from all things frightening.

People of Norse, Irish, and Germanic decent
Used to give it to their children
Who feared the dark.

Please,
Take the crystallized galaxy
Within it's spiral cage,
And come home to me,
Safe and sound.
Feb 2017 · 285
Light Me Up
storm siren Feb 2017
Anticipation
Devours me whole
As we get closer
To when you come home.

All I want
Is to be held
Within your arms.

But you're so far,
Far from me.

And I miss you,
Your heart and soul.
All I need
Is you,
To keep me whole.

It hurts so bad
To know that
People leave
So easily
And what does it
Mean to me
That you're not here.

There's an ache in my wrists
That begs that I give in
To all this dissociation.

There's an ache
In my bones
That begs for me to give in,
To black out.

And while I have nothing
No one
To ground me
To keep me level
I refuse
To give in
To that.

So
Light me up
With the
Fire in your eyes.
Burn me up
With the warmth of your being,

All I need
All I want
Is you.
Feb 2017 · 348
Blue Goldstone
storm siren Feb 2017
I wear the blue bloodstone you gave me
Around my neck,
Locked away in a spiral cage.

But your eyes shimmer
And shine
In the darkness.
And you have galaxies in your eyes,
So I guess it's fitting
That what I give you in turn,
Has galaxies trapped inside it.

I know
I am terribly difficult to love.
And I know
I am terribly easy to leave.

But you're it.
You're all I need.

And I hold the cold
Dyed agate you gave me in my hand
Until the stone gets warm
From what little body heat
I have to give.

I can only pray
That you'll come home
Safe and sound
With lots of love for me,
Because I know when you come home
I'll have lots of love
To give you.

I keep cutting out
Pieces of myself
To give
Everyone else,
Expecting to receive the love
I so desperately try to give.

Hoping someone
Somewhere
Will finally stay.

But Frost said
Nothing gold can stay.
And maybe I was wrong.
And maybe he was actually right.
Feb 2017 · 218
Day Four of Five
storm siren Feb 2017
You'll come home tomorrow.
You'll come home tomorrow,
But really,
For how long?
I need to wrap my head around
How temporary
My hand in yours
Is.

The very least
I can do
Is send you
On your way
To the next big
Adventure
Of your life
With a piece of me.

It's just as well
That this piece of me
Will protect you
Wherever you may go.

I just have
To make my own kind of peace
With that.

And while it hurts
To be so far
It doesn't really matter,
Now does it?

Please do not ask
If I will be okay.
I do not have any other choice.

I have an accidentally permanent kind of love,
For a purposefully temporary kind of person.
Feb 2017 · 233
Become
storm siren Feb 2017
Every night
I dream about losing you
And when I wake
The tears don't stop.
Some nights you die,
Other nights you walk away,
And I can only think:
What have I become to you,
What have I done to you?

I know sooner or later,
You'll be going away for a little while.
But if we can get through that,
When you return,
We'll both be stronger.

But I love you,
And I need you,
And my heart hurts
So bad without you.

I told myself I'd never need anyone
Not anymore
Not again.
But just look what I've done.
Look at what I've become.

But I wouldn't have it
Any other way.
You're mine.
All of you.
I don't want you to change who you are
If it isn't from your own
Volition.
Feb 2017 · 672
Ultraviolet
storm siren Feb 2017
The fire in your eyes
Burns ultraviolet.
The way you weave through galaxies
And resuscitate dying stars,
Makes me want to try it.
Because you're burning me up
With your ultraviolet
Eyes.
You're the common sense
To my chaos theory.
You're the very depth
Of all that's dear to me.
I just can't fight it.
I love you,
And your ultraviolet
Eyes.
storm siren Feb 2017
You speak
And though I hear you
I am blind to the color
It makes.

You touch me
And though I feel you
I am blind to the color
It makes.

I am so proud of you,
So happy for you,
But I am blind to the color
I should be feeling.

I stare at you,
Hoping to hold onto
Your smile.
The fire in your eyes.
I memorize your laughter,
Your voice,
Your diction and inflection.

And I have nine months time
To memorize you.
To hold onto you.
To fix myself enough
That you'll want to come home.

I have nine months time,
But I'm blind to the color,
I know.

And then I'll have
Nine more months,
Give or take,
Filled with missing you.
Longing for you.
Needing you.

I memorize the lines of your face.
The shimmering blue of your eyes,
And the gold that lines your pupils.
I playback your voice, your laugh inside my head.
I stare into your colors,
And beg for them to swallow me whole,
To envelop me and deliver me from this terror.

