I am so sorry for not trusting you more. I thank you for constantly letting me come back to you after falling astray and not including you in whatever I am doing in the moment. Please forgive me for not trusting you in every area of my life sometimes. I should know by now that your way is always perfect and beautiful in its own unique way. You were right about Ben and I'm so happy I got away from him. He is condescending and makes me feel inadequate. I know the man you have picked for me to marry would never make me feel this way. He is hurtful and knows he is hurting me but refuses to sacrifice his moments of happiness for a hard but worth it future with me. I am worth it. You've told me this many times. Lord I love you and I thank you for this heartache. I feel like it is definitely starting to wither away. I will always care about him in some capacity but from here on I don't feel like he will have a hold on my mind. Thank you Lord for answering my prayer and that I don't have to wonder anymore about what it would've been like to have a long distance relationship with someone who would not have cared. And probably cheated on me. I finally got the closure I needed and won't miss the long pauses on the phone where I expected you to fill them with how I wanted you so desperately to feel about me. The empty spaces forever filled with disappointments that you never could satisfy. I pray Lord that bring me the man who will stay up late to talk with me about dreams and your Kingdom we both wish to come home to one day. The one who will love you so much more than anything on this earth including me. You are so good to me Lord and I will wait for this man. I pray that you would keep me pure for him in every way, mind , body, and soul. Please turn me into the Proverbs 31 woman. Lord I also want to thank you s much for my incredible family I am so blessed to have two parents who love me to the ends of this earth. Thank you for the lonely times and for the wilderness I have come to know in as I walked through these shadow places. For the first time in months I understand your purpose and got a glimpse of your plan through my own stubbornness.You truly work all things for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purposes.  And glory will come from this pain as I rise up from the ashes. Lord Please give me the faith and courage to walk with you for the rest of my life. I'm tired of falling and slipping away from you so often. I want to stand on firm and solid ground with you and look toward heavenly things unseen all the days of my life. I love you so much Lord. Happy Birthday Jesus, I'm so glad it's Christmas.

-Amen

My mind keeps seizing me into a corner.
Forces me to fantasize of what it will be like to see you again,
How beautiful and freeing it will be.
To know your touch and smell again that I've  longed for so long.
To know your sweet demeanor and love.
All I want in this universe is to know you once more,
To be your tum again in the sun.
Please come home, for home is wherever I'm with you.

You broke me.
Not beyond repair, you're not that powerful.
But still
You broke me.

I put myself back together
Piece by piece.
One of those pieces I couldn't put back.
Because it was you.

Thanks to you,
I'll never be complete.
Whenever I look down at myself
There's something missing.
There's a hole in my side.

I'll never be whole
I'll always be reminded
You broke me
And I'll never be the same