But it can't.
Because I'm blind to your colors, too.
Shock does funny things.
Jan 2017 · 251
A day in the life
storm siren Jan 2017
ANXIETY

The alarm starts to go off,
You think you know the code
But when you enter it in
The alarm gets louder.
And then you can feel it
Inside your head
Thrumming against your eardrums
It leaks into your heart
And and it's squeezing your lungs
And you can't breathe
So you begin to collapse into the fetal position,
But then it stops.
It stops and a voice asks if you're okay.
They then ask for your name and the verbal password.
You give your name, and explain that you don't have the password and why.
They disconnect
The alarm continues for what seems like an eternity,
But it's only ten minutes.

You fight with yourself
Not to start crying.

You don't go outside until your roommate gets home.

You drive to bring your husband his cellphone.
You get lost for the third time today,
And when you call the line he called you on, to tell him that you finally made it,
They say he went away, back to where he was.
You sit in the car and cry, because he could have at least told you
He could have called to tell you so you wouldn't keep getting lost.
Besides the fact that his absence is taking more of a toll on you than you thought it would,
This breaks your carefully constructed but flimsy
Front of strength.
Then you get a call.
Same number.
You answer.
It's him.
He'll be outside.
He comes to the car,
Comforts you,
Even though you can't properly explain what's wrong
Without the fear of sounding
Immature
Or
Needy
Or
Clingy
Or
Helpless.

You drive home.

You don't want to go drive again tomorrow,
But you want to see him
And you want to be there for him.
So you'll go,
But you have to wear his sweatshirt to bed,
And you have to make sure to fluff his pillow
And you have to make sure all his clothes are neat and folded.
Because if none of that happens,
You're a terrible wife
And he won't come home.

Even though he will come home,
But what if he doesn't?

The what-if's flood your brain,
And you can't stop shaking.
Jan 2017 · 200
At a loss.
storm siren Jan 2017
I feel too deeply.
I love too much.
I am much too fond
Of people
Who I can lose.

And I shy away from animals I can't have
As my friends
Because I'll get too attached
Too quickly
And then when I can't have them,
It will be very disheartening.

It's hard
Not having your colors to balance me back out.
It's difficult
Not being able to touch you
Feel you
Hear some part of your mind
Consistently,
Whether it be reading a text
Hearing your voice
Or seeing your colors.

I don't know
What to do
With myself.
Jan 2017 · 215
Day Two of Five
storm siren Jan 2017
I miss you.
Waking up without you
Is almost harder than
Going to sleep
Without you.

And nightmares plague me.
More intense in number
And in insecurities.

I'm keeping it together,
But I broke a little today.
The alarm blaring in my ears yesterday,
Along with getting lost today.
Enough was enough
When I thought you left
Your work
Without calling me,
When I brought you your cellphone.

It felt like a wave
Of pressure.
I've been trying so hard to keep it
Together.
But I'm failing,
And I'm homesick.

I'm homesick for my friends.
I'm homesick for my family.
But most importantly,
I'm homesick
For the only home I've ever known.
I'm homesick for you.

And god, it hurts to admit that.
That you being away
Hurts me so bad.
That it's so hard.
I thought I could do it.
I was sure I'd be fine.

And I am.
It's just harder
Than I'd like to admit.
Jan 2017 · 204
Isolation
storm siren Jan 2017
There's a type of loneliness
That comes with isolation.
I know it well,
I've been in the psychiatric hospital
Five different times.

It's the same kind
Of loneliness.
It's the kind
Where you know people care
But you can't reach them
And for whatever reason,
They can't reach you.

And you're not entirely isolated.
Just mostly so.
And it's not a punishment,
Not like the usual kind of isolation,
It's just necessary,
For whatever reason.

But it's okay.
It won't last too long.
storm siren Jan 2017
I listen to our song
When nobody's home.
I play it loud
And sing every word
Until I feel better.
Until I don't miss you so much.

I threw on your hoodie
This morning
After washing my hair
In cold sink water.
It smelled like fire.
Now it just smells like you.

I'm bundled in our blankets,
Holding your bathrobe close in my arms.
Because being away from you
Is much more painful
And much more emotional
Than I had thought.

I'm fixing dinner
And it feels lonely
Only cooking for one person.
It feels sad
Only making enough soup
For myself.

I listen to our song
On repeat as I drift off to sleep.
I play it loud,
And hum every word
Until I feel better.
Until I don't miss you so much.

I still miss you
So much.
Jan 2017 · 279
Compatible
storm siren Jan 2017
I love that we work.
I love when you make mention of
The fact that we work.
I love that you make it obvious you care,
I love that you appreciate when I do the same.

My main attributes
Are kindness
And fierce loyalty.

Yours seem to be
Stubborn dedication
And honesty.

And it seems
To me
That you don't believe in much
But you believe in us.

People have a way
Of finding their way into my life.
They also have a way
Of finding the door
Before I can find
Their hearts.

But you found my heart
Immediately
And when I found yours
I made it my home.

You don't believe in fated love.
But you do believe in true love.
And, I suppose it's important
That I make mention
That you think/know
That I am your true love.

Fated love being
Someone you must love
That it's been written in stone
That you love them.

True love being
Someone who you love more than anything, that you always will love.

If that's what I am to you,
Then that's enough
For me.
Jan 2017 · 205
Day one, of five.
storm siren Jan 2017
I'm used to being alone.
But loving you is different.
I rarely get the feeling
Of being alone in a crowded room
With you.

And when i do,
It quickly recedes
Because whenever you
Touch me
Kiss me
Love me

I'm okay again.

You remind me
That things can be okay
Even when it feels like
It won't be.

And
I love you so much,
And these next few days
Will be hard,
But it's all worth it
For when you come home
Friday evening.

I hope you're alright.
I hope you're warm.
I hope you're having fun.

I miss you,
But that's okay.
Jan 2017 · 213
Living, I guess.
storm siren Jan 2017
You tell me
That despite the stress
Despite the annoyance
Despite what it would do
To a normal person
I am worth it.

That we will live
A long,
Happy life
Together.

And while I'm afraid to believe you
I'm also afraid not to.

For a moment,
It sounded like you were saying
No one could possibly love me
Besides you.

But after some thought,
I realize you were saying
Loving me is a great task
And I am worth
The uphill battle.
That you are up
To the challenge of caring for and understanding
Someone like me.

And maybe I'll never be
Entirely okay.

Somedays it's going to be too much.
For you and me.

Somedays I'll break and i'll shatter
And collapse into a puddle of tears
Because I live inside my head.

And I wouldn't blame you for leaving,
Somedays, I'd leave me too.

But you say you're not.
And despite winter and it's cold winds
And frozen air
And suffocation of my will to be content
I will continue forward.
I will believe you.
I will not doubt you.

But you must understand.
Somedays
I will be touchy and scared and in pain
Because of the chemicals in my brain
And because of the past and all the scars I've gained.

But as long as you can still love me,
At the end of those days,
We'll be okay.
Jan 2017 · 213
Uh,
storm siren Jan 2017
Uh,
It seems
I tend to feel more
When drinking.

It seems
I tend to react more
When having been drinking.

I would much rather
Feel as I do now
Than react so
Haphazardly.

Apathy
Is my greatest
Strength.

If Only
I knew
How to use it.
storm siren Jan 2017
"Why do you live like you're out of time?"
She threw her hands  into the air at the question.
The clock ticks and tocks but never reaches
The time they settled on.
She throws her hands up into the air and lets them collapse into
White-knuckled fists
At her sides.

"Why do you live like you're out of time?!"
He clenched his fists at the remark,
He drank his will to live away,
Because why not?
He smoked until his lungs turned black,
And drank until his head would spin,
And then drank until it stopped.

And she lives like there's no time left,
Because she's been left bereft
Of shade, of color, of willingness to keep at it,
Whatever "it" is.
Because for her,
There is no time left.
She's on her ninth life,
No time left to dilly-dally,
She's gotta make this worth it,
She's gotta give this meaning.

And he clenches his fist,
And punches through the wall.
He ignores the dry wall
Stuck in his skin,
As his head continues to spin.
He lives like he's out of time,
There's no time left
Because he can't figure out
If he's meant for this world,
Or another.
But what if there isn't
Another?
And it makes his stomach tie itself in knots,


Because loneliness
And emptiness
Does terrible things
To people who aren't so terrible.
Jan 2017 · 170
You don't SEE me.
storm siren Jan 2017
You don't see me.

You touch and feel me,
But don't say you see me.

You don't see me.

You kiss and **** me,
And even, impossibly, love me.

But you don't see me.

You hear and even haunt me,
But don't say you see me.

You compliment and love me,
But you've never seen me.

I am fragile and I am strong.
I am kind and I am cruel.
I am arrogant and self-loathing.

You cannot see me,
Because even I have yet to.
Jan 2017 · 224
Problem
storm siren Jan 2017
I've been labelled
A problem child
And i've been treated
As such
But can you really
Blame me?

Faux abandonment
Designed by the county and fate.
Placed into neglect and unforgiving
Expectations
All the while
Getting the will-to-go-on
Ripped out of me
Punch by kick by disgusting and unwanted ****** of hips.

Throw in some
Toxic people and bad life choices
And i'm the biggest problem
You've got.

No wonder no one
Wants me.
Jan 2017 · 186
It's a little funny.
storm siren Jan 2017
I thought
The alcohol
Would make me feel
Less alone
A little more confident
But instead
I feel invisible.

So much
For liquid confidence.
Jan 2017 · 205
See me!!!!!!
storm siren Jan 2017
Do you even see me? Or am i just a figment or your imagination or even my own? Do you even hear me? Or am i just the wind screaming and scraping against the windows and shutters? Do you even feel me? Or am i just the looming weight of your past and mine, and all the guilt in between? Can you even taste me? Or are my lips just the faint sense of familiarity in a cold world. Does my scent sweeten your disposition, or is it just a soft, flowery reminder of the void?

Who am i and who are we,
What is the point and
What even is meant to be?

I was once so sure,
But now i don't know.

I don't know anything,
Especially
What i'm supposed
To be.
Jan 2017 · 262
And maybe i'm just drunk
storm siren Jan 2017
Maybe i'm just drunk
But it seems i'm just a bother.
I thought you liked me better
When i'm buzzed
But you won't even speak to me
And why does it always go like this?

I honestly don't care
That you're distracted by your game
And i honestly don't care
That when i try to not pay attention to you
You suddenly want my attention.

It sobers me up
Off that giggly buzz
When you ignore me.

So thanks,
You're a literal buzz ****.

Maybe i'm just drunk,
Or i'm just unappealing.
Maybe i'm just drunk
But you could pay me some mind.

And maybe i'm just drunk,
But i'm not just a fly on the wall.
Jan 2017 · 188
If
storm siren Jan 2017
If
"IF" is such a profound statement, curious question. Constantly asking will build you up and break you down, and yet without it we have nothing and with it we have exactly nothing. We have no thanks for this word, and no regret for whispering it into the wind.

But IF I told you how alone I feel
And IF I explained how sad I am
And how broken I am
And how much pain there is
In my chest
From all this stupid self hatred
And this stupid regret
And I'm breaking again, faltering again
Because everything hurts
And I don't know how to tell you
That something isn't working right
And something just isn't right
And it's probably all my fault.

Would you tell me
IF
You'd be better off without me?
Jan 2017 · 826
The year of being alright
storm siren Jan 2017
This is the year
Of being alright.

We'll be okay,
We'll be just fine.
We'll figure it out.

This is the year,
This is it,
This is the year
Of being alright.

We'll be okay,
We'll be just fine.
We'll figure it out.

We'll paint the sky
With new color,
And we'll sing the birds
New songs.

We'll be okay.
We'll be okay.
We have to be okay.
storm siren Jan 2017
The year of: Realizing Things
Is over.
Within this year
We have realized everything from
Senses of self
To who we could be
To who others are.

I, personally,
Have realized that
I am worthy of the love
I keep trying to give
Everyone else.

I am worthy of love letters
And late night confessions
And tears
And laughter
And flowers.

I am worthy of honesty
And transparency
Of feelings.

I have yet to receive most of that,
But i am worth it.

The year of
Realizing things is over.

The year of being alright
Has begun.
Jan 2017 · 471
Lapis Lazuli
storm siren Jan 2017
The lapis evening sky
Engulfs me
And I'm nothing more than
Venus shining in the distance.

But I'm nothing like Venus.
I am not a goddess,
Nor could I ever be the
Goddess of love or beauty or fertility.

I could never be a Goddess,
Nor would I ever choose to be.
Much too conceited an action,
A choice.

And while the world spins in colors,
In lights,
In rays of vivid feeling
That washes redorangeyellowgreenblueindigoviolet
All over me in tidal waves.

But I am bereft in color,
I am black and white
I am grey and I have lost all my bright,
I lost all my light
To the ****** of crows that eat up my insides.

And your eyes are aqua marine
With amber circles,
And I have sunset eyes,
But that's for another time.
Jan 2017 · 228
My Wrist Sometimes Hurts
storm siren Jan 2017
My wrist hurts
Occasionally
From where he pushed me
And i tried to catch myself.
It has ached on and off
For three years.

My ankle twists
Occassionally
If i step on it wrong
From where he grabbed me and pulled
When i tried to run
The fourth time.

My shoulders still hunch
Into a flinching form
From people whose quick and too close movements
Were intended to hurt.

And I'm ashamed
And embarassed
But i know you get it,
But there's more that's left me
Less than before,
Than what i've told you.
Jan 2017 · 217
Colder than
storm siren Jan 2017
I could never be colder
Than the ice in your bones
That you try so hard to disguise
With the fire in your eyes.

But there's no fear for you in my shaking hands,
But there's love for you
In my shaking knees.
But there's a brightness in my eyes,
That matches the fire you hold in yours.

And you're the light,
You're the color of the crackle of a fire.
You're colder than bone,
You're colder than what i know.
But you're warmer than snow,
And warmer than the fear I have,
The fear the I know.
You're the scent of snow,
You're the feeling of spring and summer.
Jan 2017 · 217
Colder skin
storm siren Jan 2017
Sometimes,
And by sometimes i mean usually,
My skin is colder
Than my heart.

And i'm cold and missing you
And it's not like you're far away,
Or won't be here for long,
But i'm tired and shaky
And freezing
And thinking
Much too much.
Jan 2017 · 239
Dejected
storm siren Jan 2017
I'm cold and afraid
That maybe i'm not all i should be.

And i feel
Dejected
And alone
Because
I can't open up and tell you
Why i'm not okay.

Because i'm not okay.
Jan 2017 · 250
Tsunami
storm siren Jan 2017
People will find their way back
To the past.

It's whetherwhether we learn
From the trend or not.

I compare myself to the weather because
I constantly change.

But don't know
If you'd miss me
Or if you're just polite.

But i miss you
Even when you're right next to me.
Because i know better than most
That humans are fleeting,
And promises don't mean ****.

But they're still nice to hear,
I guess.

If people were shelter animals,
I would be almost feral and entirely afraid.
And you would be adopted
In a heartbeat.

But what i would give
To feel your heartbeat
Against my back
For eternity.
What i would give
For this to last.

For people
Are flighty
And fleeting.

And, needless to say,
I crave something more permanent than my own self and being.
storm siren Jan 2017
You are warmth
You are light
You are strong
You are brave,
But you don't have to be.
You don't have to be,
Not with me.

And i am fearful,
And i am shaking and shaky.
And i hate saying it,
But i am fragile and scared,
But not in the way you see me as.

I can be stronger
I can stand taller
I can be brave.
If only for you.

You called me a thief, but i'm just a survivor,
I'm a fighter.

I've spent my years
Fighting for my life
Or fighting for nothing,
And they ended up being
The same.

Because i came out
Swinging,
And though i was
A little less
Than the best,
I came out with a black eye
And a split lip.

You, being the light that drives me
Should be aware
That though
I love you so,
I'm stronger than you know.
Jan 2017 · 297
Okay, i guess.
storm siren Jan 2017
Sometimes i'm okay,
And, i guess, sometimes i'm not.

And sometimes i'm great,
And sometimes, i guess, i'm not.

Sometimes
I'm a sunny day.
I'm all cloudless skies
And blooming flowers
And green, green grass.

And sometimes i'm a starry night.
Usually, i'm a starry night.
And it's not that i'm sad or shutting you out,
It's just that if there's too much light
You can't see the stars.


But sometimes i'm a hurricane.
I'm all heavy downpouring rain
And lightning
And winds that tear everything
And everyone
Down.
I'm so destructive,
Self destructive
But if i said it never hurt anyone else
I'd be lying.

But sometimes,
I guess,
I'm Orion's belt
And Ursa Minor,
And the milky way.
And i'm all stardust and shining planets
And burning hydrogen.

Sometimes, i am beautiful.

And, i guess, sometimes i'm just okay.
Jan 2017 · 751
Guide Me Home
storm siren Jan 2017
Humans are stupid
Foolish creatures.

We destroy in order to create,
And we create to live vicariously,
And ultimately to destroy.

But there are some good things,
Some good parts,
To us.

Some of us care too much,
Love too much,
Want to help
Just a little too much.

And we end up
Destroying ourselves
But we love with everything we are,
So we give with everything we are
And we can only hope
To actually be the good
We want to see in the world.

There is a light within our eyes
That is only seen in the darkest of nights,
And it guides us home,
It guides us home.

I want to be the good
That they want to see in the world,
If not for me
Then for everyone after me.

And there is a light in our eyes,
That is only seen in the darkest of nights.
And it guides us home,
It guides us home.
Next page